


Another War to Fight (Bucky Barnes / Reader)

by fernaix



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-14 15:17:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 46,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18054992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fernaix/pseuds/fernaix
Summary: With Vision dead, the last infinity stone in Thanos' possession, and Bucky and Y/N in a Quinjet flying across the ocean to America, the world is set into disaster after the snap. Unlike Thanos' plan of immediately wiping out half of the universe, a disease broke out and countries fell in a matter of days. It was unlike anything anyone had ever seen, the dead and the dying coming back to life with an unimaginable hunger for flesh and blood.alsoBadly bruised and wounded, Y/N and Bucky have to figure out their game plan after falling into the welcoming but hesitant hands of Rick Grimes' group.A/NThe timeline is going to be pretty fucked up, since season 2 of The Walking Dead is like set in 2010 and Infinity War just came out in 2018. A lot of shit is going to be different—mostly in the MCU aspect of this fic. Thanos' snap had a different outcome, nobody turns to dust, Peter and Tony are still in space, and Bucky and the reader left the fight in Wakanda early on for reasons I am still deciding. This is a work in progress, probably with lots of plot holes and confusions so don't come for my neck ok? Also, this is my first fic series on AO3, so :)





	1. Chapter 1

Y/N never expected the unpleasant experience she was abruptly thrown into when she decided to take care of the handful of dead people on the street. Yes, she had just been drinking a bottle of whiskey she found; and yes, that was the reason for her compulsiveness of choosing to stay on the street and fight with only a pocket knife as a huge fucking herd came barreling through, but it wasn't her fault. Not to her, anyways. 

She got overwhelmed quickly; the amount of dead had been more than she had single-handedly taken on at once before. Plus, her judgement had been askew and her movements more sloppy due to the alcoholic beverage. As she kicked and fought through the ever growing number of reanimated bodies, she ceased to notice the line of cars roll to a stop nearby or when five of the men starting to take down walkers on the other side of the herd. Y/N fell into her own rhythm of taking stabbing the walkers in the head, almost like a dance routine. Her mind subconsciously went blank, a defense mechanism she adopted during her training in Russia.

"Woah! Woah! Not infected!"

Y/N's mind snapped back to reality as she realized the man's neck in her hand was warm, an uncommon occurrence as of lately. Her hand holding her knife was inches away from his face, covered in cool, sticky blood. Her hands immediately released the man's neck, leaving a bloody print on his jugular. Tilting her head, Y/N examined the dead bodies littering the street and the four other men who were heaving and panting, their own weapons in their hands.

"Who are you?" Y/N asked, her head spinning from the whiskey.

"People who just saved your ass," the man whom Y/N almost stabbed had snapped at her, taking a step back to stand with his people. Y/N just then noticed the line of cars, and the people inside them.

Y/N's mouth opened to reply, but before she could speak she was cut off by the door of an apartment a couple buildings down the street slammed open, a large figure storming out. "Oh, boy," she muttered. She turned to face Bucky as he stomped straight up to her, not even acknowledging the strangers.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Y/L/N?" Y/N avoided Bucky's threatening grasp by skipping backwards until her back hit the rough cement of a building. Bucky's fingers gripped the collar of Y/N's vest as he shoved her against the wall. "The hell were you thinking?"

Y/N reciprocated and shoved her arms up between Bucky's and pushed out, causing him to release his grip. She pointed the knife to his throat, giving space between the two assassins. "Back off, Greasy. I didn't plan that."

"You could've died!"

"It was four when I came out. I didn't want there to be more," Y/N quipped back. She gestured behind him to the other men. "Besides, they helped me."

Bucky's head snapped behind him to look at the five men before returning his cold glare back to Y/N. "If there's more then you get the fuck out of there you don't just keep going like a drunken idiot! What the hell would Natasha or Steve think if they knew you keep throwing yourself into situations you can't handle?"

Y/N could feel the frustratin bubbling in her chest. "I crashed one fucking plane, Bucky! Stop treating me as if I'm some fragile glass doll!"

"As much as I don't want to get in the middle of this little quarrel, we are still in the city. We should keep as quiet as we should," the man with the bloody hand print stepped forward, his eyes circling their surroundings.

"Who the hell are you guys, anyways?" Y/N asked, taking her attention off of Bucky.

"My name is Rick, that's Shane, Glenn, T-Dog, and Daryl," Rick introduced his group. "We've got more of our group in those vehicles."

"Y/N. That asshole is James Barnes—,"

"Bucky," the aforementioned reciprocated.

Rick nodded, examining the two. "Any reason for being in Atlanta? There's walkers crawling everywhere."

"We were headed to the CDC. Thought maybe they knew what caused this shit-show," Y/N answered, gesturing to the dead bodies on the street.

"The CDC's a bust," Shane spoke. "Just came from there. It's just a pile of rubble now."

Y/N tilted her head, glancing at Bucky. "So, I guess that's what that loud noise was a couple nights ago."

"Is it just you two?" Glenn asked. Bucky and Y/N both nodded. Rick glanced back, seeming to have a conversation with Shane with his eyes.

"Our next stop is Fort Benning," Rick stated, turning back to the two. "There's room in the RV, if you'd like to tag along."

"You don't even know us," Bucky added.

"Glenn and T-Dog didn't know me when they saved my ass," Rick scratched the back of his neck. "We'd be safer in a larger number, by pulling together. Besides, it looks like you two can hold your own pretty well. We need that."

Y/N crossed her arms, turning to look at Bucky. Raising her eyebrows, she asked for his thought of it. "Fort Benning is South of here, isn't it?" The others nodded at Y/N's question. "That's going even farther from New York. I don't know how I feel about it," she muttered so only Bucky would hear.

"We may not survive if we make New York our number one priority right now, Y/N. We need to get our bearings first, figure out what the hell is going on."

"You're willing to risk even more time away from Steve, not knowing if he and the others are okay?" Y/N shook her head. "If we get to the Avengers compound in New York, I guarantee that we'll be able to regroup with our friends and get Tony back from fucking space."

"Steve's a grown man, I know he can handle himself. The compound wont go anywhere if we decide to take a little detour," Bucky leaned closer to Y/N, lowering his voice even more. "Look at these guys, look at the kids in the car, let's take things one step at a time and—hell—maybe they'll even help us get up to New York. The guy is right, we'll be safer in a group."

Y/N sighed, examining the cars and then the men in front of her. "Give us five minutes to gather our stuff then we go? You can take the fuel from our car and there's a jerrycan in the back seat. Consider it compensation for the ride to Fort Benning ... and for helping me out with the dead."

Without waiting for a response, Y/N stomped to the apartment her and Bucky were hiding out in for the night. She didn't want to go. She wanted the priority to be to get to New York, so she could contact the others located in Wakanda. Being completely clueless to whether or not her friends were dead hurt her and she just had to assume the virus hit Wakanda even worse considering the technology they possessed and the lack of communication for the past two months.

After retrieving their stuff and a brief introduction to everyone in the group, Y/N and Bucky found themselves sitting side by side at the table in the RV as they drove farther and farther away from New York. Shane and Andrea sat across from them, Glenn accompanied Dale in the front, T-Dog was in the back, where the bed was. Rick, Lori, Carol, and the two kids rode in the jeep behind the RV as Daryl led the line on a motorcycle.

"So, where are you guys from?" Shane rested his elbows on the table.

"Brooklyn,"

"Russia," Y/N answered, not prying her eyes from the window as she pressed herself against the wall of the RV. She knew Bucky was usually uncomfortable with being touched, and she was still upset at him for chewing her out like that. She could feel Bucky glance at her when she answered, but she ignored it.

"I take it you two didn't know each other before ... the outbreak?" Andrea asked, subtly mentioning the tension radiating between the two assassins.

"It's complicated. We knew of each other, but didn't meet until recently," Y/N risked a glance at Bucky to see that he was already looking at her. "We're friends with the same guy; he's the one who introduced us."

Y/N didn't know how much Bucky wanted to reveal about his past, about being the Winter Soldier. She kept it vague because even though she was upset with him at the moment, she respected his decision and knew how painful his past was. Her answer wasn't a complete lie, either. Steve Rogers was the one to formally introduce the actual Bucky to Y/N back when Baron Zemo planned the attack to pull apart the Avengers.

Bucky and Y/N continued to respond to any questions or snippets of conversation that Andrea and Shane had for them, with Glenn occasionally joining in. Y/N had since then rested her head on her folded arms, feeling the effects of her hangover kicking in.

They still had a long way before they could arrive at Fort Benning.


	2. Chapter 2

"Jesus," Y/N was startled out of her half-asleep state when a loud pop and screeching noises abruptly came from the RV's engine. Looking out the window, she quietly watched as they passed more and more unused cars on the interstate. The RV lurched to a stop and Y/N trailed behind the others as they filed out of the crowded vehicle. After sharing a glance with Bucky, Y/N trailed off into the sea of abandoned cars as the rest of the group discussed their options and plans. It didn't take long for the rest of them to follow Y/N's actions.

Y/N didn't mind how Bucky kept her in his sights, making sure they were always in ear shot of each other. She searched through the cars thoroughly, checking every pocket, nook, and cranny for anything worth keeping. Keeping all of the items in a pile on the tailgate of a truck, Y/N searched through a car across from the one Bucky was leaning in. 

"So, what exactly is our plan again?" Y/N stood up straight, turning to look at Bucky.

"Huh?"

"With this group, Bucky. What's our plan? We're just ditching the idea of getting back to Wakanda?"

Bucky sighed, abandoning his quest of searching. "There's an army base in Fort Benning. If we get there, they should have the equipment we need to get back. It's shorter in distance than New York is."

"Okay, but how sure are you that they're just going to hand us a plane?" Y/N rested her hands on her hips. "There's a one-hundred percent chance that there is a quinjet at the compound. How do we know if the base in Fort Benning is even still up and running? What if the dead got to it?"

"I know you don't like it," Bucky spoke. "I just thought that this group needed our help also. They have kids, Y/N."

"So, what? We just act like their Gods mightiest protectors?"

"I didn't say we had to own this group. You were trained to work by yourself, I get that, but I need you to understand that we're stronger in a group. There's more people to have your back, so you can depend on them as well as yourself." Bucky's head turned to look for the group. "I think we can sit back a bit, Rick looks like he's doing pretty okay with leading the group."

Y/N turned back to the car, grabbing one of the dufflebags that was in the back seat. "I hope you're not expecting me so suddenly trust my life with these strangers." The bag was only filled with clothes for what seemed to be a kid. Y/N didn't think any of it would fit her, but maybe Sophia or Carl would like to check it out. She also found a couple cans of food on the floor of the vehicle. Looking at the labels, she stuck her hand out at Bucky. "Do you have a knife?"

A handle was pressed to her palm and she climbed out of the car. "Peaches?" She offered, gesturing the can to the man standing beside her. "I haven't had canned peaches in so long."

Y/N was cut off as Bucky's flesh hand slapped around her mouth, his other hand grabbing the back of her neck and pushing her to the asphalt. The sudden movement caused her to drop the knife and can. Dragging her underneath the nearest truck, Bucky hushed the squirming girl with his hand still over her mouth. Y/N's movements stilled as the shuffling feet appeared. She lightly tapped Bucky's arm, signaling him that he could remove his hand. Her eyes trained on the passing walkers, evening her breaths so they were silent as her heart began racing with adrenaline.

"Knife?" Bucky whispered into Y/N's ear. She almost didn't hear him over the groaning and shuffling if it weren't for his free hand trailing up the side of her thigh in search of a sheath. Y/N assumed just then that the hunting knife Bucky had let her borrow only moments ago was his only weapon on his person, besides his handgun. She bent to retrieve the pocket knife in her boot, subconsciously pressing her back further into his side as she passed him the blade. He had more walkers on his side of the truck, so she didn't think about who should have held the knife.

Y/N kept herself focused by counting the seconds for how long walkers kept passing the cars. It didn't take long for them to start thinning out. Just as Y/N had stood up and brushed herself off after making sure there weren't anymore walkers, her head whipped down the road once she heard a panicked scream. She shared a glance with Bucky before jogging through the mess of cars to where everyone was circulating.

"What's going on?" Y/N asked.

"Lori! There's two walkers after my baby!" Carol cried, running to the traffic barrier. Lori held her back, hugging her from behind.

Y/N let out a short sigh as she hopped over the barrier. "Bucky, knife," She caught the closed pocket knife with ease. Before she could advance, a firm hand wrapped around her upper arm.

"Hold on, Y/N. Rick's already went after her," Shane attempted to pull her back to the barrier. Y/N looked at him incredulously. "We don't need the risk of even more people getting lost."

"Two is better than one, isn't it?" Y/N ripped her arm back and jumped down the ditch, stopping at the edge of the forest. "And Shane? If you put your hands on me like that again, you'll be dead before you even hit the ground. Keep 'em safe, Bucky." She winked at the super soldier and then began running.

Out of all the things Y/N was taught at the Red Room, tracking was placed high on the ranks of importance. She easily followed what seemed to be Rick's footprints, leading her to a small river. There was no sign of Rick or the kid, as the footprints went into the water. She grumbled at the thought of getting her boots wet, but nevertheless she splashed in and crossed the stream. It took her a couple seconds to find the footsteps again. The tracks became more jumbled as two, much more messy tracks were added as she got further away from the water. She snuck up behind the two walkers that were causing the tracks, shoving her knife up into the base of the skull of the walker nearest to her. She held the limp body and let it down soundlessly, to not catch the attention of the other walker. As she was about to lunge at the other, Rick darted out from behind a tree and smashed a rock onto its head, killing it effectively.

"Rick, where is she?" Y/N nodded, examining his exhausted form.

"Hiding, come on."

Y/N trailed after the cop back to the river. She didn't reply as he told her that he had hid her under the base of a fallen tree and how he explained how he had to get rid of the walkers but the kid was slowing him down. They stopped exactly where Y/N had originally tracked their footprints. "Rick, I was just here. I didn't see her."

"What?" Rick sloshed through the water to the fallen tree he mentioned, ducking underneath the roots to check the small hiding space. "She—she must have already went back to the highway. I told her if something happened then to run that way." Rick pointed in the direction of the highway. "I made sure she knew to keep the sun on her left shoulder. Let's head back."

Y/N nodded, climbing out of the river. "Something might have gone wrong, though. It's not that hard for a little girl like her to get rattled and lose her train of thought, which will get her lost." She spun on her heels, her eyes circling the surroundings. "You head back, see if she made it. I'll keep an eye out and keep looking, just in case. Just come back for me, or call if she made it back."

"Are you sure? I don't like the idea of you being alone out here."

"You saw what I can do, with that herd in Atlanta. I can handle myself, you know that," Y/N offered him a reassuring smile. "Now go, we don't have all day."

Once Rick was out of her sights, she looked back at the hiding spot. She started there, guesstimating where exactly Sophia might have climbed out of the river. Y/N paced herself this time. She didn't have much faith that Sophia could make it back to the highway on her own, so she carefully followed the girl's prints as soon as she found them.

Just like she assumed, Y/N eventually found a spot where the prints suddenly veered off to the right. She continued to follow the tracks, going even more slowly as they got fainter the more she walked. It didn't bother her that the only protection she had was a five inch folding pocket knife, even with the threat of running into a herd like the one that passed on the interstate. She had worked with less plenty of times before.

Y/N stopped to adjust the flannel that was tied around her waist. She didn't like the heat at all. After being accustomed to the coldness of Russia for most of her life, she hated to admit the sweltering Georgia heat was slowly taking a toll on her. Lifting her arms above her head, Y/N stretched her body. Her head turned to the sound of crunching leaves and twigs but she relaxed once she saw Bucky, Daryl and Rick step around a bush.

"Took you long enough to catch up with me," Y/N smirked. "I take it she didn't get back?"

Rick shook his head.

"I thought so, or else this would be very awkward if I found out I was tracking something else,"

"How'd you follow the tracks for so long? It's even hard for me to follow them since their so faint," Daryl spoke, trying to figure out just who this stranger was.

"Call it a hobby," Y/N shrugged. She looked back at the footprints. "The prints stop here, we're on our own now."

"We'd cover more ground if we split up," Bucky stated, shuffling to Y/N's side. "You two go that way. Y/N and I will go left, farther into the forest."

Bucky handed Y/N a pistol and his hunting knife. The two continued to explore the forest until the sun began to set. Y/N couldn't look Carol in the eye as everyone ate together before finding somewhere to sleep. After sitting in an SUV with Bucky, Y/N concluded that she couldn't sleep so she snuck out and continued walking with a flashlight under the cover of the trees. The sun was just rising when Y/N decided to head back to the interstate.

"Everybody takes a weapon," Rick unrolled an arsenal of knives varying in sizes onto a hood of a car. Everyone was circled around, stepping closer to grab a weapon.

"These aren't the kind of weapons we need," Andrea bit, crossing her arms over her chest. "What about the guns?"

"We've been over that?" Shane looked up from the pistol he was loading. Y/N's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, glancing at Bucky. She was obviously still in the forest looking when Shane was talking about what he mentioned, so she had no idea what he was talking about. "Daryl, Rick and I are carrying. We can't have people popping off rounds every time a tree rustles."

"It's not the trees I'm worried about," Andrea scoffed.

"Say somebody fires at the wrong moment, a herd happens to be passing by. See, then it's game over for all of us. So you need to get over it."

Y/N stood with her hands on her hips, shifting her weight onto one foot. "I'm not handing over my guns."

"We can't take the risk, Y/N," Rick spoke, gently patting her arm.

"Y/N and I were professionally trained by the government to safely handle firearms. We're not the ones you have to worry about," Bucky leaned against a car as he glanced at Y/N. "Besides, that idiot over there had every chance to use the gun tucked in her waistband in Atlanta, but chose against it even though it got hairy."

Y/N met Bucky's eyes as he lied about the training, giving him the middle finger as well. Rick sighed and looked to Shane. "You keep them in a bag or holster. At no time should we see the guns in your hands unless we are surrounded by walkers and is the last resort."

Y/N nodded, turning to Bucky. She thanked him with a smile, slightly relieved she didn't have to start threatening the others that they'd have to pry her guns from her cold, dead hands.

"The idea is to take the creek up about five miles, turn around and come back down the other side. Chances are she'll be by the creek considering Y/N didn't find anything farther out last night. It's her only landmark." Daryl informed, swinging his crossbow over his shoulder.

"Stay quiet, stay sharp. Keep space between you but always stay within sight of each other."

"Everybody keep on assembling your packs. Dale, keep on those repairs. We got to get this R.V. ready to move."

Y/N strayed a couple meters away from the group, leaning into the car Bucky and her claimed for the night. She grabbed her backpack and her assault rifle from the front seat. Not wanting to bring her whole bag with her on the trip, she set the bag on the trunk of the car and searched through the pockets to see if she had any extra weapons. She didn't address Bucky as he came and leaned on the car beside her until he spoke.

"You good?" He asked, looking through the cars at the rest of the group. That was one thing Y/N had noticed about Bucky; no matter where they were or what situation they were in, Bucky was always looking around at his surroundings, always on guard just in case something popped out at him. Y/N assumed he learned that habit early on, in the war. Always looking out, making sure they weren't being targeted by a sniper or a quiet soldier sneaking up on them.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" Y/N responded.

"I'm just checking," Bucky shrugged. "Making sure you're not being too hard on yourself."

"You're asking if I blame myself for not finding Sophia yet?" Y/N stopped her actions of looking through her bag to look at Bucky. "Do you blame me for not finding her?"

"Hell no, Y/N. You're still in my good books at the moment," Bucky met Y/N's hard eyes for a moment and then returned to looking at the mess of cars. "Now, see, if you didn't look for Sophia then I would put some of the blame for you."

Y/N hummed, gazing at her bag. "Do you have water?"

"In the car."

Y/N tossed him a full bottle of water. She knew it wasn't her fault the tracks went cold, and she did try her best to look for Sophia. It wasn't necessary for her to go back into the woods long after the sun set, but she did anyways.

"We'd better join the others, they're probably ready to go." Checking to make sure her weapons were in the right place, Y/N followed Bucky back to the R.V. Despite Shane and Rick's wishes of Y/N not carrying her guns, she had tucked her pistol in the waistband of her jeans and her assault rifle hung off of her back as she placed the strap across her chest. Bucky did the same.

The walk through the forest was rather uneventful besides the group falling across a tent with a man who committed suicide and then hearing a series of church bells ringing somewhere off in the distance. After locating where the church bells were coming from and discovering that it was on a timer, Y/N sat back on the grass and waited for Carol and Lori to finish what they were doing inside the building. Leaning back on her hands, Y/N looked up from the blades of grass to study Bucky. He was sitting on a tombstone, his legs outstretched and crossed in front of him. He absentmindedly twisted and fiddled with the machete in his hands.

"Were you ever religious?" Y/N asked, squinting as the sun shone down into one of her eyes. The dry grass tickled her palms and poked the back of her legs, but she remained sitting.

She watched as Bucky thought of an answer. "Not really, but back in the twenties it was deemed taboo to not believe in a God—in my town, anyways. My ma wanted us to be this wholesome, American family so I humored her by letting her drag me and my sisters to church every Sunday."

Y/N hummed, looking back up at the sky. "You grew up in Brooklyn, with Steve, right?"

"Yeah. I was born in Shelbyville, Indiana but we moved to Brooklyn when I was eight, or something, after my dad died."

The two's conversation died down as the rest of the group started joining together where Y/N and Bucky sat. Shane cleared his throat as he walked up to the group. "Y'all gonna follow the creek bed back, okay? Daryl, you're in charge. Me and Rick, we're going to hang back, search this area another hour or so just to be thorough."

"You're splitting us up. You sure?" Daryl asked. Y/N accepted Bucky's outstretched hand and he pulled her to her feet.

"Yeah, we'll catch up to you," Shane fiddled with the shotgun in his hands as he answered.

"I'll come with. The more the merrier," Y/N brushed her hands on her legs, moving to stand beside Rick. She didn't miss how Bucky took a deep breath and shifted his weight, looking at the others. As Rick and Lori debated on whether Carl should stay with his dad, Y/N stepped and bumped her hip against Bucky's. "You know you don't have to come with us just because I'm going. I won't feel too sad if you want to go with Daryl and the others."

Bucky shook his head, looking down at Y/N. "Steve will cut off every limb I have if something bad happens to you. It won't matter how much he loves me. I gotta make sure you don't decide to do something idiotic and end up killing yourself."

Y/N grinned, letting out a fake offended huff of air. "And I thought it was because you cared about me."

Bucky returned the playful smile. "Keep dreamin', Sugar."

Rick didn't take long in the church and the five set off back into the woods. Y/N and Shane held the rear of the party and Bucky and Rick lead them through the trail, effectively keeping Carl in the middle where he was safest. They walked in silence, slowly adding distance to the church but still keeping it in their radius.

Y/N's steps stilled as she heard a twig snap, her gaze circling around her. Rick pointed in the direction where he heard the noise, pulling his shotgun into his hands. Y/N recognized it as a deer before everyone else. Bucky tapped Carl's arm, putting his finger to his lips to signal for him to be quiet before showing him where the deer was. A smile tugged at Carl's features as he saw the deer, causing Y/N to smile as well. The small boy stepped closer to the deer, looking back at his dad and Bucky with a small grin on his face. Rick nodded for him to get closer, a small, astonished smile on his face as well. Carl grabbed Bucky's hand and pulled him with him.

The deer looked straight at Carl and Bucky as they slowly continued to creep forward. Step by step, just daring to see how close they could get before the deer ran off. The only noises Y/N could hear were the chattering of bugs and the small steps Carl took. The sun was at a point in the sky where it made the green of the trees seem to almost glow; Y/N felt calm as the scene unfolded in front of her.

Unfortunately, that feeling of serenity was cut short as Y/N watched Bucky visibly tense up, pushing Carl behind him in an instant. Y/N's eyes widened as a gunshot exploded in her ears. The deer and Carl both fell to the ground as Bucky ripped his rifle off of his back.


	3. Chapter 3

"Bucky," Y/N spoke gingerly, creeping up beside the aforementioned. Her mind was racing, unable to focus on one thing in particular as her ears recovered from the gun shot. Carl was shot, and if it weren't for her watching as Bucky and Carl crept up to the deer, she wouldn't have known that the bullet went through Bucky's thigh as well. The solider was rigid as he pointed his assault rifle at the man on the other side of the deer. 

Y/N knew Bucky would not hesitate to shoot if he knew the other man was a threat, but she could tell that the pain from the bullet wound and the shock was taking a toll on him because of how he hesitated, still unsure about the situation. "Stand down, Bucky." Y/N's hand reached up and gently nudged the gun down, taking the man out of the line of fire. Bucky resisted, his eyes a flurry of rage as he stared the man down. Y/N continued, persisting Bucky to lower his gun. "Look at him, he's terrified. It was a mistake, he didn't see us."

Y/N attempted to push the sound of Rick crying out for his son, glancing between Bucky and the larger man. The latter started blabbering, unable to form a strong sentence as he realized the bullet went straight through the deer. "Bucky, look at me," Y/N spoke more firmly, her fingers on the edge of the barrel. 

His eyes finally broke from the stare and looked Y/N in the eyes, his void from any emotion. "He's not a threat." 

Bucky nodded, his arms lowering. Rick cried out with panic in his voice, causing the two assassins to look back at the small body laying on the forest floor. 

"I—I'm sorry," the man stuttered. Y/N could tell he truly meant it from the desperation on his face. "I can help your boy. There's a farm—"

"Where?" Y/N snapped, taking a step towards the man. 

He lifted his arm and pointed North. "That way, about a mile down. I—I didn't see him, I swear."

"Rick?" Shane asked, as if to see if he was okay. Rick nodded, not missing another beat to scoop the small boy in his arms. The six began running through the trees, sweating from the Georgia heat. 

"You good?" Y/N noticed Bucky was pacing himself, running beside her as Rick took the lead in a frantic pant. She was unsure to how much pain he felt considering he was a super-soldier. She was pacing herself as well, not wanting all of her energy drained if something worse were to happen but to also be near Rick for if he fell or needed help. Bucky ignored her question, a stone expression on his face as he ran.

Rick grunted and cried as he adjusted his grip on his son, running as fast as he could. The thought of Carl losing his life to a stupid mistake like this made Y/N run at full capacity once the farmhouse was in their sight. She tried not to think about the rifle strapped around her hitting her back as she ran or the light-headedness she felt from the heat. As she hopped over the wooden fence, she saw a person run in the house from the porch. Taking two steps at a time, Y/N didn't think about normal civility as she barged through the door.

She nearly ran into the small group of people standing in the doorway. "There's a boy that's been shot. A man said that you could help," Y/N gasped, out of breath from sprinting. She looked back into the field and she saw that Rick and Bucky were more than just a couple paces away as they just reached the fence. Shane and Otis were just reaching the edge of the treeline. 

"Otis?" 

"The big guy, yeah. Can you help him or not?" Some tension forming in Y/N's chest eased as the older man with white hair nodded. 

Rick made it to the house faster than Y/N thought. Carl was hanging almost lifeless in his arms. "Help him! Help my boy." he cried out.

"Get him inside," the man ordered. Everyone followed him inside the house to a master bedroom as he started listing off items for the others to retrieve. "Pillowcase."

"Is he okay?" Rick asked, standing beside Hershel as he laid Carl down in the middle of the bed. Y/N grabbed a pillow and pulled the case, unsure if the command was for Rick or her. She folded it and placed it on Carl's wound as per Hershel's order once he got Carl's shirt off. Patricia nudged Rick to the end of the bed as she set up an IV. 

"Put pressure on the wound," Hershel spoke, grabbing a stethoscope. Y/N knelt on the bed and held the fabric in place. "I've got a heartbeat. It's faint."

A pair of hands settled on top of Y/N's which made her raise her eyes to the older woman. "I've got it, you can let go." 

Y/N just sat there on the bed. So many questions ran through her head but she said nothing as Maggie, Hershel and Patricia hustled around so she didn't distract them. On the other hand, Rick couldn't help but to continue to ask if his son was going to be alright. 

The realization of just how fatal the situation was hit Y/N hard. She had just met this kid a couple of days ago and now his life is on the line. She was trained not to get so emotionally attached so fast, but she couldn't help the tears pooling in her eyes. He was such a sweet kid, he didn't deserve what he was going through. 

Y/N didn't hear when Hershel ordered Rick to give them space or even when Otis and Shane arrived at the house. She knew they were talking, but her mind didn't focus as her eyes trained on the boys' sweaty face. She didn't hear Rick mention Lori, or how the bullet passing through Bucky's leg and the deer definitely saved Carl's life. She just knew there was a little boy dying in front of her and she couldn't do a damn thing about it. 

The former assassin was ripped from her thoughts as a hand wrapped around her upper arm, encouraging her to stand up from the bed. Y/N could tell it was Bucky without looking just by the coolness of his vibranium arm. She allowed herself to be tugged to her feet, her back brushing up against Bucky's chest. "They're doing the best they can. Let's get some air, yeah?" Bucky whispered in her ear. She nodded and followed him out of the bedroom. 

"How's your leg?" Y/N asked, suddenly feeling exhausted as the adrenaline escaped her body.

"It's fine."

"You need to sit down,"

"You should too," 

Y/N sighed and reluctantly sat beside Bucky on the couch, the door to the bedroom just a couple of feet away. Taking a peek at his leg, Y/N hated how there was a bullet hole but she couldn't tell how much it was bleeding as the blood blended in with the dark jeans Bucky was wearing. Of course, Bucky wouldn't show if it were bothering him. Y/N had no idea if he could actually feel the pain or not. 

"We should get you cleaned up," Y/N spoke softly. She watched as his eyes continued to trail over every small thing in the room. 

"After the kid's alright," 

Y/N merely sighed in response. She hated this feeling of helplessness. 

Y/N and Bucky sat silently on the couch for what seemed to be hours. They made room on the couch for Rick when he finished giving his first pint of blood. Y/N left the comforting to Shane since he knew Rick better than the rest of them. 

Although Y/N considered herself strong, the minute she heard Carl's screams resonate from the bedroom she had to leave. She was thankful that no one followed her as she sat outside on the front porch. Looking out at the sky where the sun was getting close to sunset, she remembered the screams of the younger children throughout the night as she laid on a stiff twin-size mattress, her wrists and ankles shackled to the bed frame. Every once in awhile, during the extensive training in the Red Room, Y/N witnessed a girl break from the pressure. No matter what age or background, there was always at least one girl in every unit that didn't survive the torture. They would either be killed by another girl during a supervised one-on-one match, beaten by a guard for being recalcitrant until you couldn't differentiate between the brain matter and the blood, but most would just sit and scream until their vocal chords ripped. They couldn't handle it; they wanted out. Their minds couldn't deal with the stress of the Red Room's training. It was inevitable. 

Y/N's attention turned towards the door as it opened. She offered a smile to Patricia which was tightly returned. "Bucky is refusing medical assistance. Would you be able to talk to him?" 

Y/N sighed and nodded. Of course he was refusing treatment. Standing up from the wooden rocking chair, she followed Patricia back into the house and up a set of stairs. "I'll be downstairs if you need me," the older woman said warmly, gesturing Y/N to one of the closed doors in the hallway. 

While opening the door, she gave a small thanks to the woman and then slipped inside, gently shutting the door behind her. She spotted Bucky sitting on the edge of the bed, his elbows resting on his knees as he pressed a white square of gauze to his wound. Seeing his rigid form, she felt a tad bit bad for just leaving Bucky alone in the house like that. She could tell he felt uncomfortable, like he didn't belong in such a put together family home. 

"I don't trust them," Bucky said through gritted teeth, getting straight to the point. He didn't want to hear her telling him he was being unreasonable by not letting someone clean his wound. 

"I never expected you to," Y/N took in the simple green and white theme of the bedroom as she walked over to a bookshelf packed with different kinds of books and small trinkets. "I don't either. But that doesn't mean we're not allowed to accept their offering of medical supplies."

"It's not the supplies I'm worried about."

"The worst that old lady could possibly do to you is poke you too hard with a needle and thread."

Bucky only responded with a sigh, not meeting Y/N's gaze. 

"We both know you're this tough-as-shit man that's obviously not going to die from a bullet wound, but the least you could do is get it stitched up so it heals faster," Y/N moved across the room to in front of a low vanity dresser. Her eyes trailed over the small items someone left on the surface like a hairbrush, a bag of makeup, a couple pencil cups organized into multiple categories. It was clear that the room was not just a bare guest room, somebody lived in here. She could see Bucky's unmoved form through the mirror.

"You do it then."

"What?" Y/N turned and looked at Bucky's back. "You do know I have like the bare minimum experience in the medical field, right?

"It's either you or nothing, Y/N. I'm not letting anyone else do this."

Y/N stood and gaped for only a moment. She didn't think he would have trusted her enough, especially since she didn't know what she was doing. "Um, alright then. Just give me a second, yeah?" Without waiting for a response, even though she was sure she wouldn't get one in the first place, Y/N exited the bedroom. She found Patricia with Hershel and Carl in the downstairs bedroom. Hershel was checking Carl's blood pressure as Patricia was idly cleaning up around them. "How is he?" 

"Stable, for now. We need to get those bullet fragments out as soon as possible, though. How's your boy?" Hershel glanced at the older woman. "Patricia told me he wouldn't let her touch him."

"Yeah, he's ... like that," Y/N trailed off, not mentioning how Hershel called Bucky hers. "I was wondering if you had a minute to give me a refresher course on sutures? Bucky's only going to let me do it, but I don't have that much experience."

While wiping his hands on a small towel, Hershel nodded her head and grabbed a tray sitting on the bedside table then gestured for her to follow him into the kitchen. "I don't think I caught your name?" He grabbed a peach from the kitchen counter and sat down at the dining table, Y/N following suit.

"Y/N Y/L/N,"

"Alright, Y/N. I'm Hershel," He placed the packaged items sitting neatly in the metal tray out on the table. He cut a shallow line down the side of the peach with a scalpel and then handed it to Y/N. "The main thing you have to worry about is how deep you decide to push the needle in. Go too deep and it won't heal nicely, go too shallow or close to the wound and the skin may rip or not have the effect you would like."

Hershel unpackaged a curved needle, surgical clamps, and thread. "You need to keep the stitches tight, but not so much that it tears the skin. Start in the middle of the laceration," Hershel demonstrated the first stitch, showing her how far under the skin she should push the needle. "You're going to make four knots. With the first knot, you wrap the thread around the clamps four times then pull the thread through. The next two knots, you only need to wrap it around two times and then for the last knot, only once."

Y/N listened intently to Hershel's lesson. She didn't want to mess it up and cause Bucky anymore unnecessary discomfort than needed. Hershel handed her the peach and let her finish the sutures under his supervision. Soon enough Y/N was slipping back into the bedroom upstairs with the surgical tray in her hands.


	4. Chapter 4

The morning after, Y/N was informed that Otis, the man who accidentally shot Bucky and Carl, had lost his life during the night. Carl needed surgery but Hershel didn't have the supplies needed so Shane and Otis made a quick decision to head down to a local high school where a FEMA shelter was set up prior to the outbreak. Otis didn't make it back. Y/N had dragged Bucky to the last minute funeral the Greene family had set up early in the morning. She could have chose not to go, as she barely even spoke two words to the man but she attended out of respect and gratitude for how much Hershel and his family had done for Carl and Bucky. 

Y/N was assisting Lori and Glenn with pitching a tent when she was called over to the truck Rick, Andrea, Bucky, Hershel, Daryl, Shane and Maggie were all standing around. A map was laid out on the hood, held down by three rocks.

"You've got a plan already?" Y/N asked, glancing at the map as she stood between Shane and Andrea. 

"Tomorrow we will start an actual organized search, it'll give most of us some time to rest and collect our bearings," Rick placed his hands on his hips; a muscle memory stance that Y/N noticed he did often. 

"Most of us as in you and Shane, right?" Y/N's eyebrows raised humorously. 

"That's including Mr. Barnes here, as well," Hershel nodded to the man standing across from Y/N on the other side of the hood. "I'd prefer to see him resting at least for a day or so more."

Y/N nodded slowly, her brows furrowing in slight confusion. She glanced briefly at Bucky before looking back to Hershel. "And Mr. Barnes is aware of that?" 

"That's what we called you over for," Rick spoke, looking at Bucky. "We were thinking you could talk some sense into him." 

Y/N looked directly at Bucky, examining his form. She then noticed he had an annoyed look on his face, the crease between his brows becoming more apparent the more the others talked as if he wasn't even standing there. His arms were crossed as he shifted his weight to his uninjured leg. "I'm afraid I'm a little in the dark. What am I talking to you about again?"

"They don't want me to go search for Sophia because of my leg," Bucky stated, the harsh tone matched his expression. "I'm fine, I've been walking around on it all morning."

"Oh, I see now. Alright everybody, ready to hear my momma bear voice?" Y/N glanced around the circle of people, amusement laced in her voice. The others underestimated Bucky's strength and willpower but Y/N did not. He was as stubborn as she was, they both knew that. If he says that he is capable of walking a couple miles in search of a child then Y/N didn't doubt him. "James Barnes," she paused, looking directly in Bucky's eyes as she feigned superiority. Placing her hands on her hips, she chose her words as if she were talking to a fussy child. "You need to rest. We'll all make an effort tomorrow to look for Sophia but you need to look after yourself first."

Y/N anticipated Bucky's reply. Rick and the others watched, unsure if Y/N was taking the request seriously. Bucky's face contorted into a frown, his eyes burning into Y/N's. He knew she was fucking around and wasn't taking this seriously. Of course he knew. Y/N was right there beside him along with Steve when he was kicked down by HYDRA multiple times in the past couple years. She saw how he just got back up after every hit, after every word spoken caused his brain to reset. He wasn't going to be slowed down by a mere bullet wound. 

"No, Y/N. Fuck you,"

The aforementioned promptly shrugged her shoulders. She shifted her gaze back to Rick and Hershel. "Well? I tried. Better luck next time," Y/N walked around the hood of the truck and patted Rick's shoulder. "Come on, soldier, let's go set up our tent."

Bucky trailed after Y/N and caught up to her once she walked at a speed he was comfortable with. Sure, the super-soldier serum helped but any wound was still a pain in the ass. Y/N made her way to the open spot where the bag with the tent sat next to Bucky's and hers personal backpacks. There weren't enough tents for everyone individually, so they had to pair up and obviously Y/N's knee-jerk response was to share with Bucky. They knew each other the best, and Y/N didn't want to admit that she wasn't fond of the awkward we-both-woke-up-at-the-same-time-so-who's-going-to-get-out-so-the-other-can-change interaction with any of the other group members. Bucky and Y/N had their own system already, why change that?

"The audacity Rick has, thinking I have some sort of soft spot for you and that I'll cave at your command,"

Y/N gasped and feigned shock, placing a hand on her chest as she turned to look at Bucky. "Wait, you're saying you don't have a soft spot for me? What was that whole hissy fit about medical assistance for then? Or was I just misinterpreting that in some way?"

"You're an ass, sometimes. You know that?"

"I take pride in it everyday, baby." Y/N picked up the tent bag and emptied it's contents onto the grass. She unfolded the tent as Bucky started on the poles, occasionally "accidentally" jabbing Y/N in the process. Once the last peg was in the ground, the two stood in front of it, admiring their work (and teamwork). They basked in the silence for a couple moments before Y/N spoke up. "You know, maybe we should just come clean about how we're both genetically enhanced. I feel like they won't be too mad that we were lying about our past."

"Was that what we were doing? I thought it was just withholding certain information. "

Y/N snorted. "Well, to our defense, they haven't even thought of asking yet."

"What the fuck are they doing?" Y/N asked, shielding the sun from her eyes with her hand as she watched her group members struggle to pull something out of a well in the field. Bucky got up from the log he was sitting on and stood beside her, looking to where she pointed. It looked to Y/N that the water pump that a rope was tied around got ripped out and now everyone was scrambling to pull whatever was in that well out.

"Maybe something got dropped in, now their trying to get it out?"

"Something alive, clearly. What else would cause that much panic?"

"Want to go check it out?" 

Y/N nodded, brushing past Bucky. She wasted no time lacing up her boots inside the tent, following Bucky down into the field. The two walked side by side until they reached where the others are, just as Glenn was being pulled over the lip of the well. 

"What are you doing?" Y/N took in Glenn's form as he gasped in air, sitting on his hands and knees. Everyone took to Glenn, grilling him questions and checking to see if he was alright, barely noticing Y/N's presence. Bucky called Y/N over, gesturing for her to look inside the well. A fat, bloated walker stood at the bottom of the well, sloshing and growling in anticipation from the live bait that was just swinging near it moments ago. Y/N could tell that it had been in there for awhile. Every inch of it's body had swelled up like a balloon, it's facial features barely recognizable. A second rope hung from the edge of the wall, the end tied into a knot with a hoop about the size of the walker. 

"I didn't get it, guys. I'm sorry," Glenn spoke after finally catching his breath. Lori knelt beside him, rubbing his back as everyone regained their posture. 

"Back to the drawing board, I suppose," Dale breathed. 

Y/N looked over every person before focusing on the rope tied around Glenn's waist and thighs. Placing her hands on her hips, Y/N connected the dots. "You're trying to get it out?"

"We can't just leave it in there," Maggie claimed, rubbing her forehead. 

"It'd be easier if it weren't moving, don't you think?" Bucky leaned over the edge of the well, examining the walker. 

"If it hasn't already contaminated the water then blowing it's brains out will," Andrea answered. 

Y/N glanced at Bucky, looking at his injured thigh. It was healing nicely. Unlike earlier in the morning, Bucky wasn't walking with a limp anymore. Y/N didn't know why the fact that his super-soldier state would make his healing process faster had slipped her mind. "What do you think, Buck? Should we try round two with a different player?"

"You or me?"

"Me, obviously. You're like two-hundred pounds, I can't lift you."

"Right. That was a stupid question,"

"No, we can think of something else. I don't want to risk another life again," Dale shook his head, looking Y/N in the eyes. 

Y/N lifted the rope that used to be tied to Glenn, untying all of the knots. "Well, while you're stewing up another plan, Bucky and I will be getting this water balloon out of the water hole," She gave the others a tight-lipped smile, looking down at the rope trying to figure out how they tied it the first time. 

"Give it here, I'll do it," Bucky grabbed the rope from Y/N's hands before she could stubbornly protest. She watched silently as his hands wrapped the rope like it was muscle memory, no doubt having done something like this plenty of times before. Her hands steadied herself as they held onto Bucky's shoulders once he crouched down to help her step through the two loops. 

"You've got some experience tying up girls, don't you Barnes?" Y/N gave Bucky a shit-eating grin as he tugged the rope tighter to her body, securing it the best he could. He glared at her and tugged it harsher, causing her to gasp at the jolt. Ignoring his lack of response, Y/N looked down at the makeshift harness and pulled at it herself. "All jokes aside, how'd you know how to do that so fast?" 

"Steve had a knack for sending us down the side of tall buildings during raids in German cities. Is that too tight?"

"It's good, I feel secure," 

"Considering my dad taught me thousands of knots he learned in the first war, everyone depended on me to tie their harnesses when we didn't think of bringing actual harnesses in the first place,"

Y/N hummed. She had spent many nights staying up with Steve as he told her all about his past. He told her what receiving the serum felt like, his missions with the Howling Commandos and World War Two, the memories he had with Bucky way before the war, what his family was like and everything. "Alright, you ready to drop me into the jaws of possible death?"

"You don't have to do this, Y/N. We can think of something different," Lori placed a hand on Y/N's shoulder. Not one member of the group wanted a repeat of what just happened to Glenn. 

Y/N smiled at Lori. "I can handle it." 

"This is stupid. Come on, Y/N. Being down there was terrifying," Glenn tried to protest as Y/N stood on the edge of the well, looking down. Bucky stood in front of her, offering her his bionic arm and the rope for the walker. 

"Luckily for us, I'm not terrified," Y/N grasped Bucky's hand and leaned back. "Please don't actually drop me, James."

"I would never intentionally," Giving her a comforting smile, he helped ease her down into the well until she was hanging. With one foot propped against the edge of the well, Bucky wrapped the rope around his metal arm like an anchor, accommodating his partner's weight. The others lined up behind Bucky and held the rope as well, mostly for moral support and to keep the rope from tangling. They watched in silent awe as Bucky supported Y/N's weight with no signs of struggle. Maggie knelt on the edge and kept an eye out as Y/N gradually lowered.

Y/N was scary calm, her face a neutral expression as she got closer to the swelling walker. Her foot occasionally brushed against the rocky wall to stabilize herself if she begun swinging. "Just a little bit more!" She called up, less than a quarter of the way to the bottom. If she stretched, her foot would just touch the walker's hands. The walker was making all kinds of noises once it caught sight of Y/N dangling above it, eagerly stretching it's hands up in hopes to catch the woman. 

As Bucky continued to shift the rope in his hands, he failed to notice the frayed spot in the rope until it was well past his hands. "Shit!" The rope snapped and Bucky lunged to grab it. His waist caught the edge of the well and the rope slipped through his fingers. Fear spread through his chest as the others screamed out and he watched Y/N plunge into the water. 

Y/N fought to keep the walker's hands from grabbing onto her, gasping for air after she pushed her head above the water. Her hair stuck to her face in wet tendrils, blocking her vision. Finding her footing, Y/N let go of the second rope to hold the walker off as it snarled and growled in her face. She couldn't hear the calls of her group members, too focused on not getting bit. She released one hand from the walker and placed it on the wall behind her, stabilizing herself. She lifted her leg, pressing the flat of her foot against the walker's neck.

Once she considered herself safe in that position, she grabbed the rope and slipped it over the walker's head and arms. The mission wasn't finished until the walker was out of the well. Y/N leaned back against the jagged wall with her foot still against the walker's neck. She collected her composure, catching her breath and pushing her hair out of her face. 

"Y/N, are you okay?" Lori asked in a panicked voice, crouching to look down the wall. 

"Oh, yeah, totally. Just having a tango with Bloats-McGee here!" Y/N breathed, looking up at everyone. "He's ready to go, just pull him up."

"No. We're pulling you up first," Bucky snapped. "Fuck the walker, I'll pull you up with that rope."

"It's already around him, Buck," Y/N gestured to the still very eager walker grabbing at her. "Just hurry up already, I'm getting a cramp in my leg!" 

Y/N listened as Shane ordered everyone to help out. Shane and Bucky stood at the front of the line, the others lined up behind them as T-Dog stood beside the well with a crowbar. They began hoisting the walker up and Y/N had to tilt her head down as the water dripped off of the bloated body. It took no time at all for the body to be pulled to the top of the well, but getting it over the lip was another problem. Y/N watched as it got stuck. It writhed and grabbed at air but it wouldn't lift itself over the edge of the well. 

As if things couldn't get any worse, before Y/N could fully realize what was happening, the lower half of the walker's body began to rip. In a split second the walker tore in half and the legs came tumbling down the well. Y/N's hands instinctively came up to protect her head as she curled herself into the wall. Getting hit with a pair of water-bloated, decapitated legs was not on the assassin's bucket list. 

The bottom half of the walker narrowly avoided Y/N, splashing into the water like a fish held in the air for too long. Then came the large amount of walker blood and guts which Y/N could not avoid like the body. The gore showered down on Y/N, coating her hair, skin, and clothing. 

Y/N gagged at the smell, wiping as much blood from her face as she could. She stood in the contaminated waist-high water with mixed emotions flowing through her. Disgust? No, there were a great deal of missions she had took that resulted in her drenched in someone else's blood. She knew she was disappointed; her and the others had put in so much effort just for it to all go to waste. As much as risking her life didn't bother her, she did almost get killed for it to end up so futile. 

"Y/N, are you alright?" Bucky's words broke through Y/N's daze. She looked up at him, squinting from the light. Merely nodding, she waited for Bucky to throw the rope down. Getting lifted out of the well was a blur but Y/N finally snapped out of her haze as Bucky grabbed her wrist and pulled her out the rest of the way like she weighed nothing. They stood there, right hands still clamped around each other's forearm as Y/N collected herself. "Y/N?"

Y/N's eyes finally lifted from the ground. As she gazed into Bucky's eyes she gave him a tight smile. She actively chose to ignore the other's reactions and stares over the fact that she was drenched in rotting blood. "You dropped me, James."

Despite Y/N's joking manner, Bucky looked at her with a guilty expression. "I'm sorry, Sugar. I didn't notice it in time,"

"It's okay. I handled it,"

"That definitely was not okay," Shane barked, stomping up to the two assassins. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was thinking about your original plan to get the walker out of there?" Y/N let go of Bucky's arm to face Shane. Her defensive side was building up and Bucky could hear it in her voice. 

"Fucking stupid," Shane huffed out a laugh, muttering to himself. "Don't you think if shit like that happens then you should think about yourself rather than getting yourself killed?"

"I had it fucking handled, Shane." Y/N's head tilted to the side as she straightened her back. "Everything was going smoothly until you couldn't get it through your thick head that the walker was going to rip."

Ignoring her remark, Shane glared at Bucky next. "Why'd you even let her go down in the first place?"

"She's a grown woman, she can make her own choices," Bucky stood behind Y/N, his chest barely brushing against her back. Y/N knew it was his way of holding himself back, even though at the moment Shane deserved every punch he got for acting like a dick. "It wasn't just me who was helping her down that well, either. I'm pretty sure I saw you and everyone else holding that rope as well."

Shane scoffed. "I just don't get you two. You gave her shit in Atlanta for facing that herd, but not even a week later you're basically throwing her down to be walker bait. So what is it? Are you her protector or her instigator?" 

"I gave her shit because she snuck out drunk with a pocket knife!" Bucky pressed against Y/N's back which she retaliated by pushing back, keeping her body firm. "I'm not worried about her getting hurt because I know she can manage herself."

"She went down there with nothing!" Shane pointed his finger at the well, raising his voice to the same octave Bucky barked at. Without a word, Y/N reached behind her and pulled her pistol from the waistband of her jeans, showing it off to Shane and the others. She didn't blame Shane for not noticing the gun as her shirt shielded it well. Shane merely scoffed, muttering out a low "Whatever, man," before stomping off. Andrea, T-Dog, Dale and Glenn also wandered off, discontentment set into their shoulders.

Maggie stepped closer to Y/N, catching her attention. "Feel free to take a shower in one of the upstairs bathrooms. I feel so bad that happened."

Y/N suddenly became agonizingly aware of the sticky feeling that enveloped her. Nodding to Maggie, she thanked her and started the trek back to the house. Bucky walked beside her in silence.

"Still consider me attractive?"

"Totally. All that blood and gore really brings out your eyes." He countered, wanting nothing more than to see her genuine smile, not the fake one or the tight-lipped smile she forced with a joke. There was no doubt that he felt bad; he was the one who didn't notice the fraying spot in the rope. She was put in danger because of a mistake he made. He couldn't help the grin that tugged at his lips once he saw her smile and turn back to look where she was stepping, a small chuckle escaping her throat. 

Y/N shook her head, pulling at her shirt. "I feel like I just got dragged out of a bad remake of that film Carrie."

"Who?"

"Dude, seriously? You couldn't even bother to watch any movies while hiding away in Romania?"

As Bucky sat in a folding camping chair near the fire pit that was in the center of the circle of tents, Y/N sat on the ground in front of him as she leaned back onto his legs. She was surprisingly worn out from the events earlier that day. Everyone was gradually gathering around the pit as dinner was just about finished. 

"У меня такое чувство, что рыбацкая шляпа собирается спросить нас о моем прошлом," I have a feeling the fisher hat is going to ask us about my past. Bucky whispered near Y/N's ear.

"Откуда вы знаете?" How do you know? 

"Просто ощущение." Just a feeling. 

Y/N turned her head enough to look at Bucky. "Вам интересно, что сказать?" Are you wondering how much to tell? 

Bucky nodded, his brows furrowed enough for a crease to form in between them. 

"Это зависит от того, насколько вам комфортно. Скажите, что вы зачислены в армию после того, как вы закончили школу, потеряли руку в результате несчастного случая и просто забили силу, как перку ее биномической руки." It depends on how much you're comfortable with. Say you enlisted for the army after you graduated high school, lost your arm in an accident, and just chalk the strength up as a perk of having a bionic arm.

Bucky leaned back in his chair, contemplating Y/N's plan. He appreciated that Y/N understood that he didn't want to discuss the things he did as the Winter Soldier. They had just joined this group, he didn't want to jeopardize that just because of his past. 

Once everyone had found a seat around the fire and a bowl of squirrel stew and a roll of bread was handed out, a light conversation hung around. Y/N was surprised to see that she was beginning to agree with Bucky about Dale wanting to know more about them. She was continuously noticing the older man sending brief glances at the two and feeling his eyes on her when she wasn't looking. 

Dale finally took advantage once the small talk between the members grew quiet. He cleared his throat, setting his empty bowl on the ground beside his chair. "So, Y/N, Bucky."

Y/N raised her brows and smiled, ripping a piece of her roll and popping it into her mouth. Whatever the others were talking about before was abandoned as they grew curious as to what Dale had to say. "I feel like you two have been in this group long enough that we deserve to get to know both of you a little better, don't you think? Just a little insight on who you two actually are."

"What would you like to know, Dale?" Y/N asked, ignoring Bucky's nudge of his foot; his way of saying I told you so. 

"Anything," Dale smiled and opened his arms, gesturing to the two assassins. "We can start shallow, where did you work before the outbreak? If I remember correctly, Bucky, you said you both have government gun training?"

Y/N turned her head and glanced at Bucky, cocking a brow. "Well, I was an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. before, you know, the whole infiltration of HYDRA. I liked the setting, but the CIA was too much for me, so when my coworker Natasha offered for me to join the Avengers I accepted."

"You're an Avenger? Why haven't I recognized your name before?"

Y/N shrugged at T-Dog's question. "My name's there, it's just not as spoken as often. I like my privacy. Having the whole world's attention focused on me wasn't my style, so I worked in the background." Y/N looked back at Bucky. "Your turn."

"My story's not as glamorous or exciting as Y/N's, unfortunately," Bucky sighed, leaning back in his chair. His eyes trailed over the others as they looked at him and Y/N. Of course they were interested in knowing more about two semi-cocky, usually bickering soldiers who seem to have no regard to their own safety or well-being. "After graduating high school I immediately enlisted for the military, following after my dad's steps."

"That makes sense now why Y/N called you soldier," Glenn chuckled.

"Oops, did I let that slip? I don't have any recollection of that." Y/N joked, shifting so she was sitting cross-legged. A few other people chuckled as well.

"What was that language you were speaking to each other? Russian?" Lori asked, leaning into Rick's shoulder. 

"Yeah, it was Russian. It's my first language, since I was born there. Bucky, learnt it when he was stationed there for the army."

"How'd you two end up together when the outbreak happened?" Shane asked.

Y/N bit her tongue as she held back a grimace. That topic was still a tender wound yet to be healed. She didn't want to think about her friends, or the trouble their probably going through at the moment. She didn't want to think about how Tony was still missing, or if the same infection had spread through Wakanda too. Noticing Y/N's hesitance to answer, Bucky thought up a convincing lie that was as close to the truth as possible. "There was a small war in Africa just before. The American government sent over half of their army and the Avengers to help Wakanda in the fight. Things got hairy fast, communications with other countries went down as the Wakandans started losing the fight. Y/N and I were sent back to the U.S. to gather up more troops, but by then dead people had started eating people."

"And that's where you two met? In Wakanda?"

"No, we're friends with the same guy. He was the one who introduced us to each other about two and a half years ago."

Y/N was a little shocked to see how well the group was taking their lies. They didn't even question why the rest of the world wasn't notified of the "war" happening, or how the country with the greatest technology known to mankind had communication issues. Most of all, she didn't understand how none of them recognized Bucky from when his photo and name was plastered on every news channel two years ago because of the bombing in Vienna.

"Alright, nobody else is asking it, so I will," T-Dog clapped his hands, immediately regretting that as he grimaced from the pain in his arm. "What's up with your guy's relationship? Because one moment there seems to be some sort of flirty tension between you two and then the next moment you're at each other's throats bickering like an old married couple. Just wanted to clear up the confusion that's been on everyone's mind."

"Oh, God, no. We're just friends, guys." Y/N shook her head. She didn't realize their bantering was sending mixed signals to the group. She didn't blame them, though; her flirty, teasing demeanor was just how she was. It didn't actually mean anything to her or Bucky.

"I'm glad we cleared that up ahead of time. It definitely saved us the embarrassment later on that was bound to happen," Dale chuckled, fiddling with his watch.


	5. Chapter 5

When Y/N woke up the next morning there was an empty sleeping bag next to hers. It took her a couple minutes to get dressed, do a short session of yoga outside her tent, and then have a handful of vegetables Beth had brought from the farm's garden for the group for breakfast. The first members Y/N had seen finally start waking up were Rick, Dale, and Glenn. She was a natural early riser by default and seeing that Bucky was awake before her caused some concern. Since it was about two months since Y/N crashed the plane in America, and two months since dead people started eating other people, Y/N had spent enough nights with Bucky sleeping nearby to notice the frequent nightmares that plagued his mind. She knew of the pattern, as well; the nightmares come later at night, or a couple hours before morning, he would wake up with a jolt, leave the room or place they were sleeping "to get some air", and then the next night he would be more reluctant to fall asleep.

Bucky didn't like talking about his nightmares, so Y/N respected that and tried to avoid bringing them up in conversation despite her curious manner that made her want to know what he dreamed about. She had to assume it was obviously tied to his experiences at HYDRA.

"Good morning," Rick greeted Y/N, taking a bite of his breakfast.

"Morning, Rick. Sleep well?"

"As well as it gets. How about you and Bucky?"

As Y/N pulled a comb through her hair, she moved to sit in one of the chairs sitting around the fire pit. "I slept okay. I'm not sure about Bucky though, he was gone when I woke up. Have you seen him lately?"

Rick shook his head. "I haven't seen him yet, sorry. You still up for looking for Sophia today?"

"Of course," Y/N smiled.

Once Rick was finished breakfast and the others who were going to go out and look for Sophia were awake, Y/N accompanied them around the yellow truck's hood where the map was placed. "Alright, everyone's getting new search grids today. If she made it as far as the farmhouse Daryl found, she might have gone farther east than we've been so far."

"I'd like to help," A boy Y/N hadn't met yet stepped in, shoving his hands in his pockets. He was young, way younger than Y/N was. "I know the area pretty well and stuff."

"Hershel's okay with this?"

"Yeah, yeah, uh, he said I should ask you."

"All right then. Thanks," Rick nodded, turning back to the map.

"Nothing about what Daryl found screams Sophia to me. Anyone could have been holed up in that farmhouse," Shane said, sitting in the passenger seat of the truck with his legs hanging out.

"Anyone includes her, right?" Andrea retorted.

"Andrea's right. It won't hurt to look," Y/N nodded her head.

"Whoever slept in that cupboard was no bigger than yay-high," Daryl raised his hand to his waist.

"Y/N," Y/N turned her body to look behind her at Bucky who called her name. Her lips turned down in concern when she noticed the sharp tone in his voice. He was advancing from the direction of the farmhouse.

"There you are, we're just figuring out where we're searching," Y/N spoke, turning back to the map.

"в сарае есть ходунки." There's walkers in the barn.

Y/N's body went rigid as Bucky's statement rushed over her like cold water. She turned back to him, her brows knit together. "What?" Bucky didn't reply, only lightly nodded. Y/N's eyes trailed over him, taking in his posture. His shoulders were set, his right hand resting on his sheathed knife on his belt, his face holding a hard expression. Why would he lie about something like that, other than to get her alone in such a dramatic manner?

"Bucky and I'll start at the farmhouse, start circling the area going as far as we can," Y/N pointed where she mentioned on the map. She then turned and began walking in Bucky's direction.

"What's going on?" Rick asked, suspicion etching his features.

"Bucky got mud on my sleeping bag, I gotta go shove something up his ass right now," Y/N answered over her shoulder as she strides to Bucky. To make her lie more authentic, since they were still in eyesight of the members at the truck, Y/N ducked into her shared tent and searched for her guns as Bucky waited outside. The double shoulder holster Y/N found a couple weeks back at a gun shop in Atlanta was shoved at the bottom of her backpack. She shrugged it on over her t-shirt then grabbed her jean jacket. It was oversized and slightly worn out, but it was her favorite item of clothing because it was conventional and fashionable at the same time.

"I thought Hershel said no guns on the property?" Bucky playfully derided. Y/N scoffed as she checked the ammo in both of her pistols.

"If we're going out to look for Sophia I'm taking my guns, and if there's walkers in the barn I'm carrying permanently. Fuck Hershel's wishes." Y/N walked alongside Bucky towards the barn, a curious yet threatened feeling growing in her chest. "So what exactly do you mean when you say there's walkers in the barn?"

"I mean there's walkers, dead people, currently residing in the building with four walls and a pointed roof as we talk."

"Okay, smartass. How many?" They were just nearing the barn.

"At least a couple more than a dozen. I'm not sure, it was dark when I saw."

Y/N strode directly up to the large double doors, instantly noticed the measly bike lock holding the two doors together. Raising her closed fist, she slammed it on the door multiple times. It took a second before the doors started pushing out to her, the menacing growls erupting like an alarm. Bucky tapped her arm. "Come with me."

He led her around the barn to a ladder, gesturing for her to climb up first. "So, when exactly did you discover this?" Y/N grunted as she pulled herself up to the hayloft when the ladder ended a couple feet short of the floor. Hay covered the wooden plank floor and it was darker than she expected. Dust reflected off of the rays of light peeking in through the cracks in the wooden walls.

"Earlier this morning,"

Y/N didn't like how vague his answer was but she didn't ask him to elaborate. She wasted no time stomping to the edge of the hayloft and peering down at the walkers who were still invested in pushing against the door. "What the fuck?" She whispered to herself, her face contorting in a frown. Bucky sat down on a hay bale, resting his elbows on his knees.

"Now, what would be a sane reason for keeping walkers like pets?"

She shook her head, unable to answer the question. "What should we do about it?"

"Bring it up with Hershel, consider his reasoning before taking action?"

"No. He'll kick us off the land if he finds out we've been snooping through his secrets. We need to stay until Carl and you heal fully, at least."

"So we keep this to ourselves? I already don't sleep well at night, I don't need a security threat plaguing my mind also."

Y/N began to pace, chewing her lip as she thought of a solution. "This is a problem. The walkers are fine if they stay in the barn, but you've got to consider what this means about that old man's sanity. Maybe he took one too many hits on the head or his schizophrenia is starting to kick in. Is that really who we want to share a living space with?"

"If that's the case, then the whole group is walking on eggshells," Bucky chuckled humorlessly, wringing his hands.

"Yeah, we are."

The two sat in silence, listening to the idle moans of the walkers below them. Y/N didn't know what to do. She didn't want to risk having to leave the farm over a security threat. As far a she knew, the farm was safe. It was free of roaming walkers and a large supply of food from the garden. "Unless it becomes an even bigger threat, we can keep this to ourselves. I don't know how long they've been in here, but obviously long enough that Hershel doesn't need someone to keep watch just in case they break out." Bucky stood up, casting one last glance down at the walkers.

Y/N agreed, following Bucky back to the exit. "Let's go look for Sophia now."

Twenty minutes later, Y/N and Bucky were walking through the forest with their eyes up in search of the small child. Y/N's mind was still racing after discovering the barn. She walked in silence with her hands stuffed in her denim jacket as Bucky walked a comfortable distance beside her. Fort Benning seemed to be out of the picture at the moment, which Y/N didn't like a tiny bit. She felt like she was stalling from getting to her friends. However, she was on the fence; the farm was a location she considered safe at the moment, and Carl needed safe to heal.

To attempt to slow her thoughts and be able to actually focus on something more more than three seconds tops, Y/N began a conversation. "Hey, Bucky?"

"Hm?"

"Do you know how to spar?"

"Yeah, I've sparred a couple times with the Commandos, why?"

"I'd like to kick your ass without you holding back this time," Y/N smirked, keeping her gaze forward.

"What?" Bucky chuckled, looking at Y/N's profile with a confused expression.

"You've got memory problems or something, old man? The airport in Germany? You were totally holding back."

"We wouldn't have needed to fight in the first place if you were on our side," he quipped, shaking his head.

"Hey! I was working with the information I was given. I signed those accords, the Secretary of State would have thrown me into prison if I acted against his and higher authority's wishes." Y/N stopped walking, grabbing his arm to stop him as well. "If I had known that you were framed, and that Zemo was behind all of it, I would have personally shot everyone in your way on route to Siberia."

Bucky merely nodded, unsure of what to say.

"But still, you held back," Y/N fake pouted, beginning to walk again.

"I didn't know who you were or what you could do, just like the others," Bucky defended himself. "All I knew is that we had to get to the super-soldiers before Zemo did and you were in our way so Steve decided to fucking fight you."

Y/N chuckled, looking down at her feet. "Even after being frozen for how many years, Steve still picks a fight with anyone he chooses. Why is that?"

"Only God knows," Bucky laughed with her, remembering the memories of saving Steve from bigger guys in the thirties.

The two fell into a comfortable silence. Y/N couldn't find any tracks that looked similar to Sophia's so she just kept walking in circles near the farmhouse. As much as she tried not to blame herself or Rick for not finding the little girl, she still felt responsible for her getting lost in the first place. She should have looked harder, even closer at the tracks that became so faint even she couldn't see them.

"I have a question," Y/N stated abruptly, feeling her mind begin to wander and race again. "I just gotta know. Your arm—,"

Bucky rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated groan.

"I know, I know, you don't like me asking you questions about your arm, but it's been on my mind for awhile now."

"It's not that I don't like you asking questions, it's just that you ask too many."

"Oh. Well, anyways. Since it's made out of vibranium, does it absorb heat like all of the other metals? It's been in the sun for a pretty long time today, so is it at least warm right now? I know it's the strongest and most malleable material, but it's had me wondering."

Shifting his rifle into his flesh hand only, Bucky held out his left arm in front of Y/N, slowing his pace. Looking at him for confirmation, Y/N placed her palm on his forearm and gasped. "Holy shit, it's a lot colder than I expected."

Bucky snorted at her childish-like reaction, amused at how excited she got. He didn't realize they stopped walking as his eyes trailed over her face. "And the joints? They look pretty seamless, do they pinch you?" Bucky couldn't help but feel shy at how much positive attention she was giving him arm. He often felt insecure about it, usually associating it with HYDRA and all of the kills he made as the Winter Soldier. He didn't mind her questions because they were never about his past or something related to death, destruction or pain that it's inflicted. It was usually just about it; the mechanics of it, the structure, how much sensitivity he felt, if it pinched him from time to time.

"I've never had this one pinch me, but the other one did with it's stupid shifting plates," He answered, unable to take his eyes off of Y/N's face as she studied his arm in awe.

Without warning, Y/N pressed her ear to his bicep and closed her eyes to listen. "Clench your hand for a second." Bucky did as she asked, curling and uncurling his fingers until she pulled back. "It's nearly silent, Shuri did an amazing job with manufacturing it."

"Yeah, she did," As Y/N trailed her fingers down the gold lines, moving towards his palm, Bucky realized just how attractive Y/N looked. Her hair was pushed away from her face, her skin lightly sheen from sweat because of the heat. The shadows of the leaves above them danced across her skin, giving her a natural glow. Every couple of seconds he could see the true color in her eyes when the sun shone in them. Her lips were tugged into a small smile as her eyes trailed over every inch of his arm. The look of pure admiration clearly evident in Y/N's orbs shot a bundle of nerves through his stomach, unsure if he deserved all of this positive attention. They both forgot about the search, or how she was only supposed to feel the temperature of his arm as they stood in the shelter of the trees.

"Did you have a say of what you wanted it to look like when Shuri was designing it?"

"I think I was still in cryo when she made it, that or she never mentioned that she was making one until we caught wind of Thanos." He swallowed. He didn't miss how to corners of her smile faltered when she heard that. "I didn't mind, though. Being a one-armed man isn't as hard as it looks, actually. Besides trying to tie my hair back, that is."

Y/N's full smile returned as her eyes flicked up to meet his for a split second before dropping back to his hand. She held it in both hands, brushing her thumbs over the artificial pads on his fingers and palm. The action make Bucky shudder. No matter how long since Shuri replaced his missing arm, he was still discovering new touches he was unfamiliar with. Feeling Y/N's soft touch brush over the very sensitive sensors was nothing comparable to when he touched his own skin. It was like a brand new feeling all together. He couldn't help but wonder what other expanses of her skin would feel like under his fingers.

Seemingly snapping out of a trance, Y/N swallowed, stepped back and dropped Bucky's hand. "Sorry, I probably took it too far. I got carried away," Y/N couldn't look up into Bucky's eyes as she wrung her hands together. She felt embarrassed, she wasn't paying attention to how he would feel if she kept touching him longer than her welcome.

"No, no, it's okay. I don't mind," Bucky rubbed the back of his neck. "It actually helps me feel more ... normal, I guess."

"Oh," Y/N paused. Trying to cover her sudden shyness, she looked out into the forest. "We should probably keep looking."

"Y-yeah. Right,"

-

"Hey, Carl," Y/N walked over to the picnic table near the circle of tents where the boy was sitting, offering him a kind smile. She smiled at his mother as well, who was sitting next to him.

Carl's head raised to the sound of his name, his eyes searching for who said it. His eyes lightened at the sight of Y/N. Back on the highway, when Shane had snapped at him once or twice for no reason Y/N had witnessed it and tried to cheer the boy up. He liked to consider her a friend, even though they had just met and didn't have that much interaction. "Hi, Y/N."

"Mind if I join you two?" Carl and Lori both nodded. She gestured to the sheet of paper. "What'cha working on?"

"Homework," He grumbled, setting his pencil down.

"Homework's fun," As she sat down across from him, she set the books in her hands down on the table. She glanced at the paper and noticed he was working on multiplication. "You like comic books and those kinds of things, right?"

Carl nodded, casting a curious look at Y/N.

"Sweet, because while I was out searching with Bucky today we found this coloring book on superheroes. I wasn't sure if you're into that kind of thing, so I decided to bring it with me anyways." Y/N held up one of the books, showing the front cover to him.

"Cool! Thank you Y/N," Carl grinned. "We can work on it together, right?"

"After you finish those equations, yes,"

The young boy rolled his eyes but smiled playfully. He picked his pencil back up and went to work immediately. Y/N sent a wink to Lori, opening her sketchbook and picking up her own pencil. She flipped to the page with Natasha on it. There were tons of things Y/N could draw, but she enjoyed portraits the most. Amongst all of her sketches, there was an underlying pattern; every shading, every line, every proportion was what Y/N had seen at least once in her life. The book was filled with her memories: her friends, strangers passing by on the streets of New York, unique little items of food she decided to test in a small coffee shop, enemies, monsters in her nightmares when she was little, everything. Since she was her best friend, she already had multiple pages for Natasha, all varying in poses, angles, medium usage. The page that the book was flipped open to was Y/N's most recent one with Nat's blonde, cropped hair. It was of her upper body, holding a book as she leaned against the railing on the terrace. Nat had just contacted Steve, telling him she still wanted in with the secret Avengers community. They were in Paris having a day off eating overpriced gelato in an even more overpriced hotel room with a perfect view of the Eiffel Tower. Nat was relaxed, wearing a baggy sweatshirt and denim shorts, even though it was the middle of Autumn, her hair in a half up-do after being freshly bleached two days prior in the hotel bathroom.

"That's a beautiful drawing," Lori commented, causing Y/N to look up at her.

"Thanks," She smiled.

"When did you start drawing? With that much skill you must have started young, right?"

"Actually, I never really was interested in it until I met my friend a couple years ago," Y/N looked down at her drawing, remembering how Steve, despite her skill level, always encouraged her to continue. They'd spend hours on end just sitting there, listening to music and drawing together when they both had days off from going on missions. "He was the one who had drawn for his whole life. I guess I just needed a little help from him to figure out my style and what I enjoyed."

Lori was about to reply when Andrea stood up from her chair on top of the RV. "Walker. Walker!"

Y/N shot up from her spot, looking up to Andrea. Her eyes trailed in the direction she was looking, seeing a walker just past the edge of the treeline.

"Just the one?" Rick asked, hastily brushing past Y/N from wherever he came from.

"I bet I can nail it from here," Andrea looked through her binoculars, reaching down for the rifle next to her.

"No, no, Andrea," Rick raised his hand at the aforementioned. "Put the gun down."

"You'd best let us handle this," Shane ducked out of his tent, grabbing a hatchet. Y/N couldn't help but notice how ripped he was as his shirt was unbuttoned completely.

"Shane, hold up. Hershel said he wanted to deal with the walkers,"

"What for man? We've got it handled."

Y/N chose to stay up by the camp as she watched Shane, Rick, Glenn, and T-Dog sprint down to the walker. The temperature had risen since the morning and Y/N didn't feel like getting all hot and sweaty right before they had dinner with the Greene's in the house. Bucky had ducked out from their tent from hearing the commotion. He walked up beside Y/N, checking out what was going on.

Y/N's attention was brought back to Andrea once Dale climbed halfway up the ladder of the RV to get a better look. "Andrea, don't."

"Back off, Dale," Andrea bit, laying down on her stomach and looking through the scope of the rifle.

"You're just wasting ammo, Andrea. Listen to Rick for once, they said they handled it." Y/N shot at the woman on top of the RV.

Despite everyone telling her not to, Andrea pulled the trigger, grinning when the body fell to the earth.

"Oh, now you've fucking done it," Y/N berated angrily, hearing Rick scream out. She lifted a hand, blocking the sun from her eyes as she tried to see just exactly who Shane and Rick were currently lugging over their shoulders. "You just can't listen for one goddamn second, can you?"

Y/N trailed after Shane and Rick to the house after seeing the unconscious Daryl. Andrea shot Daryl in the head and Y/N wasn't sure if he was still alive. She waited outside of the guest bedroom with Lori, her eyes trained on the hardwood planks beneath her dirty shoes as she leaned her back against the wall. She fully knew Daryl was an ass, but he was a valuable member to the team. He could hunt, he could take care of himself, and from the tiny information Y/N had gotten from the other members in the group, he knew how to fight too. If he was going to die because Andrea couldn't get her head out of her ass and tone down her ego, she might have to prepare herself for the shit Y/N would give her.

Y/N could feel the anger bubbling inside of her. She could only list negative aspects she had picked up of Andrea, not finding any good reason yet. The assassin had to use all of her strength not to storm downstairs and chew Andrea out just for being a little shit.

The door to the bedroom opened and Rick stepped out. Y/N and Lori both stood up from their places on the floor in sync, looking in anticipation at Rick. "He'll be alright," Rick muttered, pressing a kiss to his wife's cheek.

Shane closed the door, toying with the hat in his hands. "I hate to say it, but I'm with Hershel on this one. Can't keep going out there, not after this."

"You'd quit now? Daryl just risked his life to find the first hard evidence we've had." Rick stepped closer to Shane.

"That is one way to look at it," Shane chuckled humorlessly. "The way I see it, Daryl almost died for a doll."

"Yeah, I know how you see it," Rick gritted through his teeth, marching down the stairs.

Y/N gave Shane a long, hard look. Why was he giving up so easily? Y/N couldn't stop looking, not now. She'd never be able to look Carol in the eye again unless she found her daughter. It didn't make her emotional, Y/N didn't know Carol or Sophia enough to form a connection, and after years and years of people dying at her own hands and losing the fight against the bad guys, Y/N had hardened her walls enough to not get emotional over people she didn't know very well. Nevertheless, Y/N didn't think Carol would ever trust her or befriend her if she didn't find Sophia. Finding Sophia was a mission, and Y/N would follow through with it until it is finished.

After realizing Shane had given her a look, silently asking for her to leave so he could talk to Lori in private, Y/N turned on her heels and exited the house. She made no effort to move out of the way as she shoved her shoulder against Andrea's once she passed her on the porch, not giving her a second look. She just had to spend one more hour having an awkward dinner with everyone in the group before she could finally call it quits and go to bed early. Just one more hour.


	6. Chapter 6

"So," Y/N started, toying with the rifle in her hands. She watched in front of her as she stepped over twigs and tree roots. "You didn't go to sleep last night?"

Bucky sighed as he walked alongside Y/N, keeping his eyes up. He knew lying to Y/N was fruitless; for some odd reason she always knew when he wasn't telling the truth. Whether or not she called him out on it was another story. "Had too much on my mind so I kept an eye on the barn for a couple hours. 'Might've dozed off for a few minutes, not sure."

Y/N hummed, not pressing any further. After receiving news of where Daryl found Sophia's doll a day prior, Y/N and Bucky were now circling around near the creek. Since they started at the break of dawn, neither of them able to sleep in a couple hours later that they were used to, it was nearing lunch time. Y/N could feel the hunger starting to tug at her stomach in retaliation for skipping breakfast.

"Still no sign of the kid," Bucky sighed once the two finished their rounds. He began walking towards the direction of the farm, adjusting the straps of his backpack. "We should head back now, talk to Rick and look at the map again."

Y/N's eyes trailed over her surroundings, a look of discontent on her face. "You can, I'm going to stay back a little longer, see if I can find any kind of tracks."

"Y/N, that's what we've been doing this entire time."

"The longer she's out there, the longer she's in danger, Buck."

"You're not the only one looking for her, you know that right? Everyone else is determined to find Sophia too, so you don't have to feel like you're the only one responsible," When she didn't reply, Bucky continued. "Plus, after what happened to Dixon, Rick's not going to like the idea of you being alone out here."

Y/N rolled her eyes, letting out an exasperated groan. Bucky chuckled, amused at how annoyed she got when people underestimated her abilities.

"Listen, we go back, get some food into that stomach of yours, get out of the sun for a little bit, and then maybe in the afternoon we'll head back out and start looking again."

"I'm not hungry," Y/N lied. Her hunger was still bearable, she could keep going if she wanted to.

"Yes, you are. I could hear your stomach growling from miles away,"

"Fuck you and your enhanced hearing," Y/N grumbled, pushing past Bucky in the direction of the farm. She ignored his taunting laugh as he caught up to her pace. Y/N pouted as they continued walking until they came across a small lake. She ignored Bucky's plan of getting back to the farm as her steps slowed down near the dock. Setting down the rifle in the grass, Y/N's hands found the hem of her t-shirt.

"What are you doing?" Bucky asked, watching as she slipped her shirt over her head.

"Cooling off," Y/N shrugged, working on the zipper of her jeans, pulling them off after she got her boots off. "Come on, come with me."

Y/N grinned, clad in only her bra and underwear. Paying no attention to Bucky's disapproving look, she wasted no time in sprinting down the dock and diving in. Bucky stood at the end of the dock as Y/N resurfaced, still fully clothed and still disapproving.

"What? Scared to get a little water in your hair, kitten? Hm?" Y/N mocked, reaching to hold onto the dock. It was low enough for Y/N to rest her head on her folded arms while still halfway submerged in the water. Bucky crouched and sat on his haunches, trying to ignore how comfortable Y/N was undressing like that only a couple seconds ago. He had to remind himself that it was still the twentieth century and that the way people viewed modesty was very different.

"Why are you so hellbent on finding Sophia?"

Y/N sighed at the abrupt question Bucky threw at her. "I'll answer if you get in the water. I'll even look away if you're shy."

Bucky stood up straight and kicked his boots off along with his socks. He sat at the edge beside Y/N and rolled up his pant legs, dipping his feet into the water. Y/N groaned, pushing away from the dock. She swam out a couple feet, enjoying the contrast of the cool water and the warm air. "That's not what I meant. It doesn't count."

"You said get in the water. I'm in," Bucky said nonchalantly. Y/N studied Bucky's semi-relaxed form. He leaned back on his hands, looking directly back at Y/N. As she tread the water calmly, she knew she was stalling as she wondered why Bucky wouldn't get in the water. His grey t-shirt stretched across his chest and his hair was pulled back into a loosely tied bun at the nape of his neck. He had this look on his face, the one when he was trying to figure Y/N out; a mix of curiosity but suspicion, his eyes narrowed in a half-lidded gaze as his lips pressed into a straight line. A five o'clock shadow was just growing in; he was able to borrow an electric razor courtesy of Hershel the night they arrived on the farm.

"A mission is a mission," Y/N simply stated.

"That's all you consider it? It's just a mission," Bucky confirmed. "That's why you haven't spoken more than two words to Carol, right?"

Y/N swam back to the dock and pulled herself up out of the water. She disregarded Bucky's gaze as she wrung out her hair and brushed the water droplets off of her body. "Can we stop talking about it? I feel bad about it enough already."

She didn't want to go into detail about how she actually didn't care if Sophia were to be found or not. It was how she was coded, how her system worked: don't get attached and forget about it easily. If she didn't repeat that mantra in her head, she wouldn't have been as strong as she is. She would've broken down years ago if she worried about the things she had no control over.

Y/N silently slipped her clothes back over her slightly damp body. No more words were spoken between the two as they continued back through the forest.

"How about you just give me that bag, huh?"

Bucky's had clamped around Y/N's upper arm to stop her movements, straining his ears for where he just heard Shane's voice.

"I'm not going to do that,"

"Yeah, you are, Dale," Y/N found where Shane and Dale were standing beside a swamp. Ducking behind a tree, she pulled Bucky with her before they could be noticed. She could feel the tension radiating from Shane. "Unless, well, you do have that rifle over your shoulder."

"What, you're going to shoot me like you did Otis? Tell another story?"

Shane chuckled humorlessly at the accusation. "Nah, man. Hell, when you really look at it, cold light of day, man, you're pretty much dead already. Just give me the guns. Do it now."

Y/N peeked around the trunk of the tree, her vision being blocked by a bunch of bushes and shrubs. Bucky tapped her leg, silently motioning for the rifle. Once she handed it to him, he raised it and peeked around his side of the tree, aiming it at the men.

"You think this is going to keep us safe?"

"I know it is,"

"Rick is trying to get Hershel to let—,"

"Man, shut up. Just shut up and give me the guns," Shane shook his head, gritting his teeth. Y/N heard the cock of Dale's rifle and she shifted to Bucky's side, trying to see what was going on.

"I'm gonna have to shoot you, I have to kill you? Is that what it's going to take?"

Shane scoffed. Disregarding Dale's guarded stance, he stepped down to his level until the end of the barrel was flush against his chest. "Yeah, that's what it's going to take."

"This is where you belong, Shane," Dale lowered the rifle, shaking his head.

"How's that, Dale?"

"This world, what it is now, this is where you belong," Dale hung the rifle's strap on his shoulder, stepping back to the bag of guns. "I—I may not have what it takes to last for long but that's okay. At least I can say that when the world goes to shit, I didn't let it bring me down with it."

Dale shoved the plastic covered bag against Shane's chest.

"Fair enough," Shane sauntered off with the bag, a smug look on his face.

Y/N stood from where she was crouched, stepping away from the tree. Dale took a deep breath once his eyes landed on the two assassins. "That man's destructive behavior may be the downfall to the group."

Y/N nodded, giving Dale a grim smile. "I guess I didn't care enough to pay attention until now. His true colors are starting to show and I wonder how long it's going to take until consequences have to be taken into consideration." She glanced at Bucky, a hard look in her eyes.

"You two should run ahead. Glenn found out Hershel keeping walkers in the barn and it's only going to take so long before Shane deals with it."

"We know about the walkers," Bucky confided, working his grip on the rifle.

"Of course you know," Dale muttered as the two assassins start running to the farm.

Everyone excluding Dale were down at the barn once Bucky and Y/N arrived. Shane was pacing, yelling his head off to Hershel about how the walker's weren't people anymore. Two shots rang out as Shane shot at the walker caught in the snare pole Hershel was holding.

"Shane, that's enough!" Y/N barked once she was close enough.

"That's three rounds to the chest. Could someone alive, could they just take that? Why is it still coming?" Shane shot four more rounds into the walker's torso. "That's its heart, its lungs. It's still coming!"

"Shane!" Rick bellowed, struggling to hold onto his own snare pole. "Enough!"

"Yeah, man, that is enough," Finally putting the walker out of its misery, Shane fired one last bullet through it's brain. Y/N and Bucky paced around the edge of the circle of people, knowing damn well they will get caught in the crossfire if they try and stop Shane. "Enough risking our lives for a little girl who's gone! Enough living next to a barn full of things trying to kill us! Enough! Rick, it ain't like it was before. Now, if y'all want to live, if you want to survive, you gotta fight for it! I'm talking about fight, right here! Right now!"

Y/N ran just as Shane did, making it to the double doors just as he started hitting the padlock with a pickax. She caught his arm just as he hooked the tip of the pickax between the wood and the hinge. One small tug and the barn will be open. Placing her foot on the door and shifting all of her weight to keep it closed, her left arm positioned under his elbow as her right hand pointed her pistol at his chest. She looked at him with such harshness, blocking every other background noise as she just focused on Shane. "If you do this, it's game over. No more safety. No more farm for us to live on. If you care about Carl as much as you claim to do, you will not put him in danger like this. We'll be forced to get off of this land, and then we're exposed again. Do not do this, Shane. You still have a choice. This is not how we need to do it."

Shane looked into Y/N, hesitating for a split second before pushing the pickax up, breaking the lock. He slammed his fist on the door, inviting the walkers to come out before stepping back. Y/N let the disappointment and exasperation show on her face, looking to Rick then to Bucky. There was nothing left she could do. The walkers on the other side of the door was beginning to push against Y/N's weight.

Bucky nodded, looking into Y/N's eyes. She lowered her foot, backing out of the line of fire. Before returning her pistol back into her shoulder holster, Y/N shot the walker Rick was still holding onto, impatient with his fruitless calls to Hershel. Every shot, every bullet fired, resonated through Y/N's body. Her hands hung lifelessly at her side, not noticing Bucky's careful gaze as he refused to shoot at the walkers streaming out of the barn. Her eyes fell to the ground.

A long minute passed until the gunshots faded out. Bodies littered the ground, the stench of rotting blood just hitting Y/N's senses. Bucky nudged the girl beside him, causing her to look up from the grass. "One more," He whispered. She wondered why he bothered to tell her until the walker stepped past the barn doors. A short, frail, pasty little girl stumbled over the fallen bodies. Everyone's breath hitched as Y/N's heart dropped to the ground. Without taking her eyes off of the zombified Sophia, she reached and took the rifle out of Bucky's hands.

Daryl caught Carol as she cried out. Rick stepped forward, a look of sadness washing over his and everyone else's face. Y/N diminished all emotion from her mind and face as she aimed the rifle at Sophia's head, ready to shoot if Rick wasn't able to finish the job. Her stare settled on Rick as she held her stance, watching him raise his python. Unlike Rick's shaky hands, her actions were steady, unwavering.

The pistol made a small click after he pulled the trigger, out of ammo. Before Rick could realize he was out, Y/N pulled her trigger. The shot went straight through the side of the little girl's head and she went limp, falling to the ground in a heap.

-

Y/N adjusted her grip on the tree branch and pulled her body up, counting under her breath. After the events at the barn only a couple hours before, Y/N busied herself with moving hers and Bucky's tent farther from the group. It was now positioned next to a group of trees which gave the two a bit more privacy. Y/N wouldn't admit it aloud, but she was beginning to feel crowded being so close to the others. She decided one of the trees was perfect for doing pull ups, so that was what she was doing. Bucky disappeared inside the tent an hour or two ago, and hadn't come out yet so she didn't bother him.

Y/N switched so that she was hanging upside down on the branch. Rick was approaching her from the distance so she tried to do as many sit ups as she could before he reached her.

"Y/N, do you have a second?"

"What's up?" Y/N reached and latched onto the branch, swinging her legs back down. She landed gracefully and looked at Rick.

"Beth went into some kind of catatonic shock and we can't find Hershel anywhere," Rick placed his hands on his hips, examining the new location of her tent. "Glenn and I are heading out into town to see if he went to the bar."

"Okay," Y/N drew out, encouraging Rick to keep talking. She wiped the sweat off of her forehead from her intensive workout.

"Can I ask you to keep an eye on Lori and Carl for me? Lori doesn't like the idea of me going out there, and I know you can keep her safe if anything happens."

Y/N nodded. "Of course, Rick."

He placed a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it appreciatively. "Thank you," He paused. "For having my back. For everything."

Y/N smiled grimly, watching as he walked off. Taking a deep breath, she turned to the tent. "Coming in, Buck. Don't be naked."

Bucky was sitting cross legged on his sleeping bag with a notebook and pen in his hand. Y/N had seen it before but she was completely clueless as to what he wrote in it. His writing stopped when Y/N stepped in, watching as she didn't bat an eye at what he could have been writing as she crouched in front of her backpack. "Don't let me interrupt you, dude." Y/N pulled out a t-shirt and shorts so she could change out of her sweaty outfit. She didn't care enough so she changed right there. "I'll be up at the house if you need me."

-

Just like Rick had asked, Y/N kept Lori in the back of her mind for the rest of the night. She helped out Patricia, Maggie, and Lori with making dinner and trying to get Beth out of the dazed state she was in. The day dragged on and people began to feel a bit more anxious when the small run into town to retrieve Hershel stretched out into the entire day. When Lori decided enough was enough and hopped in the car to go find Rick herself, Y/N had hopped in the passenger seat.

"Y/N, I've got to go find Rick. He said he'd be back by now."

Y/N nodded, stretching her legs out the best she could. "And Rick told me to keep you safe. If I can't stop you from leaving, then I'm choosing the next best thing."

Lori took a deep breath, pulling the car out of park. The sun was gradually getting lower, casting a warm orange glow across the sky. Y/N grumbled a small "Oh, shit," as pictures and coupons fluttered onto the floor of the car when she pulled down the sun visor.

"I've gotta ask," Y/N shifted in her seat, resting her head back against the headrest. She closed her eyes as she felt the sun warm her skin. "Is there a specific reason why Rick asked me to keep an eye on you?"

Lori sighed, glancing at Y/N before putting her eyes back on the road. "I'm pregnant."

Y/N's eyes shot open and she turned her head to look at Lori. "You are?"

Lori nodded. "Oh, okay. Well shit, I thought I was going to be able to half ass this job now I've actually got to make sure you don't get hurt."

Stifling a laugh, Lori shook her head. "You don't need to worry about me, really, Y/N. Rick only asked you to do that because he's overwhelmed."

Y/N rested her head and closed her eyes again. "I'm still going to do it because I am a nice person."

The two women rode in silence after that. Y/N didn't know what else to say to the mother; congratulations? With how the world was turning out, Y/N herself wouldn't consider pregnancy her top priority to be happy about. Saying sorry would just be plain insensitive. Instead of digging herself deeper in a hole, she stayed silent and mentally prepared herself for what festivities were going down in town. She hadn't been there before so she didn't know the layout of the streets. There wasn't much she had on herself weapon-wise, just a pocket knife in her boot and a pistol tucked into her waistband, so if there were unfriendlies holding Rick and the others back she'd have to be a bit more creative in how she went around and did things.

Y/N's eyes snapped open just in time to hear Lori gasp and to see a walker slam into the windshield. The car swerved to the right, going off of the road. Everything happened in a fast blur as the car smashed against the ditch, the last thing Y/N heard was Lori's scream and the sound of crunching metal before her head slammed against the passenger side window, knocking her unconscious.

An ear piercing gunshot brought Y/N back to the living. Her mind was filled with a confused, foggy daze as she tried to apprehend where she was. A groan fell past her lips as she shifted, noticing how her arms hung freely. She remembered she was still wearing her seat belt, and that was what must have been holding her up. Trying to blink the darkness away from her eyesight, her hands fumbled and tried to find where the seat belt was clipped in. She called out Lori's name, suddenly aware of where she was and what happened.

With shaky fingers finding the button, she dropped without warning and her side slammed against the driver side window. Y/N groaned, pain erupting through her arm and head. Her eyes found a dead walker with it's face halfway through the cracked windshield with a turn signal switch jammed through its eye socket. Once the pain subsided enough for Y/N to focus and gain her bearings, she grasped at the car's seats and pulled herself to her feet. She needed to find Lori, she needed to know if she was alright.

Y/N's hands gripped the car door above her and placed one of her feet on the steering wheel, pushing herself up. A small whimper came out of her throat as Y/N strained to pull herself up and out of the car. Her whole body ached in pain but it didn't compare to the throbbing in her head.

"Lori?" Y/N pulled herself into a sitting position on top of the side-turned car, swinging her legs over the side with a grimace. 

"I'm here, Y/N," Lori came from the back of the car, still trying to catch her breath.

Y/N slid down and scowled once her feet hit the gravel. "What the hell happened?" Looking around herself, Y/N saw that the sky was pitch black. She had to have been unconscious for at least an hour at the minimum.

"I was looking down at the map, I didn't see the walker until I hit it. I lost traction and the car flipped," Lori raised her hands to Y/N's cheeks, inspecting her face the best she could with the lack of light. "You're bleeding. God, I'm so sorry, Honey. I should've—,"

"Hey, let's leave the should've could've would've's in the past, okay. It wasn't your fault," Y/N smiled. "We should head back now, though."

Lori sighed, dropping her hands. "I've got to keep going. I need to make sure my husband's alright."

Y/N nodded, trying to shake the fogginess out of her mind. "I think I've got a concussion, but sure. We can't be too far from the town, right?"

Y/N made sure she still had her two weapons and then began walking down the dark road. They fogginess in her mind only got worse the more she tried to focus and keep herself alert. Anything could have popped out from the trees or the side of the road and Y/N wouldn't have seen it coming in the first place because of how dark it was.

Clearly Y/N was focusing too much on trying to focus that she didn't hear the car drive up behind the two women until her shadow casted in front of her from the headlights. The only thing she wanted to do was curl up and sleep; to just give in to her eyes begging her to close them and let them rest.

"Are you alright?" Shane asked, climbing out of the driver's side. Y/N noticed that he directly asked Lori, not even glancing at her as he rushed straight to the mother.

"I'm fine,"

"No, you're not fine. I saw the wreck," He reached to grab Lori's hands, which she deflected. Pulling a flashlight from his back pocket, he gently grabbed Lori's face and shined the light into her eyes. Y/N started to feel invisible as Shane purely focused on Lori. Not that she was complaining, she was starting to get a bad vibe from him ever since she saw how he acted at the swamp.

Shane sighed, putting the flashlight away. "What happened?"

"Looked down at the map, hit a walker."

"Next time stay put, you won't need a map. Come on, we've got to get you back,"

Lori attempted to pull her wrist from Shane's grasp as he tugged her towards the car. "No, we've got to find Rick."

"He's back. They're all back. They're all safe and sound."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, thank God," Lori breathed, stepping towards the car. Y/N stayed put, not believing the word that came out of Shane's mouth. She had to go into town to be 100% sure that Rick had made it back to the farm safely, but she didn't want to babysit Lori just in case the town wasn't safe anymore. If Rick had brought back Hershel in time for Shane to know about Lori leaving, then why wasn't he the one to go get retrieve her instead of Shane? It all seemed fishy to Y/N. Just as Lori opened the passenger door, she noticed Y/N's stilled body, still in the spot Shane found them in. "Y/N?"

Y/N's mouth opens, trying to articulate a well enough lie in her hazy mind. "A shot of tequila sounds appealing right about now. I'm just going to keep walking ... to the bar."

"No, Honey, we are not having a repeat of what happened to Daryl. Just come back with us and if you're still persistent then someone will go with you tomorrow, when it's light out."

Y/N nodded her head slowly, looking at her surroundings. "I'll ... I'll be fine, Lori."

The former spy turned on her heel and walked as fast as her head would allow her, which was unknowingly not that fast. She ignored when Lori called out her name, disappearing into the patch of trees on the side of the road. She needed to get into town as fast as possible, and in order to do that without Shane and Lori hounding her to get back to the farm, she had to take the cover of the trees until morning came.


	7. Chapter 7

It was late in the morning after when Rick, Hershel, Glenn and their new guest pulled into the driveway of the farm. Bucky was idling around the RV with the others as they awaited everyone's return. Shane and Daryl were setting up one of the cars for a rescue mission, which Bucky accepted the request of tagging along. After Rick shut off the vehicle, the first people he went to was Carl and Lori, giving them a tight hug.

"Patricia, prep the shed for surgery," Hershel sighed, walking towards the house. Bucky's gaze shot to inside the truck, seeing a blindfolded unfamiliar face. Y/N wasn't in the truck.

"Are you hurt?" Lori asked, pulling away from her husband to inspect his face. 

"No, but what happened to you?" The latter gently grasped her cheek, his thumb hovering over the cut on her cheekbone.

"I was in a car accident."

"Accident? How?"

"Y/N and I went looking for you."

"Snuck out on her own," Shane muttered behind the couple, sticking his thumbs in his pockets. "Brought her back."

"Where is she, Rick? Y/N said she was going to the bar, you didn't see her?" Lori asked upon not seeing her friend in the truck.

"The—the town's overrun by now," Glenn acknowledged. "We didn't see her by the time we got out."

"She can't be out there on her own," Lori gaped, her jaw slack. "She said she got a concussion from the crash, that'd she'd be back before sunrise. I just assumed you ran into her on the way back."

"Why'd you let her leave in the first place then?" Bucky butted in, his irritation for the former spy growing every second.

"I told her not to, that we should wait until daybreak and that someone could go with her but she disappeared into the forest before we could convince her."

Bucky internally groaned, taking a deep breath. Disregarding the stranger in the backseat of the truck, he turned on his heel and made his way to the car they were prepping for the rescue mission. He shoved the last remaining shotgun far enough in the back of the car so he would be able to close the hatch. "Tell me something, what did you say to her before she left? Was it the whole lie about Rick and them being back?"

Shane nodded, not replying verbally. Bucky cursed under his breath, slamming the hatch shut. "I'm gonna go find her, see if she's dead yet."

"Wait, Bucky, what does that mean?" Lori rushed to Bucky's side, grabbing his flesh arm.

He deflected her grasp, ripping his arm away and putting space from her. He didn't mean for it to be taken in offense, he just wasn't comfortable with strangers like them touching him. "You honestly think Y/N's going to believe a petty little lie like that? She went into town with no backup because she knew you were lying. Considering you didn't see her, either she's trapped, or she's trapped and dying."

Without another word, Bucky slid into the driver's side of the car and started the engine. His eyes traveled over all of the buttons and technology, trying to figure out how to drive it. Since it was over seventy years since he had last driven, he had to take a second to get used to the mechanics. Realizing he didn't exactly know which direction the town was in, he sighed and rolled down the window. Rick was already walking towards the car with a map in his hands.

"Turn left out of the driveway, then a right at the next intersection," Rick pointed at a road on the map, seemingly knowing Bucky hadn't been to the town yet.

Bucky had to stop the car on the edge of town. Walkers were roaming the street, searching for the location of the gunshots that happened only a couple hours earlier. Sneaking past them wasn't a problem for Bucky, though, and he found the bar in a matter of minutes. He took his pistol out of it's holster, holding it out in front of him in case anything popped out. He entered the bar from the back, seeing as there were one too many walkers pressing up against the front doors for him to get through.

Y/N was nowhere to be found on the first level, only two dead guys by the bar. After searching through their pockets for anything useful and finding a shotgun and a box of bullets behind the counter, Bucky located a set of stairs leading to the upper level of the building. A layer of pale green paint was peeling off of the walls from years of neglect, the railing was ripped off of the wall in the narrow staircase and a layer of dust coated everything, all but one pair of footprints. Bucky had to assume they were Y/N's. Considering the pattern and occasional hand print, Y/N had a hard time getting up the stairs. The door at the top of the stairs was wide open, a small bullet hole imprinted where the lock was. It was a rather small apartment, the front door opened into the living room, on the left was a doorway to the kitchen and Bucky could assume the bathroom was branched off there as well, as there were only two doors to the right, a closet and the bedroom. The sliding glass door to a small patio was parallel to the front door on the other side of the room, giving plenty of light to the apartment.

Bucky tried for the bedroom first after listening for any walkers. The sheets on the bed were crumpled and the curtains were drawn shut, but there were no signs of Y/N. He checked the small walk-in closet and behind the door just in case. With his gun still drawn, he exited the bedroom and advanced towards the kitchen. The room was empty, but Bucky made a mental note to check for any perishables in the cupboards after he finds Y/N. The first door he opened was a pantry, half filled with cans and dry goods. The second door opened to the bathroom, which lo and behold, had Y/N sitting in the bathtub with her legs hanging out of the side. Her eyes were drooped, clearly exhausted, as she looked up at Bucky.

"Eleven hours," She slurred quietly, tapping the watch on her wrist. "It took eleven hours for you to finally feel sorry enough for me to come find me."

"Are you alright?" Bucky pocketed his gun in its holster, immediately noticing the various bottles of alcohol cluttered around the tub.

"Couldn't be better," Grinning, she adjusted her position in the tub, crossing her legs and sitting up straighter. Her head tilted back until it rested on the cold, yellowed tiles on the wall.

"You're drunk?"

She shrugged, her eyes following Bucky as he moved to sit on the closed lid on the toilet. "Came for the men, stayed for the booze—and because of the incapability of walking straight for more than ten feet."

Bucky disregarded her answer, standing and searching the cabinets for any medical supplies. With the only washcloth in the bathroom and a bottle of water he had in his backpack he always carried around outside of the farm, he sat on the edge of the tub with his feet inside beside Y/N. "Come here," Bucky guided her face closer with his hand under her chin. He dabbed at the slightly dried blood on the side of her face, working gently around the cut on her forehead after she flinched and hissed through the pain. "You gotta stop doing this, getting drunk and going off on your own."

After all of the blood was washed away from her face and neck, Bucky pulled a small flashlight from his backpack and flicked it on, pointing it at her eyes. Y/N groaned and pushed his hands away, squeezing her eyes shut and turning her head away from him. "It's bright, Buck," She protested.

"Only for a second, okay? I just gotta check your eyes,"

"It hurts."

"What, you turn into a baby when you're drunk?"

Y/N sighed and opened her eyes, trying her best not to squint as Bucky checked her pupils. "We should get you back to Hershel. How much did you drink?"

Y/N's delayed response only made Bucky more concerned. He patiently waited as she looked down in thought, her brows creasing in concentration. "Two bottles," She shakily got on her knees, pressing a hand to the edge of the tub to stabilize herself as she pointed at two bottles of whiskey. "Those ones, I think. I'm pretty sure I didn't touch those ones," She gestured at the other bottles, which were both half empty. "But with the ... serum I have, I think the ... equiva—equivalency is, like, six normal glasses for a normal ... human."

Y/N squinted and looked at Bucky to see if he understood.

Bucky sat silently for a few moments, examining her face. "We should get back to the farm, you look exhausted."

He stood up and offered a hand to Y/N, helping her stand up and step out of the tub. Besides her legs feeling like jello, she made it to the kitchen before the dizziness took over and Bucky had to help her to a stool at the dining table. "We gotta find Hershel before we leave, Bucky," Y/N mumbled, resting her head on her folded arms as Bucky stuffed as many cans as he could into his backpack.

"Rick and Glenn found him last night, they're back at the farm now. Everyone's back except for you,"

"That's right. I saw them, before they left."

"Rick said he didn't see you at all last night?"

"He didn't, he drove off with a kid screaming his head off before I could reach them."

"Do you know what happened to the kid? For him to be screaming like that?"

"Nope," Y/N lifted her head. "Something to do with his leg. Probably got bit or something. I feel like Rick would be the kind of guy to help a hopeless victim like that."

Bucky found a blue milk crate basket in the corner of the room so he filled that as well. He checked to make sure the rest of the cabinets were empty before he nodded to the door. "You able to walk on your own?"

"Yes, Bucky," She sighed, sliding off of the stool. She only swayed a little bit before walking normally as Bucky led the way down the stairs. He reminded her that she had to be quiet, and that there were walkers everywhere before leading her out the backdoor with the basket in his hands. They made it to the car only a bit slower than Bucky was comfortable with, sneaking in the shadows of the buildings with only two walkers in their way that Bucky took down. Y/N only stumbled over her own feet a couple of times. Bucky helped Y/N into the car and made sure her seat belt was clicked in before he jogged around and got in the drivers spot. As he drove, he made sure to periodically check Y/N. Reaching behind her seat, he rifled through his backpack while checking the road until he found something she might like. Her eyes were closed and her head was resting against the headrest so he tapped her arm with the can in his hand. "Hey, wake up. Don't fall asleep on me just yet."

Y/N groaned, lifting her head. To her, it felt a thousand times heavier than it was supposed to feel. "Why?"

"You should eat," He handed her the can of sliced peaches, silently thanking whoever invented pull tab cans. She took it and opened it in silence, being weirdly compliant. Bucky supposed it was only because of the fatigue. Feeling accomplished that he got her to eat without resistance, he was able to put his whole focus back on the road.

As silence took over the drive, Bucky couldn't help but wonder why Y/N was drinking in the first place. He didn't know her well enough to know her motives or what caused her to feel the need to get drunk in the first place. Maybe the thought of not finding Sophia in time was affecting her more than she let people know.

Bucky glanced over at Y/N after the second time she sniffed, catching her swipe at her cheek in the corner of his eye. "You okay?" He asked, turning his head fully to look at her.

"Couldn't be better," She answered hastily, unable to cover the break in her voice. She busied herself with fishing another peach slice out of the can with her index finger and thumb, not wanting to meet Bucky's eyes.

"Y/N, look at me," She refused to lift her head so Bucky pressed on the breaks, putting the car into park. He hooked his fingers under her jaw and turned her face towards him, seeing her tear filled eyes. "What's wrong?"

Y/N merely shook her head, turning to face the car door. "Don't look at me, please."

"Doll," Bucky was at a loss for words, unsure of what to do in that situation as she turned her whole body away from him. Even in the forties he wasn't smooth with crying girls. He'd always stutter something along the lines of a flirty "Please don't cry, I'd rather see that beautiful smile of yours," but he knew that kind of thing wouldn't help Y/N at the moment. "Is this because of Sophia?"

"No," Y/N choked out, wiping furiously at the tears streaming down her face. "Just leave it alone, okay? I don't know why I'm crying. It won't stop."

Bucky didn't want to leave it alone. He wanted to know what was bothering her but he knew she was just like him: if she didn't want to talk about it then she wasn't going to under any circumstances. Bucky sighed, his eyes studying the steering wheel as he considered his options. "Just ... just let me know if I can help in any way, okay?" He kept his voice soft, scared he'll make her cry even harder. He caught a glimpse of a small nod from Y/N and took it as a sign to keep driving. Bucky cursed himself for being so awkward; it wasn't often that Y/N showed her true feelings and now that it was happening, he had no idea what to say or do to help her feel better.

It took a couple minutes for Y/N's tears to tone down to a occasional sniffle. She had turned so she was facing the front, her legs crossed underneath herself. The empty can of peaches was placed in one of the cup holders which rattled every time Bucky hit a bump in the road. He kept his eyes on the road for the rest of the drive, upset with himself that he couldn't help Y/N. T-Dog and Lori were the first two to meet the vehicle as it pulled past the gate and into it's parking space. After the ignition was turned off and the keys were out Bucky dared to sneak a glance at Y/N.

Her eyes were closed and her breaths were even and slow, giving the indication that she was falling asleep. A small sigh escaped Bucky's nose and he exited, rounding the car to her side. He opened the door placed his hand on her knee, shaking her gently. She mumbled incoherently in response, a small frown etching her face as she peeked one eye open at Bucky.

"You can sleep in the tent, Doll. Come on," He smiled, feeling bad that he kept on waking her up. The idea of sleeping probably felt heavenly to her by now.

"In a minute," Exhaling, Y/N unfolded her legs and rubbed her eyes. Bucky waited a few moments before deciding that she wasn't going to take action any time soon. He shifted her legs so they were hanging out the door and grabbed her hands. He turned around, pulling her arms over his shoulders until her chest was flush with his back and then wrapped his hands around the underside of her thighs. Bucky's actions elicited a defiant grumble but she complied and allowed Bucky to carry her on his back nonetheless.

"Is she alright? What happened to her?" Lori asked in a haste manner, falling into step with Bucky.

"Just drunk, is all," Bucky wasted no time in trying to get Y/N to the tent. He knew if he was in the state Y/N was, he wouldn't want to be forced to converse with slightly dramatic people. "If you see Hershel anywhere, can you ask him to check Y/N's concussion?"

"Of course, yeah, I'll look for him right now. Oh, and Bucky? Rick wants all of us in the house in a couple minutes to talk."

As Y/N pressed her cheek against the middle of Bucky's shoulder blades, half asleep, she deduced that the combination of the soft fabric of Bucky's shirt and the heat radiating from his skin underneath felt beautiful against her face. The movement of his steps lulled Y/N deeper into sleep, the ache in her skull soon forgotten. At that moment, like an intrusive thought, Y/N guessed that maybe that was just what she needed; it had been months since Y/N had any proper human contact. After the events between Steve and Tony, she busied herself with working to cope with the fact that her team, her family, was split and the best years of her life were put to a stop. The attack on Vision in Wakanda added another weight to Y/N's shoulders, encouraging herself to keep everything bottled in. She never found the time to sort things out in her mind, and now it was backfiring on her after the events of finding a dead Sophia in the barn. Y/N couldn't help but accept that by feeling her body embraced against Bucky's, even in such a platonic way, helped ease her evergoing racing thoughts. The sounds of his even breaths and heartbeat as she pressed her ear against his back brought all of her thoughts down into one tiny box, focusing on one detail: her and Bucky in that moment, nothing else mattered.

It was odd to Y/N how Bucky's contact affected her at that moment. She felt more awake, more aware of her surroundings, like his warmth was rekindling the fire inside of her that made her feel alive, but it also calmed her at the same time. Half of her wanted to stay awake so she could keep feeling whatever she was feeling, but the other half was gradually being soothed to sleep by the strong sense of security. The polarity of the two confused her deeply, but she didn't speak to Bucky about it as he ducked inside the tent and she slid off of his back. She lazily dug around until she was laying down in her sleeping bag, her half-closed eyes gazing up at Bucky. She expected him to leave immediately, saying something about how she needed her rest, but he sat down beside her, offering a soft smile. It was a smile only Y/N saw a couple of times; it was genuine, not forced, as his eyes displayed as much gentleness as his smile did.

"I know you don't want to talk about it, but I gotta remind you that we're a team, okay? I'm here whenever you need me, you don't have to do whatever crazy weird thing you do to cope, by yourself if you don't want to,"

Y/N nodded, thinking back to that one single intrusive thought. Now would be the time to request it. Her fingers fumbled mindlessly with the sleeping bags hem as she considered the consequences of the request.

"I'm fine now, Bucky. Just wanna sleep," Y/N made herself comfortable, snuggling further into the blankets. Bucky stood up and stepped out of the tent, glancing one last time at Y/N.

"I'll be at the house, then,"

It was too risky. Bucky didn't like to be touched unless he initiates it, and if Y/N requests that he holds her for awhile, he'll feel obliged to do it even if it made him uncomfortable because he keeps his word. He said he'd do anything but she'd feel bad for making him feel uneasy so she said nothing. She let him leave the tent even though it was the last thing she wanted. Plus, she didn't want him to think she was leading him on, or wanted to initiate something more intimate than cuddling.

Instead, Y/N turned on her side and pictured those few nights where Bucky would press his back against hers in his sleep. She imagined the pressure, the warmth radiating from both of them and soon enough it was enough to lull her into a dreamless sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Maggie's and Beth's echoed throughout the entire house as they argued. Beth had finally pulled herself out of the frozen daze earlier that morning while Y/N was still asleep but it wasn't long until she attempted to sneak a knife from the breakfast Lori brought up to her. Y/N was sat at the kitchen island on a stool with Andrea and Lori, her face resting in her palms as she leaned her elbows against the counter. She sipped her water through the straw, hoping the pain medication Hershel had given her would kick in soon. He had ordered her to stay in bed and rest but after hearing Beth was showing signs of being suicidal, Y/N had to help out any way she could and needed to stay updated.

"This could've been handled better," Andrea shook her head, gazing down at the floor. 

Reaching for a slice of cucumber on the cutting board beside her, Lori popped it into her mouth. "How so?"

"You shouldn't have taken the knife away,"

"Excuse me?"

"You were wrong," Andrea shrugged. "Like Dale taking my gun, that wasn't your decision. She has to choose to live on her own. She has to find her own reasons."

"Want me to tie a noose for her?"

"If she's serious, she'll figure out a way,"

Y/N sipped silently as she watched the two women start to bicker. Lori began idly cleaning the kitchen, placing the cut vegetables in the fridge. "Doesn't mean I can't stop her or let her know I care."

"That has nothing to do with it, Lori. She only has so many choices in front of her and she believes the best one is suicide."

"That's not an option,"

"Of course it is. She doesn't need to be yelled at or be treated like a child."

"She needs a loaded gun right?"

"Andrea, Beth is nineteen-years-old, she is a child when it comes to this sort of thing," Y/N cut in, twirling her now empty glass. "You're only on her side because the same exact thing happened to you and you won't let it go. You'll understand if we won't send you to see her, right?"

"I came through it," Andrea scoffed.

"Clearly not enough," Y/N spoke under her breath, standing up and grabbing her cup.

"And became such a productive member of the group," Lori took the glass from Y/N's hands, ordering her to sit down. Y/N complied with a sigh. "Let Maggie handle this her way."

"I contribute, I help keep this place safe," Andrea quipped defensively.

"How, exactly, do you keep this place safe?" Y/N asked after thanking Lori for refilling her water. "By suntanning on the roof of the RV? Everyone on the farm can see a walker coming long before it becomes an actual problem, taking watch isn't that necessary."

"I'm sorry, what would you have me do?"

"Oh, there's plenty of work to go around," Lori shook her head, wiping her hands on a dish towel.

"Are you serious? Everything falls apart and you're in my face over skipping laundry?"

"It puts a burden on the rest of us, on me and Carol and Y/N, Patricia and Maggie. Cooking and cleaning and caring for Beth, and you—you don't care about anyone but yourself."

The voices from upstairs were quieting but now Lori's and Andrea's voices were raising, the subject of matter shifting from Beth to themselves. Y/N pulled herself back out of the argument, realizing there was something else deeper down that the two were bickering about.

"No, I am on watch against walkers. That is what matters, not fresh mint leaves in our lemonade."

"And we are providing stability. We are trying to create a life worth living."

"Are you kidding me?"

"Look, I went after Rick, I took down two walkers—,"

"After crashing Maggie's car. Ever apologize for that?"

"Crashing her—you're insane."

"No, you are. And you're the one that's self-centered, the way you take it all for granted."

"My husband is out there, for the hundredth time. My son was shot. Don't you dare tell me I take this for granted."

The ache in Y/N's skull began to worsen as she continued listening. She considered leaving, taking Hershel's advice on resting her head and not overworking it but she also wanted to hear where this was going. If it weren't for the concussion she would have already figured out why Andrea was acting the way she was.

"You don't get it, do you? Your husband came back from the dead, your son, too. And now you've got a baby on the way. The rest of us have piled up our losses—me, Carol, Beth—but you just keep on keeping on."

"We have all suffered."

"Playing house, acting like the queen bee, laying down rules for everybody but yourself. You know what? Go ahead. Go in there and tell that little girl that everything's going to be okay, just like it is for you. She'll get a husband, a son, a baby ... a boyfriend. She just has to look on the bright side." Andrea scoffed, giving Y/N one last glare before storming off with a roll of her eyes. Y/N sighed, resting her forehead against the cool oak counter. The group was beginning to to fall into shambles. The group was at each other's throats, unable to agree on the same thing for more than twenty minutes and Y/N was growing tired of it. She wanted one day where she could relax and not hear the drama. Lori left the kitchen, mumbling something about checking in on Carol. Rick and Shane were driving a kid out eighteen miles to fend for himself, a kid that Y/N only learned the full details about after she woke up the morning after, long after Rick and Shane already left. She thought the idea of letting him go was a stupid and dangerous idea but what else were they supposed to do with him?

Y/N wasn't sure when she closed her eyes or when she even felt tired, but the refreshing temperature of the counter seeping into her cheek assisted in her dozing off. She didn't realize how much sleep she was beginning to lose during the nights. There were so many things going on, too many things on her mind for her to properly rest. Come to think of it, Y/N didn't think Bucky was getting much sleep either. They never went to bed at the same time and Bucky was always awake before she woke up.

Y/N snapped awake the second she heard the screen door open and two pairs of footsteps walk towards the kitchen. She frowned as Maggie and Bucky walked through the doorway, a basket of food in Bucky's hands. "What are you doing?" She asked as she grasped the empty glass she knocked over when she sat up.

"Oh, Bucky was just helping me get some cans from the cellar," Maggie trailed off as Y/N stood to her feet. Her face was scrunched, trying to piece together what just happened. "The door can get stuck sometimes—."

"You were up with Beth, though?"

"Andrea came up, told me she'd watch her,"

"Goddamnit," Y/N uttered, storming up the stairs. "Andrea believes Beth killing herself is the best choice."

Maggie rushed past Y/N at the top of the stairs as a wave of nausea hit her hard. Reaching out for something to stabilize herself, her head began to feel like it was being hit by thousands of tiny jackhammers. Her hand found Bucky's arm as he placed his other on her back. A string of jumbled curse words fell past Y/N's lips as she palmed her left eye, the sound of Maggie pounding on a door and calling for her sister not helping at all.

"Are you alright?" Bucky asked, guiding Y/N away from the staircase so she didn't fall down them.

"I fucking hate this," As she released her grip on Bucky's arm, she met Lori in the hallway and they both entered Beth's bedroom. The older Greene was slamming her fist against the bathroom door, jiggling the locked doorknob.

"Maggie?"

"She's in there, I heard glass," Maggie continued to knock on the door. "Open up, please. Don't do this, Beth. Don't do this! God, I left her with Andrea."

"Where's the key?"

"I don't know," Maggie left the door, rifling through items on top of a dresser. "Beth, honey, please open the door. I'm not mad, Beth. I'm not mad."

"Maggie, watch out," Y/N stood in front of the bathroom door, glancing at the lock. Once Lori and Maggie were out of the way, Y/N slammed her foot against the door. It didn't budge the first time so she used as much force as she could muster for the second kick. The door swung open and Maggie rushed in, immediately consoling the sobbing teenager. Blood was dripping down from her wrist, staining the white bath mat below her feet.

The momentum of leaning back to kick the door suddenly backfired on Y/N as another wave of dizziness and nausea washed over her from pushing her body too fast and too hard. It took her a second to realize that she had lost her balance and was falling backwards but the impact didn't come as harsh as she had expected it to. Bucky was kneeling down beside her, one hand clamped around her arm and the other reaching across her torso and holding her waist. She hated how delayed her reactions were and how hard she had to think to realize Bucky had caught her and helped her to the floor softly. She offered him a tight smile and accepted his hand to help pull her to her feet, not so subtly deflecting his question of if she was okay.

She didn't mention how Bucky kept his hand wrapped around her waist as she looked to the bed where the two sisters were, Lori nowhere to be found. "Is she going to be alright?"

"It doesn't look deep. Lori's gone to find my dad," Maggie replied through her tears, pressing a towel against Beth's wrist. Her eyes rose to inspect Y/N's pale expression. "You look like you're about to pass out, should go sit down and rest."

"Do you need help with anything?"

Maggie shook her head and cleared her throat. "No, it's okay, Y/N. Everything's under control now."

"Come on. Can you make it down the stairs?" Bucky led her out of the bedroom, his grip on her waist tightening to remind her that he was there in case she got dizzy. He was patient with helping her down the stairs, letting her go down at her own pace as she gripped onto his hand. She sat down on the couch in the living room, her head tilted back and resting as she closed her eyes. Bucky disappeared into the kitchen and came back with a wet cloth and a glass of orange juice. He sat down beside her, holding out the two items. "Here, drink up."

Y/N huffed out a small laugh, moving so she was sitting cross-legged. "I've been drinking things all morning Buck, I'll pee myself if I drink anything else." She accepted the cold cloth, urging Bucky to set the cup down on the coffee table. She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her legs as she pressed the wet dishcloth against her face. "I hate not being on top of my game."

"You'll get better soon as long as you don't push yourself,"

"I haven't been,"

"You rushing up those stairs and dramatically kicking the door down was totally pushing yourself,"

"And yet I'd do it again in an instant," Y/N rolled her eyes.

The two sat in silence for several moments. Hershel's low voice could be heard as he rushed up the stairs with Lori. Y/N finally gave in and reached for the juice, sipping it momentarily. Bucky leaned back into the couch, taking a deep breath. "What did you mean when you said Andrea wanted Beth to kill herself?"

"Earlier this morning, in the kitchen, Andrea said Lori was wrong for taking the knife away and telling Maggie about Beth's behavior. I don't know how in the hell someone can have a mindset like that," Y/N sighed, shaking her head.

"Maybe it's a retaliation for when Dale forced her out of the CDC before it blew? Jesus, she's just a kid."

"Right, I forgot about that. It's just a whole temper tantrum that she's throwing." As she rested her face in her hands she took another sip of the juice. "What is this group turning into, Buck? It's like everyone is a bunch of whiny babies."

Bucky nodded. "I've been noticing that, too."

As if her body was working on it's own, Y/N abruptly sat the glass down and shifted so she was lying down with her head in Bucky's lap. She froze, her cheeks heating. "Is this okay?"

"Yeah—yeah, of course," Bucky swallowed, caught off guard from Y/N's sudden movements. He watched as she visibly relaxed, shifting until her body was comfortable. She fell asleep in a matter of minutes as all of the tension in her body dissipated. Bucky thought of Y/N as an enigma. One minute she was this hard, know-it-all filled with sarcastic remarks and distaste for any human emotion but with a quick snap of the fingers she's this soft, insecure badass who is just, just letting her vulnerability peek through the cracks when the two of them are alone. She didn't talk much about her origins or her experiences at the Red Room but obviously she was raised to believe her emotions weren't valid and shouldn't be accepted.

Bucky's left arm was stretched and placed on the top of the sofa's back as there was nowhere else to place his hand besides on top of Y/N's shoulder or arm, which he feared would wake her or make her uncomfortable. He stared idly at the coffee table, unsure of how long Y/N would sleep for. He didn't mind sitting still and doing nothing, though, as long as it meant Y/N was getting the rest she needed to heal.

Bucky heard Hershel's footsteps long before he came down the stairs and through the living room. He came to a halt once he noticed Bucky and Y/N. His eyes inspected Y/N's sleeping form as Bucky stared back at him, uncertain if he should say something. Hershel continued wiping his hands on the towel, nodding to himself. "I'll get you a book. Gonna be there for awhile," Hershel murmured quiet enough as to not wake Y/N. Bucky's eyes followed Hershel as he left the room, coming back five minutes later with a small blanket and a book.

He thanked the older man quietly, helping drape the blanket over Y/N. The book helped Bucky relax and distracted him from the fact that his 'teammate-who-is-more-than-just-a-teammate-now' is currently sprawled over his lap, looking very cute and very peaceful. He was able to stretch out his legs and shift his body so he wasn't sitting up as straight without waking Y/N, so he considered that a win. His heart only stopped twice when Y/N shifted in her sleep, turning so she was facing him instead of the room. The book wasn't usually the genre he would reach for, but it was interesting nonetheless. It was about a boy who went to live with his aunt and uncle, who then discovered small cupboards leading to different fantasy worlds behind the wall in the room he was staying in.

Just as the sun was setting, Y/N finally began stirring from her sleep. She kept her eyes closed, remembering the events leading up to before she fell asleep. On Bucky's lap. She heard the occasional, familiar sound of a page turning and wondered when Bucky got a book, or a blanket for that matter. She didn't remember any time during her sleep when he got up to get the two items or when he started carding his fingers through her hair, but she wasn't complaining. The way they intermittently slid and gingerly twisted themselves around her tendrils shot shivers up her spine.

Although she didn't want to, the kink in her back made her sigh and sit up. She rubbed her eyes, feeling as if there were dirt behind her eyelids. "God, it's like I'm becoming narcoleptic or something."

"With the hours you keep adding on, you might as well be in a coma, too," Bucky smirked, lifting his eyes from the inked pages. A small twinge of anxiety set in his stomach as he anticipated her comment about playing with her hair. He was hyping himself up for the witty remark or the accusation, but it never came. Either she was disregarding it for his sake or she just didn't mind/care that it happened. He didn't realize he was doing it until minutes before she woke up. It was like muscle memory, something he did subconsciously.

Y/N yawned and reached for the half empty glass of juice. "Any word about Beth?"

"Yep," Bucky nodded, resting the book on his legs. "The cut wasn't deep at all, only needed a couple of stitches. Maggie got her to eat something, finally, and it seems she already regrets what she did."

"That's good," Y/N nodded. "It's late."

"Yeah, you slept the whole day away. Seems like you needed it."

"And you sat here with me the whole time?" Y/N began to feel bad as Bucky nodded, not removing his eyes from his book. "God, Buck, you didn't have to do that. I wouldn't have minded if you left and—,"

"I wanted to. You looked so peaceful, and Hershel actually has some pretty good books."

Y/N sighed. The pad of her thumb circled the rim of the glass as she looked down at it shyly. Clearing her throat, she stood up and stretched her arms over her head. "I'm gonna head to bed, see if I can add a couple more hours to my coma until my sleep schedule goes back to normal." She folded the blanket and draped it over the couch's arm, stepping to place the glass cup in to the kitchen sink. Turning the faucet knob until she got enough pressure to wash the cup, she didn't fail to notice Bucky trailing after her. "Oh, and by the way, letting a gal fall asleep on the couch like that? Super uncool. The kink I have in my back is outrageous."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I think I know a way of helping that, though,"

Y/N hummed, setting the glass on the drying rack. "And how so?" Y/N turned on her heels, sharply inhaling at the sudden close proximity of the two. One more step and their chests would be touching. Y/N regained her composure and looked directly into Bucky's eyes, noticing the devious hint in his ocean blue orbs. The corner of his lip twitched upwards, letting Y/N know he wasn't going to take this serious, but her heart couldn't help but to skip a beat the second his hands found her hips.

"I was told that a certain position really stretches your back out, gets rid of any aches or pains you could think of,"

"Mhm?" Y/N was too distracted at the staticky feeling in her sides as Bucky tightened his grip for a split second. Before she could react, Bucky bent at the waist and lifted Y/N over his shoulder. Y/N yelped in surprise, clamping her hand over her mouth. The fast movement made her slightly dizzy, but the feeling of Bucky's arm wrapped around her thighs made her forget about the concussion.

Bucky chuckled and retrieved the book from the living room before leaving the house and walking down the porch steps. "So, is it working?"

"Not exactly, but this angle makes your ass look great," Y/N laughed, letting her arms hang and sway to his steps.

"So does yours," He countered, giving her ass a quick smack. She yelped again, struggling against his grip momentarily before giving up. Just like the night before, Bucky waited until he was inside the tent to let Y/N down. He sat on top of his sleeping bag, waiting for Y/N to finish changing into something more comfortable and snuggling under her own covers. "Here, lay on your stomach, I'll rub your back for ya'."

"Feeling extra generous today or what?" Y/N looked at him suspiciously, a grin tugging at her lips. Bucky merely shrugged, his fingers playing with a piece of thread he found. "As long as you get some sleep, too, okay? You can't keep running on fumes."

He nodded his head, eyes trailing over her face. "Okay. You've got a deal."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Panic attack.

Y/N opened the door to the shed, the small building where the kid, Randall, was being held. Rick and Shane came back late the night before, their endeavor to set the kid free was unsuccessful. She could hear his stammering voice and whimpers as Daryl interrogating him long before she even reached the tool shed.

Daryl stopped what he was doing, looking over his shoulder to see who was at the door. "Hey, don't let me interrupt. Just thought I'd like to see the kid before Rick decided what to do with him. Continue on."

As the kid whimpered, trying to recover from the torture he was just endured, clearly evident from the blood and bruising on his face, Daryl seemed hesitant to keep interrogating. It was as if he was shy to let Y/N watch what he was doing to the poor kid. With a huff, he turned back to the beaten form leaning against the wall. "Keep talkin'."

Randall didn't respond, too busy taking in Y/N's form to consider what he was getting himself into. Y/N had closed the door, leaning her weight against the wall behind her as she crossed her arms. Daryl unsheathed his hunting knife, slamming the point down near Randall's injured leg. Randall flinched, letting out a short yelp. "Okay! Okay! I thought I had a better chance with them. Not just guys, a whole group of 'em. Men and women, kids, too, just like you people. But, we go out, scavenge, just the men. One night, we found this little campsite, a man and his two daughters—teenagers, you know? Real young. Real cute," Randall sighed, glancing back and forth at Y/N and Daryl. "Their daddy had to watch while these guys, they ... and they didn't even kill him afterwards. They just made him watch as his daughters ... they just—just left 'em there. No, but—but I didn't touch those girls, I swear! I didn't tou—,"

Randall cried out in pain as Daryl kicked his injured leg. After a couple unrelenting punches to the face, Daryl remembered he wasn't alone in the shed. He took a step back, gauging Y/N's reaction to his behavior. Her face was void of any emotion as she stared Randall down. Her eyes flickered and met Daryl's, her eyebrows raising for a split second. "What else have you got?"

"Over thirty men, heavy artillery."

Y/N nodded thoughtfully. She pushed herself off of the wall, stepping towards the two men. "May I?"

Daryl bobbed his head, moving to sit on top of the small table situated in the corner of the shed. Y/N gripped the collar of Randall's shirt, tugging him to his feet. She guided him to the wooden chair a couple feet from his original spot, noticing his hands were handcuffed behind his back. "Do you have the key for the cuffs?" She asked Daryl, inspecting the cuffs as Randall groaned about the pain in his leg.

"Rick has it,"

"Typical," Y/N murmured. If there was one thing she learned over the years, it was that carrying a bobby pin would save your life more than once. There was always one in her hair, whether it was visible or not depended on her outfit and occasion. After finding the pin in her hair, she motioned to Randall to show her his hands.

"You're seriously going to risk that?" Daryl asked, scoffing as he watched Y/N pick the locks.

"What's he going to do, slap me?" Y/N stood up straight, discarding the open cuffs somewhere on the floor. "Have some faith."

"I—I know you," Randall stammered as Y/N pulled another chair over, placing it in front of him. She sat down, her eyebrows raised curiously.

"Oh, yeah?"

Randall nodded, swallowing thickly. "My mom took my brother and I to Australia, back in 2009. We were caught in the middle when those guys came shooting up the street, threatening to blow the whole island up. Then—then you guys came, you and S.H.I.E.L.D. No one knew what they wanted, but you were the one who stayed behind and helped calm my brother down when we were held hostage in that office building."

Y/N inspected Randall's bruised face, her mind going back to the attack in Melbourne. She went against Nick Fury's orders that day, earning her the worst discipline she had received from Fury since she joined S.H.I.E.L.D. She was ordered to sift through the building, find any straggling HYDRA agents but she chose to protect the citizens locked inside an office. She remembered the little boy who was crying his face off, and his mother and older brother, Randall. Albeit, her rash decision was the reason why all of those people survived the attack. Y/N hummed, nodding her head. "Have you read my files?"

Randall shook his head violently. Y/N's intense gaze didn't falter as she shifted on her chair, leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees. "I don't mind if you did. They were put on the internet for a reason, don't you think?"

The files she was referring to were almost an exact duplicate of Natasha Romanoff's. Everything she did, every person she assassinated, every undercover mission she took, every alias, every action she took long before S.H.I.E.L.D. took her in. She didn't have a choice on whether her identities were exposed to every single person on the Earth, but it's been long enough for her not to care what other people thought of her.

"My brother became obsessed with you," Randall sighed, looking down sheepishly. "He considered you a hero after you saved our lives. And when he found out you were an Avenger he insisted I help him learn everything he could about you. My—my opinion of you never changed after I read it, though. I still thought of you as the generous hero my brother looked up to."

"You can quit with the flattery, Randall," Y/N smiled, tilting her head. "It's good that you read them. You're aware of what I'm capable of, and what happens when you get on my bad side. I hate to break it to you, kid, but you're getting pretty close to crossing that line. Now, I promise nothing will happen to you as long as you answer all of the questions I have."

"I've already told him everything I know," He tilted his head back, a whine escaping his throat. "You've got to believe me, I'm innocent."

"How long have you been with this group for?"

"Not long, a couple of weeks, maybe? I don't know. I found them a couple days after I lost my mom and brother,"

"Did they trust you easily? Let you tag along in those scavenges soon after you joined them?" Y/N kept her voice soft and inviting, giving him plenty of time to respond. She didn't move from her spot, or threaten to hurt him if he didn't say what she wanted to hear. She'd give him a chance to prove himself before taking it to the next level and forcing them out of him. It was probably refreshing to him, hearing her kind voice after being harassed and beaten by Daryl merely minutes ago.

"They said they'd like all the help they could get, liked how I knew my way around a gun already. I didn't know that they did the things they did until we actually came across another group."

"The man and his two daughters? Or were there others?"

"More. We never stayed in one place for more than one night, covered a lot of ground that way."

"What exactly did they do to those people?"

Randall delayed his response, upset over the fact he was betraying his group like that. "Robbed 'em, mostly. If there were women, the guys would offer for them to join our group but if they refused ... they'd attack them. Force 'em to do ..."

"Sexual acts?"

Randall nodded, a guilty look on his face. His eyes were lowered to the wooden plank flooring, unable to meet Y/N's strong gaze.

"Did you participate?"

Y/N waited patiently, counting the seconds in her head. After thirty seconds passed, she asked again in a firmer tone but still received no verbal reply. He only shook his head, his jaw tightening. In the blink of an eye, Y/N's calm and soft demeanor vanished as she unsheathed her own hunting knife that was holstered against her thigh, flipping Randall off of the chair so he was lying face down on the floor with his arm outstretched. One of Y/N's feet were placed between Randall's shoulder blades, her other planted firmly on his right wrist. While crouched, she shifted all of her weight onto her right foot and his wrist, ignoring his grunts and whines of pain. Her left foot moved to Randall's head, pressing the side of his face against the wood so he would watch.

"Answer the question or you lose a finger," Y/N slammed the point of the blade millimeters away from Randall's pinky. She situated the blade between his pinky and ring finger, one sharp movement away from cutting it off completely.

"I didn't! God, please you've got to believe me. I didn't help them!"

"So you just watched, then?" Y/N raised her voice enough so he could hear her over his screams. Y/N's eyes flickered to Daryl's after momentarily forgetting he was there with them. She didn't shy away or hesitate. She didn't care what Daryl thought of her.

"Yes! Please, please! I only stayed with them because I know I'm not strong enough to make it out there alone! I was desperate after watching my brother and my mom get torn apart by those things! The group was nice to me, brought me in without questions—," Randall was interrupted when an agonized scream cut past his lips as Y/N slammed the knife down, cutting straight through the bone. She shifted her weight onto her left foot as he struggled and cried underneath her, holding him down effectively.

"You've got nine more fingers and ten more toes, Buddy. You better start telling the truth,"

"I didn't touch them, I swear! I only held them down or kept watch against lamebrains!" Randall heaved, pleading for mercy. Feeling accomplished, Y/N fetched the cuffs with one foot still pressed against Randall's back. She cuffed his hands behind his back, disregarding his hand with one less finger as she pulled him into an upright position, letting him rest against the wall.

Dragging the two chairs away from the whimpering hostage, Y/N sauntered to the door and glanced over her shoulder. "Thank you for your cooperation."

Daryl trailed after her once he locked the shed door with a padlock. "What the hell was that?"

"That was me getting the answers I wanted," Y/N replied nonchalantly, walking in the direction of the group.

"Who are you, really?" Daryl seized Y/N's arm, looking at her with such intenseness. Y/N slapped his hand away, glaring at him.

"Former agent Y/N Y/L/N of S.H.I.E.L.D., Avenger, charmer, ice cream enthusiast. Before that? World's greatest Russian spy and assassin, more commonly known as the Nightingale who worked alongside Black Widow her entire life. I've been credited to over three-hundred assassinations and somehow worked myself out of imprisonment after my entire identity was released to the public when S.H.I.E.L.D. collapsed. I'm not afraid of this group knowing who I actually am, and I could care less what you think of me. Do what you want with that information, I'm gonna go tell Rick what we just learned about Randall's group."

Y/N began to walk again, not quite caring if Daryl followed or not.

"Hey," Daryl called out, finally choosing to catch up to her. He adjusted his grip on the crossbow slung over his shoulder. "Ya got a bit of finger juice, right there."

"Ew, please don't ever refer to blood as finger juice ever again," Y/N chuckled, swiping at her face where Daryl gestured to.

Once they were at the camp, Y/N situated herself next to Maggie. Everyone turned to Daryl, anticipating the news of Randall's fate. Y/N gratefully took a mug of tea that Lori handed her, instantly warming her fingers. The nights were getting colder and it was evident by the brisk wind that pushed past the group. "Boy there's got a gang, thirty men. They got heavy artillery and they ain't looking to make friends. They roll through here, our boys are dead. And our women, they're gonna wish they were."

"What did you do?" Carol asked, mentioning Daryl's bloody knuckles.

He shot a glance to Y/N, her actions replaying in his mind. Y/N met his gaze openly and unguarded. "Had a little chat." Y/N took note of that. He didn't mention what she told him or how she relentlessly cut off one of Randall's finger for one tiny answer.

"No one goes near this guy," Rick warned.

Lori stepped up to her husband, taking his hand in hers. "Rick, what are you going to do?"

"We have no choice. He's a threat. We have to eliminate the threat."

"You're just going to kill him?" Dale asked incredulously.

"It's settled. I'll do it today."

-

The only sounds Y/N could hear was the bugs outside awakening for the night and the ragged breaths of Randall as he slept soundlessly. If it weren't for the creak of the loft's floorboards, she wouldn't have known Bucky had entered the shed until he made himself present.

"It's time. Rick wants all of us at the house," Bucky spoke low enough to not wake the prisoner sleeping below. As the sun was setting, the shed grew darker by the minute and the orange sun peeked through the open spaces of the door.

Y/N sighed, slipping down from the shadows in the rafters. She landed on her feet soundlessly beside Bucky, casting a glance at Randall. She didn't mention how Bucky just knew she was keeping watch, or how she's been avoiding Dale like the plague that day. "I'm not going."

"Why not?"

"I've already made up my mind. Hearing Dale's sob story is just going to make my head hurt even more."

"I get that, I do. But as much as you hate to admit it, you're one of the important members of the group now. Rick looks at you with respect, he wants to hear your opinion. Humor me, just for tonight," Bucky nudged her with his elbow. "After that, you can go back to being the closed off, mysterious gal you like to think you are."

Y/N sneered in disgust, walking to the window where the ladder leading to the ground was. "I hate it when you analyze me like that." Once the both of them were on the ground, Y/N crossed her arms deviously. "I never agreed to walking in compliance, though."

"What do you want me to do? Get you a golden chariot with a buffet inside?" Bucky asked sarcastically.

"Mm, Bucky, I get all tingly when you refer to yourself as a golden chariot,"

The super-soldier rolled his eyes, turning his back to Y/N. "Hurry up and get on before I change my mind."

The rest of the group was waiting in the living room by the time Bucky and Y/N made it to the house. The atmosphere was quiet and tense, everyone seeming anxious to conclude whether or not Randall lives.

"So, how do we do this? Just take a vote?"

"Does it have to be unanimous?"

"How about majority rules?"

"Well, let's just see where everybody stands then we can talk through the options," Rick rested his weight onto the sofa Bucky and Y/N were seated on.

"The way I see it, there's only one way to move forward." Shane spoke.

"Killing him, right?" Dale interjected. "I mean, why even bother to take a vote? It's clear which way the wind's blowing."

"Well, if people believe we should spare him, I want to know."

Y/N leaned into the couch, already bored with the conversation. If she hadn't listened to Steve's orders, and hadn't gotten on that jet, she wouldn't have to exhaust herself with people she barely knew. She wouldn't be worried about another security threat. She wouldn't be in the dark whether her friends are dead or not. Aliens would be her biggest problem, not flesh-eating monsters or the question being will another group of thirty men coming crashing through the doors demanding retribution for their dead members. Natasha and Steve were the two most important people in Y/N's life, so why was she contradicting herself listening to Bucky's reasoning rather than parading to New York herself so she could reconnect with her friends.

"This is a young man's life and it worth more than a five minute conversation. Is this what it's come to? We kill someone because we can't decide what else to do with him? You saved him and now look at us. He's been tortured. He's gonna be executed. How are we any better than those people we are so afraid of?"

"We all know what needs to be done," Shane said.

"No, Dale is right. We can't leave any stone unturned here. We have a responsibility—,"

"So what's the other solution?" Andrea interrupted, waving her hand.

"Let Rick finish," Lori chided.

"We haven't come up with a single viable option yet. I wish we could,"

"So let's work on it!"

"Stop it," Carol spoke, catching the attention of the whole group. "Just stop it. I'm sick of everybody arguing and fighting. I didn't ask for this. You can't ask us to decide something like this. Please, decide ... either of you, both of you, but leave me out."

"Not speaking out," Dale pointed at Carol. "Or killing him yourself, there's no difference."

"Alright, that's enough. Anybody who wants the floor before we make a final decision has the chance."

The room fell silent. Everyone was either waiting for someone else to speak or felt too guilty to speak up. Dale waited a few moments before turning back to Rick. "You once said that we don't kill the living."

"That was before the living tried to kill us."

"But don't you see? If we do this, the people that we were, the world that we knew is dead! And this new world is ugly. It's ... harsh. It—It's survival of the fittest! That's a world I don't want to live in. I don't believe that any of you do. I can't. Please, let's just do what's right. Isn't there anybody else who's going to stand with me?"

"Y/N, you seem awfully lost in thought. Want to share what's on your mind?" Shane asked, studying the girl sitting across the room from him.

The aforementioned inhaled deeply, snapping out of her train of thought when she heard her name. Looking around and seeing everybody's eyes on her, she faintly shrugged. "Wasn't focusing on right now, that's for sure. The kid's a threat, not only on you guys but to me too. If I'm compromised because of him, I won't ever get back to my friends and I won't ever know if they're dead or not. I see no other way."

"Are you that cold-hearted that you can't even consider that you're taking a young man's life? He is a real life human being with feelings and relationships, and yet the only thing you care about is yourself," Andrea scoffed, crossing her arms.

"Yes, I suppose I am that cold-hearted. All of my cards are on the table, I don't care whether he lives or not. It's not the first time I've had to sacrifice a kid's life for the well being of me and my friends—not that I consider any of you people my friends. I'm not afraid to do it again and, hell, Rick if you need a volunteer to shoot the gun then I'm all hands on deck." Y/N rubbed her left eye, exasperated at the situation. "His group already thinks he's dead, why not finish the deed?"

"Because he is just a kid! If he was one of the friends you speak so highly of instead of a stranger then would you feel different?" Dale argued.

"First of all, yes, I would if need be. Second of all, he is not a stranger to me. I met him a couple years back on a mission in Australia. Thirdly, how dare you try to spin that back on me so I feel guilty. Like, I get where you're coming from, Dale. I really do. The world is changing, and people need to adapt or else they won't survive. Maybe it's because the world changed for me years before the dead came back to eat people, maybe it's my expertise that is making it so that I don't understand why you're fighting back so much against this new world. It's kill or be killed now. Do you really want to wait for that group to come crashing in for people to die or do you want to spare one measly little life to prevent that?"

Dale shook his head, tears brimming his eyes. "Are y'all gonna watch, too? No, you'll go hide your heads in your tents and try to forget that we're slaughtering a human being. Whoa. I won't be a party to it." He began to leave the room, stopping near Daryl. He put a hand on the archer's shoulder, clearing his throat. "This group is broken."

-

"How do you feel about all of this?" Y/N asked Bucky after slipping her shirt over her head. She had just come back from the barn, where the execution was supposed to take place. Consequently, Carl had snuck away from his mother to watch the ordeal, causing Rick to cave in and order Daryl to send Randall back to the shed.

Bucky was sitting, writing in his journal like he always did right before bed. He took a deep breath, setting his pen down. "I'd rather not have any unnecessary death, but we can't risk having him alive."

The soft orange glow from the battery-powered lantern illuminated their tent as Y/N changed her jeans for comfortable sweatpants with a tank top. She was disappointed but not surprised that Rick folded like a cheap deck of cards, unable to fulfill the task and pull the trigger.

Just as she was about to slip off her boots for the night, a deep, agonizing scream erupted from somewhere on the farm. Bucky stood up, closing his journal. "What the hell was that?"

"Something bad, clearly," Y/N picked her pistols from their place beside her backpack and exited the tent, immediately noticing the lights from flashlights heading towards the edge of the farm. She ran as fast as she could, silently thanking Bucky for letting her hold onto his arm for stabilization.

They arrived to what the rest of the group was circled around in no time, hearing the groans and cries of their reactions. There was Dale, laying there with his torso torn open. He gurgled and choked in pain, grasping the grass beside him. Rick called out for Hershel. Y/N's grip on Bucky tightened momentarily as she saw the walker that caused all of that only a couple feet away. "Shit."

"Can we move him?"

"He won't make the trip,"

Y/N's attention diverted from Dale to Bucky as he tugged himself from her grasp. He turned and stumbled away, only making it a couple feet before he fell to his knees. "Bucky, are you okay?"

She backstepped far enough so she was face to face with Bucky. Kneeling down to his height, she could distinguish the fear in his eyes as he stared down at the grass. "Hey," Y/N tried with a softer voice. His chest began to heave, his breaths coming out jagged and shaky. "Hey, hey, hey, it's okay. Let's go somewhere else, yeah?"

Through his absent state, Bucky was able to nod his head and take Y/N's hand once she offered it to him. She led him back up to their tent, only glancing back at Dale once. Making sure his back was facing the direction the others were, she encouraged him to sit down in the grass beside the tent. His left hand was clutching his chest, his shirt balling up in his palm. His flesh hand was anchored to Y/N's hand, both of their knuckles turning white from the pressure.

"I—I can't—Jesus, I—,"

"Yes, you can, Bucky," She sat on her knees between his outstretched legs, gauging how much contact he would allow her without panicking even more. "You can do this. You can breathe. This is going to pass soon."

The sight of the pure panic on Bucky's face nearly broke her heart. She wasn't all that experienced with panic attacks so she didn't know what was the wrong thing to say or how to help him. His shoulders were trembling as his breath continued to quicken.

"You're safe, okay? I won't let anything happen to you. We're a team, remember? If I can do anything to help, tell me, okay?"

"Just—just stay. Don't leave me,"

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise. You can do this, just try to control your breathing. Just copy me, can you do that?" Y/N inhaled deeply and held it for four beats, smiling slightly when Bucky took a deep breath as well. She spent the next few moments talking him through his panic attack, reassuring him and helping him find something to focus on other than the attack. They both flinched at the sound of a gunshot.

The two sat there for a little less than an hour, the only movement between them was when Y/N shifted from her knees onto her butt, one leg draped over his leg as the other leg bent between the both of them.

"I'm sorry," Bucky muttered, his head drooped. He had calmed down quite a bit, his breaths finally evened and his shoulders stopped trembling. A sheet of sweat coated his skin, giving him the occasional chill from the cold night air.

"You don't have to apologize,"

"You shouldn't have had to see that. You didn't have to stay if you didn't want to,"

"Who said I didn't want to?" Y/N sighed at the lack of response. "This is a dumb question, but was it seeing Dale like that that triggered it or do you know if it was spontaneous?"

"There was this man, this big business guy—owned some big company. HYDRA ordered me to do a stealth attack, to eliminate him by all means necessary. He fought back, fought for his life," Bucky shook his head, unable to lift his head and meet Y/N's eyes. "Ended up slicing straight down his torso with a broken glass bottle. I just watched as he bled out, his guts sitting by his feet. I didn't do anything, didn't end his suffering, didn't attack him even more. I just watched."

"Seeing Dale reminded you of that?"

Bucky nodded. "When I was in Romania, I remembered him. I did some research, found out who he actually was. He had a clean track record, wrote some novels, but most of all his company was contributing to foundations helping homeless people unable to get back on their feet."

"That wasn't your fault, Bucky. You didn't know."

"I still did it, though. How many people suffered because I—,"

"Stop that, Bucky. If you start with the 'what ifs' and blaming yourself, you'll never get out of that hole. What you did all those years was not your fault. HYDRA was the one who put those thoughts in your head so don't you dare think that way," Y/N squeezed Bucky's hand. After a few minutes of silence, she spoke up again. "You should get some sleep."

Y/N helped him to his feet after he agreed. She made no move to enter the tent. She opened her mouth, hesitating. "I'm gonna go check in with Rick,"

Bucky took a sharp inhale, reaching out for Y/N's hand in a hurry. "Stay, please?"

She took a moment to respond as she studied his unguarded expression. His eyebrows were set with worry and he held her hand tightly. "Okay, I'll stay,"


	10. Chapter 10

All her life, it amazed Y/N the lengths some people would go just to get their way. She never understood it. Hence as she sat upon the rafters of the shed, only nineteen hours after Dale's death, she made no sound or movement as Shane entered with an ominous attitude. Her breaths slowed as she watched, curious as to what Shane's motivation was. Randall was blindfolded and a long stripe of tape was stuck over his mouth, rendering him completely vulnerable and weak. 

Shane circled the small table, grabbing a stool and setting it down in front of Randall silently. The prisoner flinched at the sudden noise, but he made no movement as his muscles froze. No words were exchanged. He just sat there, staring at the boy with his jaw slack. Minutes passed without any movement from Shane, Y/N or Randall. Y/N waited impatiently, not daring to reveal to the two men that she was in there with them.

As if a switch had flicked inside Shane's mind, he slapped his head, once, twice, three times before standing and pointing his gun at Randall's head. She wasn't planning on stopping Shane, the consequences to his actions were his problem, and she had been the first people to suggest killing Randall in the first place, so she had no real reason to stop Shane at that second besides honoring Dale's death like Rick had said. Puzzled, Y/N watched as Shane hesitated, checked Randall's cuffs, and then holstered his gun. Shane's movements were rough as he pulled Randall to his feet and unlocked his cuffs with a key he pulled from his pocket. Once the two men exited the shed, Y/N twisted her body so she could climb down from where she was perched. She intended to follow them to see what piss-poor story Shane would come up with like the one he mustered when he killed Otis. However, as she set her foot on a lower wood beam, her body acted against her and her head became lightheaded due to the concussion. A curse stumbled past her lips as she lost her balance and her foot slipped from the beam.

Her head smacked against another support beam as she fell from the rafters, the impact was hard enough for her to lose consciousness. Her upper body landed on the edge of the loft, but she wasn't responsive enough to catch herself before she fell to the ground level in a heap. A pained groan escaped her throat right before she allowed herself to slip into the darkness.

-

A sharp, prodding sensation in Y/N's left upper arm brought her back to consciousness. She was lying on her back, on something much more cushiony than what she passed out on in the first place. A cold cloth was pressed to her forehead and muffled voices could be heard somewhere else in the house. Once she mustered enough strength to open her eyes and face the bright lights, she saw that she was lying down on the bed in Hershel's bedroom with said man sitting beside her. He was dabbing at a scratch on her arm with a small cloth. Groaning in pain, Y/N struggled as she pushed herself up into a sitting position. Bucky was sitting against the windowsill with his arms crossed.

"Jesus and Santa in the same room? This must be my lucky day," Y/N uttered, inspecting the shallow cut as Hershel finished cleaning the dirt away. She must have gotten it when she fell from the rafters.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that, just this time. How's your head?" Hershel asked, standing up.

"Feels like it's imploding on itself, but what else is new?"

Hershel pulled a small light from his pocket, motioning for Y/N to let him check her pupils. "What happened?"

Y/N blinked at Bucky once Hershel was finished. Her mind felt a little foggy and she wasn't quite sure what happened or what her mind was making up. "I was in the rafters, watching the kid?"

"And?" Bucky paced from the window, fetching a water bottle from the bedside table. Hershel mumbled something about giving them privacy and checking in on his girls. "I'm having a hard time believing a scrawny kid like that got the jump on you."

Bucky tossed the bottle of water in her lap after she refused to take it. Her brows furrow as she tried to piece together everything. "He didn't? Shane came in and took him. I went to follow them but I lost my balance and hit my head on one of the beams," Y/N rubbed her eyes, hating how gritty they felt. "What happened when I was out?"

"Shane came out of the woods the same time we figured out Randall was missing. He said the kid slipped out somehow, clocked him in the face with a rock. Rick, Shane, Daryl and Glenn are out there looking for him right now."

"No, no, I watched him. He unlocked the cuffs and took Randall himself. What is going on?"

"I'm not sure, I'm sure they'll be back soon, anyways,"

Y/N followed Bucky's suggestion to stay in the house with the others. She had managed to down the bowl of soup Patricia offered to her after some time. Her head ached the same amount like when she first go the concussion. She was disappointed; it felt like she had taken ten steps back on the scale of how healed she was, and she was so ready to be at the top of her game again.

It was starting to dawn on her that Shane wasn't just going to kill Randall tonight. He had other plans that surely included Rick as well. Why else would he create this big dramatic search other than to be able to get Rick away from the others to kill him and possibly plant the blame on Randall?

She managed to guilt Maggie into letting her take a nap in her bedroom upstairs. The door was locked, the light was turned off, and the window was left open as Y/N snuck through it. Sneaking out a second story window was nothing for her, it was getting past Bucky that had her a bit hesitant. She knew he knew she wasn't feeling one-hundred percent, and that he'd annoy her with trying to get her to rest, so she went behind his back. Finding Rick before it's too late was another problem residing in her mind. She didn't know what direction they went or where Shane wanted to kill him. It was too dark to pick up any tracks and her mind was too foggy for that anyways.

Y/N's whole body froze as she spotted a form standing a couple meters away from her, the cowboy hat a clear giveaway that it was Carl. She straightened her back, crossing her arms over her chest. They were still right beside the house, anyone could see them if they looked outside one of the windows. "Where do you think you're going?"

Carl hesitated, trying to come up with a good enough excuse. He looked like a deer caught in headlights. "My dad and the others should be back now. They're not. I'm going to look for them."

She studied the small boy, the moonlight casting small shadows on his face. She knew lying to him, telling him that his dad would be alright and that they would be back soon would not work. He wasn't going to take no for an answer, and he knew the adults wouldn't listen to his reasoning. That's why he wants to do everything himself. Y/N respected him for that. "Alright, hurry up before someone sees us and kicks my ass. Where were you going to look?"

"I saw something over that way in my binoculars. It looked like my dad and Shane but they're just standing there," Carl's eyes brightened, pointing off to the treeline. Y/N nodded her head, gesturing for Carl to follow her. It was too dark to see anything that far, so she trusted Carl's motives and jogged beside him.

After deflecting the few questions Carl had about her well-being, they made it to the location Carl mentioned in no time. There was a form hunched over something another body laying n the grass and Y/N's mind jumped to the worst possible outcome. It didn't take her long to realize it was Rick on top, and that Shane was dead.

"Dad?" Carl asked, fear lacing through his voice. He was crying, Y/N could hear his shaky breaths from her spot beside him as she inspected the scene in front of them.

"Carl," Rick stood up, wavering slightly. "You know, you should be back at the house with mom."

Y/N silently watched as Carl hastily raised his gun. It took her a moment, but once the puzzle pieces clicked, her hand found Carl's shoulder as she tugged him to the right a couple steps. "Remember what I told you when we were practicing, Carl. Shoulders relaxed, lock your target." She kept her voice low, her eyes trained on Rick in case he bolted and got in the way of the line of fire. Carl was a child, yes, but Y/N needed to know he could hit the target in a stressful situation like they were placed.

Rick raised his hand in a submissive way, silently pleading. Y/N realized he didn't know Shane's reanimated corpse was crawling to its feet and advancing towards him with a snarl. She didn't have time to tell him or else it would distract Carl. "Carl, it's not what it seems. Please,"

The trigger was pulled and the shot rang out. Shane's body fell to the ground in a heap. Y/N smiled and squeezed Carl's shoulder proudly. "Nice shot, kid."

She stood in her place and studied Shane's body as Carl and Rick hugged. The stab wound to the heart was apparent, but she didn't see any obvious bite marks that could have been the reason why he turned.

"We should get back to the house," Y/N stated while examining Rick.

As they were walking back, Carl was asking questions to his father on how Shane died. Rick was avoiding them, giving him vague answers. Y/N knew Rick killed him, whether it was out of self defense or because he was tired of Shane pushing him around, she didn't care.

As Rick knelt down to answer Carl's question, Y/N's eyes found the ever growing number of walkers nearing them. "Rick," Y/N hissed, pointing at the herd.

"Oh, my God. Go, go, go, go, go!"

Y/N unsheathed the hunting knife along with one of her pistols. The three of them bolted to a nearby tree. "We got to get to the house, tell the others," Carl stammered nervously, looking to his dad for guidance.

"We'd never get through that. Can't go around," Rick panted, looking for a strategy. "The barn. Carl, stay close. Go!"

Y/N guarded the rear with Carl effectively in between her and Rick as Rick guided them towards the barn. She took down two walkers that were getting a bit too close for her comfort with little effort. Closing the two large barn doors behind her, she got out of the way as Rick shoved the stick of a rake through the handles.

"We can make this a beacon, draw them away from the house," Y/N suggested, checking how much ammunition she had. "It'll at least give the others a chance."

"We've got two jugs of fuel," Rick spoke, eyeing the doors as they creaked under the pressure of the walkers.

"Gotta make it worth it,"

Rick grabbed Carl's shoulders as Y/N picked up one of the jerry cans. She wasted no time opening the cap and pouring it on the hay covered ground. Rick nudged Carl towards a ladder, grabbing the other jerry can. "Alright, hurry. Oh shit, okay. Up there, go, Carl! Y/N, go with him."

"What about you?"

"I'll be right there," Rick handed the boy a lighter. "Drop it when I say. Hey, hey, hey, look at me. You can do this. Carl ... I love you."

"You got this?" Y/N asked, grasping Rick's elbow. He nodded, encouraging her to climb the ladder. Tensions were obviously high, but Y/N felt like it was her responsibility to open those barn doors, not Rick's.

Rick yelled and slammed his fists on the door in attempt to get as much attention as he could before releasing the rake and swinging the doors wide open. Y/N stood near Carl, gazing anxiously from the hay loft. The flames were harsh and unrelenting once Rick was far enough up the ladder. They lapped at anything they could latch on to, the smell of burning, rotting, flesh rising into Y/N's senses almost immediately. The walkers made no reaction as they caught fire. The heat warmed Y/N's face as she watched the walkers snarl and grasp the air in hopes of eating the three live beings in the hay loft.

The line of vehicles and multiple rounds of gunfire resonated louder than the growling coming from the barn, catching Y/N's attention immediately. She helped Carl jump down onto the overhang as Jimmy rolled up to the side of the barn in the RV. The whole farm was getting overrun by walkers. There was no way Y/N and the others were going to win this fight.

Blood splattered from the inside of the RV once Rick, Carl and Y/N make it down the RV's ladder. "We can circle the farm from the woods, come on." Y/N motioned, shooting the nearest walkers. She pushed away the throbbing pain in her head, too focused on making sure no walkers snuck up on Rick and Carl as she led the way, dodging past trees and shrubs. While trying to use her knife more than her gun, she only got caught in one close call with a walker that Rick took down with his pistol. Her eyes scanned the bodies roaming the ground once they emerged from the woods. No more vehicles were driving around, Y/N assumed they all decided to evacuate the farm earlier. She spotted Hershel and Bucky firing their respective guns a few feet away from the house, but no one else could be seen.

Rick shot at a walker advancing towards Hershel from behind, the sound catching the attention of both Hershel and Bucky. Y/N hurried to Bucky as Rick grilled Hershel about his wife. "Why the hell did you think sneaking away was a good idea?" Bucky barked before firing off a couple more rounds.

"Something didn't feel right," She shrugged, a small grin tugging at her lips. She bit back a joke, knowing it wasn't the right time.

"We have to go, find mom and the others," Rick pulled at Hershel's arm.

"It's my farm!"

"Not anymore! Come on!"

Y/N's tracks stopped once she realized Bucky wasn't following. "Bucky?"

"Get off the farm, Y/N,"

"You are not staying on your own!"

"Go before you pass out! I'll handle this," He paused his firing to look at Y/N, a stressed and hard look in his eyes. Y/N fired a couple of rounds, ignoring the calls from Rick.

"I'm not glass! Can you stop being ignorant for one goddamn second and get in the truck?"

Bucky sharply exhaled, storming into Y/N's personal space. His bionic hand clamped around her arm as he pulled her towards the red truck. She fought back, knowing too well that he was dead set on not leaving the farm. She dragged her feet in the dirt, trying with all of her might to fight back against Bucky's inhuman strength. Protests and curses fell past her lips and on to deaf ears as Bucky wrenched open the back door of the truck and attempted to shove the struggling assassin in. He managed to get the door closed with Y/N inside, his arm holding it shut as she tried to push it open. Her fist began slamming on the window as Bucky called to Rick to start driving.

"Buck, don't do this! No!" She pleaded, becoming desperate for her partner to listen to her. The window smashed just as Rick stomped on the throttle. Every insult and reasoning caught in her throat as she watched Bucky's form become smaller and smaller, the sound of every single bullet being fired from his gun resonated through her body until the truck was too far to hear them over the rushing of the wind.

Once they were on the highway Y/N finally sat down properly and faced forward, her gaze never leaving her lap. She didn't reply when Rick apologized for leaving or when Carl tried to talk to her. All she could think about was that Bucky was alone with numbered bullets on a farm overtaken by dead people. That fucking idiot.


	11. Chapter 11

As the sun rose, Y/N kept to herself on the top of an abandoned truck. She was too angry to converse with Hershel or Rick; too angry at herself, mostly, and too angry at Bucky. She should have fought back more, reasoned with him more, anticipate that he was going to do something like shove her in a truck without listening to her pleads. She was angry with Rick for leaving Bucky like that. The farm being overrun was a new experience, so how was Y/N, or anyone for that matter, to know what the odds of surviving were if someone like Bucky were to fight back? How likely were he to not slip up and get caught off guard? What if he made the wrong decision and got backed up into a corner? She just had to trust Bucky knew what he was doing completely.

She could hear Hershel try to convince Rick into getting Carl somewhere safe. While working her grip on the assault rifle Bucky had somehow slipped in the truck whilst manhandling her in, her eyes scanned over everything she could see in the distance. The vehicle's metal creaked slightly under her weight as she spun on her feet, doing a whole 360 degrees. Rick was so sure that the others were smart enough to regroup back at the traffic snarl they first ran into before the farm. 

It didn't take long for the sound of Daryl's motorcycle to reach Y/N's trained ears. The green Hyundai and blue pickup truck soon trailed after, swerving to pass the abandoned cars. Lori ran to Rick and Carl, the Greene's reunited with a group hug, Daryl greeted Rick with a firm hand clasp, but just as Y/N expected, Bucky was nowhere to be seen.

"Where'd you find everyone?" Rick asked Daryl, giving his wife a kiss on the cheek.

"Well, this guy's' tail lights zigzagging all over the road, figured he had to be Asian, driving like that."

Glenn chuckled, nodding his head. "Hah, good one."

"Where's the rest of us?"

"We're the only ones that's made it so far."

"Shane?" Lori asked, standing from her crouched position. Y/N stepped down onto the hood of the truck she was standing on, moving to sit on her haunches. Rick replied to his wife with a shake of his head.

"Andrea?" Glenn questioned.

"She saved me, then I lost her," Carol admitted remorsefully.

T-Dog added while hanging off the pickup's door, "We saw her go down."

While the rest of the group discussed the people they lost, Y/N checked the ammo for her pistol and Bucky's rifle. She nimbly crawled off of the truck as to not cause her head to hurt anymore than it was and approached T-Dog, gesturing to his pistol in his hand. After he handed it to her, she checked the ammo before pocketing it and walking away from the group without a word.

"Where are you going?" Rick called out. Y/N considered continuing walking, just leaving the group without a second thought, but she knew Bucky would disapprove her harshness. The group deserved an explanation.

"I'm going back for Bucky," She replied, turning on her heel to look at Rick. The rifle in her hands felt heavy with every dreaded thought and assumption curdling in her gut. "And, if you ask nicely, I'll keep an eye out for Andrea too."

"No, Y/N. This group isn't being split up again," Rick chided. "They won't be there anyways."

"You can't go back there, you saw how crowded it was," Glenn shifted his weight, a guilty look on his face.

"It's Bucky," Y/N snapped, glowering. "I'm not having this discussion with you."

"We can't just stay here. We have to get somewhere safe, somewhere farther away from the herd—."

"Then go! You honestly think I care? The only thing that kept me from leaving you guys earlier was Bucky so do you really think I genuinely want to put up with all of you without him? The only thing I have learned about any of you is that you are all so childish and I'm sick and tired of it!" Y/N knew she was being unprofessional but she was at her wit's end. She was exhausted. "Pushing Bucky and I around, using us to your advantage, thinking your words have some sort of effect on me, it ends now. I'll do whatever the hell I please, whether you like it or not. Now, with that being said, either you sit down, shut up, and wait for me to get back with Bucky or you get in those vehicles and you go wherever the hell you were planning without me."

She saw Rick sigh with his hands on his hips before turning to Daryl. He mumbled something to the other man that she couldn't hear and Daryl nodded, remounting his motorcycle. The engine turned over and roared to life, Y/N already knowing what Rick requested Daryl to do. As Daryl rolled the motorcycle in Y/N's direction, Rick strode alongside him, fumbling with the watch on his wrist.

"At noon, we start heading north. Try to be back before then," Rick held out the watch to Y/N, nodding his head for her to take it. "Hershel says there's a couple buildings branched off of the highway. If it gets too busy here, we'll probably be holed up somewhere near."

Y/N nodded her head, taking the watch delicately. She slipped it on her wrist, adjusting it so it didn't flop around. She turned to Daryl, waiting for his invitation before climbing on the motorcycle behind him.

Three walkers were caught in the fence near the farm's gate once Daryl and Y/N got there. The sound of the engine caught their, and a couple other's, attention immediately. Y/N took them down with her hunting knife smoothly as Daryl propped his bike up and turned off the ignition. As she waited for Daryl to prep his crossbow, her eyes scanned the farm only less than a mile from where they were.

"We don't have long until the walkers on the road catch up to us," Y/N muttered, beginning the trek down the road on foot. If they went any further on the bike they would create too much attention from the walkers roaming the farm. "We start at the farmhouse then work from there?" 

The two of them surprisingly worked quite well in regards to taking down walkers silently and working their way up to the house with the least amount of attention being drawn to them. They stayed close to areas they could take cover in and stayed low, only making the quietest of communication signals if necessary. All of the windows and doors were intact and latched shut once the two eventually made it to the house so they didn't have to worry about unexpected walkers roaming the halls. The group was in the middle of moving everybody's belongings into the house since the days were getting colder and winter was just around the corner.

"He's not upstairs," Y/N whispered upon checking every room and broom closet on the second floor. While slipping her knife back into its sheath strapped to her thigh, Y/N's eyes traveled over the bags and totes loitering around the living room floor.

"Basement's empty."

"We don't have much time left, but we should check the other buildings just in case."

"Just in case?" He echoed, emptying a duffel bag. He lazily picked through the stuff, finding anything of importance for survival before heading to the kitchen and stocking the bag with anything non-perishable. "Giving up already?"

"He's not on the farm."

"How would you know?"

"Seeing as he had enough time to come in here and take his bag along with mine, odds are he's long gone. I'll head for the stable and what's left of the barn. You, the garden and tool shed. We meet back at the bike," Giving up her on-the-spot sulking, she rushed to the bathroom and grabbed all of the medication and medical supplies that she could hold in her arms before finding Daryl and shoving them in the half full bag. Just as she was about to exit the front door, she stopped abruptly and turned back to Daryl. "Hey—just wait a second."

"What?"

"I wanted to thank you, for coming out here with me. It could've been a suicide mission, so thanks for risking your life for Bucky."

"It don't matter that much."

"It does for me. It's ... nice to know there's more than one single person in this God forsaken country that I can trust my back with. And besides, it feels like we've bonded a little since we both had a similar experience with Rick and leaving someone behind," Y/N chuckled slightly.

"Wait, what do you mean?"

"Rick handcuffed your brother to that roof in Atlanta and left him there. Bucky was telling Rick to drive as he was manhandling me in the truck, and Rick drove off of the farm without Bucky with little to no second thoughts," While shrugging, Y/N worked her grip on the door knob, awkwardly looking to the floor. "I was just thinking about how much of a coincidence on how similar they both were, is all."

The barn and stables were of greater distance from the house unlike where the bike was, so Y/N had a little more difficult time crossing that field. After she ran out of trees to take cover behind, she merely said 'screw it' and booked it through the ankle-length grass, dodging and weaving through the walkers. She gave the burnt down barn a once over while sprinting past it. All that was left was the foundation and a few planks for what looked to be the structure beams. Once she made it to the stables where the horses used to be, her eyesight was darkening around the edges and her head pounded from the lack of oxygen. Nonetheless, she couldn't rest as she had accumulated a quite large train of walkers behind her along with the handful of walkers feasting on the livestock. She took shelter in the rafters until her head calmed down enough for her to search the stalls for the super-soldier and take down the dozen or so walkers beneath her.

No further words were exchanged between the two as they reunited and rode back to the highway. Y/N couldn't help but to gloss over every single question and possible outcome that happened with Bucky. Which direction was he forced to go? Was he being chased by a horde of walkers? How long would it take before he became exhausted? Why exactly did he think staying behind on an overrun farm was a good idea in the first place?

"No signs of them?" Lori asked once the motorcycle's transmission was shut off. The group was still waiting on the highway for them; the only thing different was that there were a few more dead walkers residing on the asphalt than when she left.

"He'll catch up," Y/N promptly replied, not meaning for it to be as harsh as it sounded. "Actually, no, let me rephrase that, we need to catch up to him. So let's go before we lose daylight. Heading east, y'all."

"How do you know where he's going?" Carol asked doubtfully, wrapping her arms around herself.

"I don't," Y/N answered, walking up to T-Dog. She handed him back the pistol she borrowed, muttering a small thanks. While placing the bag Daryl and her retrieved from the farmhouse, she continued on with her explanation. "I never truly know what's going on in that soldier's head, ever. He proved that point last night. He took my bag with him when he fled, so that means he has the motive of finding me again. The only thing he can associate me with as of right now is the direction north-east; New York, more specifically ... our Plan B, if you will.

He knows to calculate the time between when the group left the farm and now, so I would hope he knows not to rush east too fast without considering where we are. We'll take the backroads, the bigger the road, the more likely we'll run into more walkers. So, let's get moving."

-

Y/N stubbornly sat away from the small fire the group set up right before the sun set, choosing to lean her back against the rocky wall of the unfinished foundation the group too shelter in. There was no roof, no doors, only stone walls. Despite the fact that she sat silently, listening to Rick's speech about how he was trying his best to keep the group safe and how if anyone wanted to leave rather than listen to him, Y/N genuinely considered getting up and walking off into the dark woods for good. There was a 50/50 chance she would run into Bucky while staying with the group, but at the moment she was convinced if she went out of her way to find him she would have greater odds actually reuniting with him so they could finally get to New York.

Despite every fiber of her being telling her to leave, her S.H.I.E.L.D./Avengers instincts contradicted her. She stayed the night to protect the people, albeit they were a tad bit ungrateful in her opinion. All she did for the last few years was think about the public before herself, so it was slightly hard to get out of that momentum easily; that is why she caved and agreed to Bucky suggesting they stay with the group before they decide to head to New York.

While the others slept to the best of their abilities in the stressful situation they were placed in, Y/N didn't sleep at all. Some parts of the night she stayed in her shadow against the wall, but closer to the morning she joined T-Dog in standing on top of the foundation's walls to actually keep watch. She and T-Dog weren't the only ones purposefully stay up, though. Rick regularly circled around the foundation, watching his steps so he didn't startle the group.

"Psst," Y/N crouched, calling Rick over once he was in her sight again. Unfastening the watch from her wrist, she waited until he was near to hand it down to him. "Forgot to give this to you earlier, sorry."

Rick thanked her with a tired smile, which she mirrored back to him.

-

Three days passed since the events on the farm. Three days passed since Y/N last saw Bucky. They didn't stop driving unless it was to search for more fuel on foot or to set up a small camp for the night. Once the sun began to rise and people started waking up, Glenn and Maggie left further down the road on foot in hopes of finding fuel for the vehicles. Y/N was squished in the backseat of the truck between the door and Lori once they were finally able to start driving again. They drove for a couple of hours, the ride being mostly silent. There were a few times Lori and Rick had a meaningless conversation, Carl asked how much longer they had to drive multiple times, and Y/N even managed to get some sleep with her head resting in her palm.

It felt like just as she dozed off Lori was already shaking her awake as the truck pulled to a stop. The two vehicles in front of them were stopped as well, doors already being opened as they crawled out. Y/N breathed deeply as she opened her door and hopped out, grabbing Bucky's rifle from it's spot on the floor. She was already working her grip on the firearm, stressed, as her eyes found the reason why the vehicles stopped.

A worn down gas station sat right beside the road. It was small, not very up to date, and the windows were already smashed in. On one of the two gas pumps beside the building, a sign hung from a rope, the faded red letters saying: "SORRY, NO FUEL". Trees leading into a forest lined the road past the ditch on either sides, making Y/N feel a tad bit boxed in. Rick called Glenn and Daryl to follow him inside the gas station as the rest of the group stayed outside.

"How're you doing?" Lori came up to Y/N's side, placing a hand on her shoulder. Y/N subtly brushed her hand off, shifting her weight on her feet. She kept her eyes up, scanning her surroundings just like she had learned from Bucky's habits.

"I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?"

"I'm just checking up on you," Lori stated. Y/N could feel the woman's gaze study her as she looked out into the trees. "You still think we're going to find Bucky?"

"You don't, right?" Y/N frowned, upset at the mention of Bucky. When they first began the journey, she was so convinced that they'd run into him on the side of the road sooner or later. There was no way they couldn't, it was Bucky they were talking about, after all. The Bucky who, after decades of brainwashing and torture, reunited with his best friend. The Bucky who navigated him and Y/N to Atlanta after their plane crashed. The Bucky who, naturally, took the time to find Y/N's backpack in the midst of searching for his. He didn't know what was in that bag; he didn't know the tech or weapons Y/N carried all the way from Wakanda. Why else would he take her bag if he wouldn't be hellbent on finding her again?

As much as she was committed to not losing Bucky, the doubtful thoughts were slowly eating away at her. There were thousands of roads that headed east, how was Y/N to know which one Bucky would travel on. However, Bucky might not be taking the roads at all; he might have decided to stick in the woods, which would make it even harder for her to find him.

"I didn't mean it like that—,"

"Have some faith," Y/N grunted, taking a step away from Lori. She turned to scan the other side of the road, her bad mood growing even more. "I know him better than you do, he'll pop up somewhere."

"I don't wanna upset you," Maggie added, coming closer to the two. "But think about it. This isn't the only road he'd be able to take and it's been days with no signs of him. Maybe we should consider the other options that might have happened to him."

Y/N took a deep breath. She abruptly abandoned her spot on the road, briskly striding towards the gas station. She felt a bit bad for snapping at the group earlier so in order to refrain herself from blowing up again, she decided to check out what why the men were taking so long. After finding a map on one of the few shelves inside the building, Rick decided the distance between where they were and the next location of property was too far to make it before nightfall, so the group all made themselves comfortable on the floor of the mini convenience store.

Y/N situated herself closer to the front doors of the building, a nervous habit she formed over the years during one of her undercover spy missions. She leaned her back against the cashier's counter, her fingers absentmindedly toying with a small pebble she found on the floor.

"Remember the time you snuck garlic powder in my backpack?" Beth asked her sister as she leaned into her father's embrace. A small smile graced her lips as she shivered from the cold.

"Back in elementary school? I only did it because you pulled all of my books off the shelf," Maggie responded with an amused tone. "What about it?"

"'Just thinking back to the good times," Beth grinned, a giggle erupting from her chest. "It got everywhere. My bag smelled for weeks after that."

"And you just had to storm into my class during lunch break and dump it all over my head. Mama was washing it out for hours while you died laughing behind the bathroom door."

"Reminds me of the time Sophia got into the dish soap under the sink when she was a toddler," The group's attention shifted to Carol as she spoke fondly of her daughter. "She made a mess all over the floor and herself. Ed hadn't gotten home from work and she was just slipping and sliding all over the kitchen."

Y/N listened idly as the others began sharing fond memories. She didn't particularly want to contribute; they were basically a bunch of strangers and Y/N didn't know how she felt about sharing important dates to them. Her eyes were pulled up from the floor as Lori came and sat next to her. She noticed the small packet of trail mix in the mother's hand and immediately began shaking her head.

"You need to eat," Lori reminded her, motioning with the hand that had the trail mix towards Y/N.

"You should have it, Lori. I don't need it,"

"There's enough food right now, so we don't have to worry about taking turns eating, sweetie. When was the last time you ate, anyways?"

Y/N shrugged. She returned her gaze back to the floor, still refusing the snack. "Last night? I'm not hungry, really. Besides, you're eating for two now, you need all the nutrients you can get."

"How can you say you're not hungry when you haven't eaten all day?"

"Years of practice," Y/N smiled tightly.

Lori was about to reply but was cut off as Glenn asked, "What about you, Y/N?"

"Pardon?"

"I feel like I know nothing about you," Glenn persisted with a smile. "Tell us something that happened in your life, doesn't have to be recent."

What was she going to tell them? She didn't have that many amazing memories because of how she was raised and what her occupation was. She could tell them about the day Steve barged into the hotel bathroom while she was taking a bubble bath to ease the cuts and bruises she had recently received from kicking ass, but that moment of humor was cut off when Steve informed her Tony had disappeared in an alien ship and he had a feeling they needed to get to Wanda and Vision immediately. She then got her ass handed to her by those weird alien, space dogs clawing at her face in Wakanda. So no, although it was amusing to see how beet-red Steve's face got, she did not consider that a good memory.

There was the time she teamed up with Natasha to hack into F.R.I.D.A.Y. and changed the AI's commands and protocols into hilarious titles that made fun of Tony. It was right before the whole team left for a mission in Egypt, too, so they were able to witness first hand Tony struggling with the interface. However, the group probably wouldn't understand why it was funny as most of the names Nat and her changed were inside jokes with the Avengers team.

Or the time she went undercover with Sam to interview witnesses for a mission, ending up at a retirement home questioning an old woman with Alzheimer's. The poor woman mistook Sam for her past ex-husband and started ratting him out right in the middle of the lounging room. Y/N's stomach ached as she tried with all of her might to hold back her giggles as all Sam could do was sit and take the sassy remarks being shot at him. Y/N even managed to keep one of the names the woman called him, nicknaming Sam the wrinkly goat whenever she had the chance.

There was a portion of her S.H.I.E.L.D. days where she convinced a young, freshly trained agent that Director Phil Coulson was the meanest, toughest, most intimidating piece of flesh they would ever meet. She created stories of missions she took with Coulson where he was so ruthless even she lost sleep due to nightmares about him. Y/N could see the inner turmoil churning in the young agent as she told them made up, morbid actions Coulson took in his younger days.

Y/N never really had days to herself, and anything she could think of that was remotely funny was because of her friends and coworkers. Nothing ever directly happened to her that she found hilarious or amusing. She could go on for hours on the disturbing, painful, downer memories but she chose to not ruin the happy mood the group was in. As she shrugged her shoulders, racking her brain for something the group would find amusing, a few heads shot up at the sound of a twig breaking nearby. The rustling of leaves and twigs didn't cease as Y/N shot up into a standing position with the rifle in her hands.

"What was that?"

"Footsteps, in the woods?"

"What do we do?"

"I can't handle another herd passin' by."

As the rest of the group bantered anxiously in hushed voices, Y/N looked through the scope as she stepped outside. The noises were coming from the trees across the road. The sun had just set, giving barely enough light for visibility. Rick tiptoed on Y/N's right side and Daryl took her left, both of their respective weapons drawn. Once she located the movement between the trees, she stilled her movements and waited until she could identify what was emerging from the woods before taking the shot.

The glint of dark, matte metal and the lines of gold caught her eye first. A mix of a gasp and a breath to release tension escaped past Y/N's lips once her mind caught up with what she was seeing. Bucky stepped past the treeline and up the ditch, his eyes already set on the three people in the road. Blood was splattered all over his face and clothing, the two bags looked like they weighed down his shoulders, and he was slightly out breath, but he was alive.

"Oh, thank God," Y/N hastily muttered under her breath. Relief washed through her veins like cool water as she lowered the rifle. She couldn't help the grin as she hurried towards him as he began peeling the bags off of his torso. The bags, rifle, and the knife in his hand were all discarded on the pavement as Y/N pulled him into an embrace without a second thought. "You fucking asshole."

Bucky breathed in deeply as he rested his head on Y/N's shoulder and wrapped his arms around her torso, both uncaring about the blood. He wanted to reply, to say something to her, but he didn't know what to say; he wasn't sorry he forced her off the farm, he didn't want to hear the I-told-you-so if he told her he underestimated just how big that herd was, he considered telling her he missed her but that's too sappy and the whole group was watching. Instead, he opted for just holding her tight and breathing in her scent.

"Either we work as a team, or we don't do it at all from now on, understood? Don't you dare do that to me again."

Bucky nodded his head. They couldn't take that risk again; not if they wanted to make it out alive. The two assassins finally pulled away, taking in each other's physical form. Y/N looked tired, Bucky noted, unlike the rest of the group who looked the usual weariness. The bags under her eyes were dark and her posture wasn't as straight, as calculated but natural as her usual stance was. Her hands lingered on Bucky's arms and she took a beat or two longer to think about what she had to say.

"You look tired," Bucky stated, mentally noting how she didn't shy away or break their stare. She shrugged, leaning down to pick up her backpack.

"Living on the road isn't as glamorous as you think. I can say the same thing about you, too."

"Let's just say the stealth aspect of being constantly followed by walkers gets a bit more difficult the minute you break your knife."

Y/N gazed down at the knife residing by Bucky's feet, ultimately noticing the broken and shattered handle. "Do I even want to know how you managed to do that?"

"Probably not."

As the day came to an end, the group resettled back in the gas station. Y/N managed to bargain Bucky to eat a good amount of food but only if she had a couple bites as well. They laid side by side once they finally decided to go to sleep, his arm occasionally brushing her back when he shifted. As much as she was reluctant to admit, she came to the realization that the reason why she wasn't sleeping the past three days was because Bucky wasn't at her side. She had gotten so used to sleeping beside him so much that it actually brought her comfort to know he was near.


	12. Chapter 12

Over the span of five months, the number and size of herds grew dramatically. As much as the group tried, they were always one step behind; always getting cut off by a mass of walkers, never being able to stay down in one place for too long before they had to pack up and leave again. It was difficult with Lori's growing stomach, they were always short of supplies but they were lucky enough to pass by a pharmacy that had the vitamins and whatnot that Lori needed. Despite the temperature, they were also lucky enough to only get a couple inches of snow as of yet. As much as it wasn't desirable, they powered through the winter.

Y/N was surprised to see Bucky sitting at the dining room table when she woke up in the morning. She was aware that he had woken up from a nightmare in the middle of the night and left the house the group was taking shelter in. The amount of time Bucky needed to himself after every nightmare varied, so she wasn't quite sure if she was going to see him until they had to run from the herds again. She studied him skeptically as he handed her weapons to her the second he saw her. "Get ready, we're gonna go check out a place I found down the road."

"How far?" Y/N asked softly in order to not wake the others sleeping in the next room over. Only Hershel, Rick and T-Dog were awake. She offered a smile as a greeting to Rick as he sat down at the table across from Bucky. 

"Only a couple of miles."

"We don't have enough fuel for you guys to go off on your own," Rick stated. Y/N knew he was never happy when they split off from the group or went off on their own. He never mentioned it directly, only negotiating with the two until he knew their plan was seamless and somewhat safe.

"We'll travel on foot, be back by sunset," Y/N nodded, strapping on her thigh holster and pocketing a knife in her boot. She shivered as the cold metal of one of her pistols pricked her skin as she tucked it in the back of her waistband.

"I only got a little look of the outside last night. Just wanted to scope it out in daylight before we bring everyone else to it." Bucky stood up, wincing as the chair he was sitting on creaked terribly. "I'll wait for you outside."

The air was brisk and it prickled Y/N's cheeks. Although she hadn't been keeping track of the date anymore, Y/N had to believe they were somewhere around January by now. The past week was the coldest they've experienced yet. Snow was dusted on the trees and crunched under both of Bucky's and Y/N's boots as they traveled down the side of the road.

Bucky had his highs and his lows, and the longer Y/N was around him the easier she could recognize what state he was in. In his lows, usually when he has a nightmare and the few days after it, he'd try to distance himself more and more, speak less often unless he was directly spoken to—then he would try his best to keep his answers short, never initiating a conversation. For the past couple lows Y/N was noticing a pattern in paranoia and jumpiness, especially at night when everyone was sleeping.

"How've you been, lately?" Y/N only got silence as a reply. She always made sure to check up on him after he's a nightmare, because she knew he would do the same if it were her. As she ceased her footsteps,she pulled her hands out of her coat pockets and gently latched onto Bucky's arm, tugging him to a stop as well. "Hey, I asked you an important question. Please don't brush something like that off."

"Everything's fine," Bucky tried his best to look earnest. "You don't need to worry about me, really."

Y/N sighed, breaking her eyes away from his, choosing to look out into the trees past the ditch. "That's the thing, though. I do want to worry about you—we're a team after all, aren't we?"

A cloud of air escaped past his lips as exhaled dramatically, rolling his eyes. He chose not to reply as he continued walking. Y/N delayed, watching Bucky's back for a few moments before catching up to him. "The nightmares are getting more recent, aren't they?"

"Yeah. They are." Bucky scratched at his beard subconsciously. Y/N made a mental note to look for a razor for him. The length his facial hair was at was probably the longest he's had it since the 40's; from the documents she's read of the Winter Soldier, HYDRA preferred to keep it either clean shaven or a little bit of stubble, for tactical and hygienic purposes.

As Y/N was about to reply the walls of a building caught her eye. Bucky gestured to it with a nod, splitting away from Y/N once they were close enough. It was a motel, its buildings formed a half circle around the parking lot. A bus, dumpster, and a chain-link fence gate—probably taken from another property down the highway—blocked off the rest of the parking lot, creating a halo of fortification. Once Y/N made it to the roof, she went over the mental checklist: no holes, weak spots, or other exits in the perimeter, no walkers roaming on the inside, no living people either. She'd have to check inside the rooms for more information, but for the most of it, it was pretty silent. The couple of inches of snow layered over the blacktop had zero footprints or markings. Despite her fingers freezing from the cold air, she held her pistol in front of her with a constant alert as she circled the outside perimeter. She tried not to get her hopes up, but she was beginning to believe the motel was secure enough for the time being.

Lori deserved a safe place, even if she never complained and insisted the constant switching of locations didn't bother her. Nobody truly complained about their circumstances. Life was hard, but everyone was going through the exact same thing at the same time.

Y/N's senses heightened as she neared a corner of the building and heard an unidentified noise out of her sight. Her gun raised on guard as she lowered closer to the ground. With caution and wariness, she moved soundlessly. Bucky would've already made his presence known as he knew how Y/N's mind worked, so she knew it wasn't him. Without much thought of it, Y/N knew they weren't being followed when they arrived at the motel.

She rounded the corner like muscle memory from the many S.H.I.E.L.D. stealth missions she experienced, her pistol aimed at anything that might have been a threat as her limbs tingled with caution. Nothing, or no one, was anywhere in sight. Just as she was about to advance and investigate further, she felt a pressure against the middle of her back as a gravelly voice spoke out.

"I'd drop the gun if I were you, pumpkin," the voice was condescending almost, but demanding enough for Y/N to follow the unknown woman's voice. The former-spy didn't know enough of the variables to act with her instinct of shoot first ask questions later.

"Okay, alright, I'm putting it down," For a split second Y/N cursed herself for getting played, but she complied and slowly bent down, placing the pistol into the snow. "No need to be hostile."

Y/N listened to the words Rick had mentioned earlier around the time they left the farm; Be wary, but be friendly. We're better in numbers, but don't be naive to their kindness. She straightened, raising her hands so they were visible. "The other weapons, too. Then start walking—slowly—inside."

Y/N cooperated, edging near the wall towards the chain-link gate. She continued to try to gently convince the other woman that she was friendly as she was shoved inside the walls to the middle of the parking lot where nothing but snow was in reach. Once Y/N lowered to her knees and put her hands behind her head as she was ordered, the older woman stuck her fingers in her mouth and let out two sharp whistles. Y/N stayed silent, seeing as her friendliness was hitting a dead end. Plans, escape routes, and combat tactics of all the sorts filed through her mind. Her gaze was focused on the snow in front of her, but they fleeted up to the woman as she finally rounded to look at her face. The woman's tight face contorted to confusion, then smugness upon inspecting Y/N's face. "Well, I'll be damned."

"You know me?" Y/N could only assume; the woman's face or voice wasn't familiar to her, but there had been plenty of people who were opposed to the idea of the Avengers. This wouldn't be the first Y/N had to reap what she sowed due to a casualty.

"I would never be able to forget a face like yours, Agent Y/L/N," Without missing a beat, the woman spoke again with a knowing, but hostile grin on her face. "Of all the years I begged God for you to suffer, He finally brought you right to me."

"I'm sorry, but do we know each other? That's a bit harsh,"

The woman clicked her tongue, "We'll have all the time in the world to chat, but first, you're going to tell me where your little friend went."

"I don't know who you're talking about."

"Biding time won't help anyone, dear. My crew's already headed out to gather the rest of your group, we just don't want any unnecessary surprises."

"So it's just you and I? Kinda kinky. Wanna mess around for a bit before they get back?" Y/N forced a cocky smirk, keeping up the demeanor. She could feel herself slowly growing more upset at the situation; she had too many questions, too many uncertainties, too many unknown variables. The only thing she could do was stretch out her time and hope Bucky realizes she's in a sticky situation before he gets caught. The woman deliberately ignored Y/N's remark, pushing her to the cold ground and tying her hands behind her back with a zip-tie. "Ooh, even better. Before we continue, though, can I at least get a name? I would appreciate to know the name of whom may decapitate me in the name of God."

Y/N was dragged back to her knees by the collar of her winter jacket. She frowned slightly at the rough actions as the woman crouched down in front of her, her hands still clenched around her collar. Before she could reply, the gate squeaked as it opened. "Marylin, they're here."

"Marylin, huh?" Y/N echoed, looking between the man at the gate to to woman clutching her collar. Her mood instantly dropped down two more notches as her group began filing in with their hands on their heads. A handful of Marylin's group members walked on the edges of the group with varying guns in their hands, as if they were herding cattle. Y/N watched as, with Rick's lead, the rest of her group knelt down near her. Y/N counted how many opponents there were; seventeen in total, but only ten were armored with firearms. They outnumbered Rick's group by a smidge, but if Y/N executed everything perfectly there would be zero casualties on her side.

"Keep an eye on that one, she's the one we have to worry about," Marylin ordered to her people, pointing a finger at Y/N. The older woman scanned her eyes over every person before snatching Beth and pulling her into her arms with the pistol she took from Y/N pointed at her head. "If there's one thing I learned about you, it's that you don't mind when it comes to sacrificing yourself. But today, I want to see if you're still comfortable sacrificing someone else's life for your benefit."

"This is obviously between you and I, you don't have to bring the others into it. They didn't do anything." Y/N tried to negotiate. "Listen to me, Marylin. Whatever I did to you, I'm sorry. If you want to kill me, then kill me, but nobody else has to get hurt. They're innocent, okay?"

Y/N looked into Beth's eyes, trying to look as comforting as possible. The blonde looked terrified, unable to keep the fear off of her face as she grasped at the arm around her neck. Y/N felt as if her time was running out. Marylin ordered for her people to take the bags of supplies and personal belongings. 

"If you just tell me what I did to you then I can try and make up for it. I understand that you're upset at me, but just slow down and think about what you're doing right now," Y/N's mind raced trying to remember if she's heard the name Marilyn at any point in her life. Beth's life was in danger, one wrong move and Hershel and Maggie would never forgive her.

"Sucking up to me won't help your position, pumpkin," the woman turned to the rest of Y/N's group, her voice harsh with hatred. "Do you truly know what kind of person this sad excuse of a fighter is? Has she showed her true self or has she manipulated you into thinking otherwise like the sociopath she is?"

"What is she talking about, Y/N?" Glenn asked, turning his head to look at the aforementioned.

"The only thing that falls past her lips are lies. She pulls you into a false sense of security—she thrives on the feeling of power and she knows it!" Marilyn waved the gun around, pointing it at Y/N for emphasis. "You don't really care about their well being, do you? They're just the little chess pieces in you're big game, aren't they?"

She knew her silence only provoked their suspicion more, but she had to focus on where she had seen Marilyn before. As the puzzle pieces in her mind clicked, she wasted no time spitting out the name. "Marilyn Mugnai—that's your name, isn't it? Your husband was one of the many killed as an accident when S.H.I.E.L.D. infiltrated an illegal organization however many years ago."

"Eight years to be exact. It's funny how you claim it was an accident when it was you who murdered him in the first place."

"That mission was train wreck long before my team got there. I was working with the information I was given, in the little time that I had—,"

"And yet you still sent your men in knowing damn well that the enemy would not refrain from killing anybody they wanted."

"Those orders came from a higher ranking, not me. Just because I executed them does not mean it was my decision." Although it was much more aged, Y/N remembered Marilyn's face when she attended the dead-man's case. Closure wasn't the only thing she wanted; she fought like hell to achieve retribution for her husband's wrongful death. At the time, Y/N wasn't truly affected by the mission gone wrong despite the lawsuit against her and her teammates accumulated by the distraught victims. S.H.E.I.L.D. slipped itself out of being sued, managing to only require Y/N to be suspended from the field for a couple of months. "Look, I'm sorry for your husband's death. He was your only family, I know you said that. Marilyn, look at me—I was the one who caused you pain, these people don't deserve this."

"You murdered how many people throughout your life and you want my forgiveness?" Marilyn cackled, her sanity slowly going down the drain. "This isn't for me anymore. God wants you dead, for you to pay for your sins. Why else would He send you straight to me?" 

One single gunshot emanated behind one of the buildings. A grin slowly spread on Marilyn's face, her eyes wild as she stared Y/N down. "I guess we found your little friend, didn't we? Won't be long before you have to make a decision, Agent: your life or hers?" 

The barrel of Bucky's sniper peaking around the corner behind Marilyn and Beth caught Y/N's eye. One, two, three, four—"Beth, down!" Y/N exclaimed, swinging her leg around and kicking snow into the face of the man closest to her. Beth used all of her weight to drop out of Marilyn's loose grasp just as a bullet pierces straight through the back of her head out her right eye. 

Before the opponent nearest to Y/N gained his bearing, Y/N flopped on her back and slipped her bound hands around her legs so they were in front of her. She landed a kick to her opponent's chest as he pulled out a knife, slashing it in her vicinity. Managing to position her hands so that the zip-tie was cut, Y/N landed two punches to the man's neck and chest before snatching his knife and driving it into his skull. Another enemy was shot down by Bucky before they could attack Y/N as she leapt forward to defend Lori and Maggie from another. With moderate effort from every strong member from her group, the battle did not last for very long.

Once the last shot rang out, Y/N hastily checked her surroundings for anymore hostiles. Her lungs burned as fire red droplets fell from her jacket onto the stark white snow beneath her feet. Using her momentum to make sure her legs didn't give out, Y/N stumbled to the room she last saw Lori and a few others take shelter in. Y/N needed to make sure everyone was alright before she could relax her muscles, no matter how much they were protesting. It took all of her willpower to not just collapse in the snow and allow her body to fall asleep. 

After confirming that Lori wasn't hurt and that Beth was okay, Y/N exited the room and circled the parking lot, checking to see if anyone was hurt. She wanted to go find Bucky, but her body acted against her and she fell to her knees. Small flakes of snow began falling from the sky, landing on Y/N's upturned face with her eyes closed. Half of her almost missed the feeling of pain she was experiencing at the moment. The tense knot in her chest release when she saw Bucky's form round the corner of one of the buildings, making a beeline straight to her. She could barely hear Rick asking for the location of Carl. 

"I saw you get shot. Let me see," Bucky's voice was soft and level, with a hint of panic once he dropped down in front of Y/N. His fingers made quick work of her jacket's zipper, exposing the stained long-sleeve shirt underneath. He hesitated slightly before lifting the hem of the thin fabric.

"Hey, look at that. It's not that bad, really. Didn't even realize I got hit," Y/N huffed at the sight of the gaping hole in her abdomen. Rick and T-Dog attached themselves to Y/N's sides, checking the severity of the wound as well. Glenn was calling for Hershel as Bucky helped Y/N to her feet, muttering words about getting her inside. She resisted, pulling against Bucky's hold. "Wait, hold on. Hold on." 

As if she were using her last bit of strength left, she reached for the knife holstered on Bucky's belt and stumbled towards the motel's gate where a handful of walkers were pressing themselves up against the metal. A hand clamped around Y/N's arm and she was surprised to see that it was T-Dog. "Let us handle something for once. You need to get yourself cleaned up."

-

Y/N was woken up by a soft knock on her door. As she reached to the bedside table to light a candle, Bucky opened the door and stepped in, shutting the door before more cold air cold seep in. "Feeling any better?" 

"A little cold, but thankfully it doesn't hurt at the moment," Y/N looked out the motel's window at the darkening sky. 

"Maybe this'll help warm ya up?" Bucky lifted the six-pack of beer in front of him. Y/N smiled, patting the space beside her. 

"Almost feels like you're trying to get me to be an alcoholic,"

"Just merely a cheap war tactic I remembered." 

Y/N pulled the tab of one of the cans and offered it to Bucky once he settled his back against the headboard beside her. Bucky knew that she knew alcohol had no effect on him, but he accepted it anyways in hopes that it would calm down the knot in his stomach. The two sat in silence, listening to the strong wind howl outside. They were bound to have a storm anytime now. 

"What took you so long?" Y/N asked in a small and joking manner. "You must've heard her as she caught me off guard."

"Carl got caught while sneaking around, trying to be the hero. Couldn't do much until the right moment," Bucky's voice was low and gravelly, most likely due to the cold temperature. He couldn't fully understand why he was feeling so anxious. "I had to kill the guy right in front of him. It wasn't the fastest death he could have got."

"Carl will be alright, he's a strong kid."

"No kid his age would watch a man suffocate to death from a crushed windpipe and be completely fine after."

"He's seen walkers mutilated and rotten beyond recognition plenty of times before and he's still got a level mind. Try not to think about it too much, okay? I'll get Rick to talk to him to see if he's alright."

The two sat in a deafening silence as the minutes passed. The can in Bucky's hand clinked against his metal hand, the liquid swishing as he mindlessly fiddled with it. Unable to ease the knot in his stomach in that position, a curse slipped past his lips quietly as he shifted to the edge of the bed and placed his feet on the floor. With his back to Y/N, he rested his elbows on his knees and his face in his palms. 

"Buck?" 

"I'm sorry." Bucky swallowed thickly. "For putting you in that truck at the farm. I had no right to do that."

"I forgave you for that a long time ago. You were trying to protect us and the farm. I get it. You don't have to apologize."

"I do, Y/N. After hearing you reason with that chick while I was stuck outside trying not to get Carl killed, it felt like I had nothing under control. That helpless feeling, that's what you felt when I manhandled you off of that farm while I nearly got myself killed," Bucky chuckled humorlessly, shaking his head. Y/N crawled to her knees and shuffled behind Bucky. She sat down with her legs on either side of him and wrapped her arms around his torso. She didn't have a response as she pressed herself against his back. "When I saw that you got shot I swear my heart almost stopped. You scared the shit out of me."

"It's gonna take a lot more than a couple of gunshots to kill me. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon." 

"None of this would've happened if I didn't bring you to this place."

"That's bull and you know it. The last time it snowed was four days ago and there were no footprints or signs of living people anywhere near the motel. That group wasn't staying here, meaning they had probably been following us long before the house we were at this morning."

"But, still—,"

"No buts, Bucky. Today was not your fault."

A ghost of a smile graced upon Y/N's lips as Bucky sighed and relaxed under her touch, his flesh hand covered hers, his thumb rubbing her soft skin comfortingly. The strong thump, thump, thump of Bucky's heartbeat resonated within Y/N as her pulse gradually synced with his. The wind howled outside but they could hear the low voices of a few of the group still huddled around the campfire, eagerly waiting for dinner to finish cooking. Y/N's wounds ached from the way she was slouched, but she deduced that the warmth radiating through Bucky's sweater was completely worth it. Bucky's eyes trailed over the small cracks on the wall in front of him. He listened to her breaths as every once in awhile her grip would slacken then return to its original tightness. 

"With what happened today, the group might start questioning your loyalty," he stated, keeping his voice low to not startle her. There was always something about her and becoming drowsy as she leeched warmth, but he didn't fully understand it; how could a woman so guarded and unbreakable be so susceptible to sleep? 

"I'll deal with it tomorrow," she sighed. "I was thinking about just coming clean about everything. No use not to."

"No more I'll tell if you ask, then?"

"Yup, I'm laying it on the line. 'Making no bones about it."

-

A muffled crash caused Y/N to jolt awake. She stayed still, unsure if what she heard was a figment of her dreams. Her ears strained for any noises. Another crash came, sounding as if multiple things were being knocked off of a shelf. Y/N leaped from under her blankets, her mind registering that the noises were coming from Bucky's room beside hers. Disregarding her boots or jacket, she hurried out of her door to Bucky's. Before her hand could reach the door handle, the door whipped open to reveal a disheveled Bucky. Y/N's mouth opened to say something, but she was cut off as Bucky grabbed her wrist and pulled her into the room and shut the door. 

Bucky immediately began pacing so Y/N stepped to the bedside table where a lighter and candle sat. Once a soft, orange glow illuminated the small room, her eyes trailed over the cluttered items on the floor. "What happened? It's a mess in here."

"Just tripped over a couple things. S'dark." 

"You had another night terror, didn't you?" Y/N studied his body language and movements as he nodded jerkily. "Are you having a panic attack?"

"No, no. This one just really shook me up ... need to, just need to calm my mind."

"Just tell me what to do. How can I help?" she stepped closer to him once he sat down on the edge of his bed. She could tell he was panicking by the way her wrung his hands together and looked around the room skittishly. She placed herself between his legs, her hands gently smoothing his unruly chestnut hair. "Do you want to talk about it?" 

"—You have to promise me something." Bucky reached up and grasped her forearms, looking up at her candlelit face ridden with worry. 

"Of course, Buck. What is it?" 

"It's essential that you truly mean it. You have to swear on your life that if anything happens to me you will put a bullet in my head with no hesitation whatsoever."

"You mean if you go into Winter Soldier mode?" 

Bucky nodded.

"That's not going to happen." Y/N shook her head, breaking her gaze from Bucky's desperate eyes. "Killing you will be the last resort. There are other ways to get you back."

"Y/N, please. You have to understand. One day there won't be a way to get me back. HYDRA is everywhere—I mean look at us, we're completely vulnerable right now. What's stopping them from coming in and taking me right this second?"

"I'm not going to let that happen. If there's one thing I can promise you is that you won't ever be controlled by HYDRA again."

His grip on Y/N's arm tightened tears welled in his eyes and a sob escaped his throat. "You have to promise me you'll kill me. Y/N, you have to, please. I don't want to be a monster. I don't want to kill anyone who I don't have to. Please, please ... "

Y/N's heart ached at the sight of the broken man in front of her. She wiped his wet cheeks with the pads of her fingers before pulling him into a hug. He continued to ramble pleads with his face pressed into her stomach, his arms tightly wound around her body. Her fingers tugged gently through his hair, attempting to detangle some of the mess. She wished she could do more to ease his torment. Although in her heart she knew the promise would most likely not be fulfilled if the situation called for it, she had to get him to calm down. "Alright, okay. I promise I'll do whats necessary if you go into Winter Soldier mode." 

-

Small dots freckled the pitch black sky as the moon cast a dull glow to the ground. Y/N had successfully evaded whoever was on watch's attention when she hauled herself to the roof of the motel. Bucky had fallen asleep quite fast, and although she wanted to stay with him, she needed time alone to think. With her jacket held tightly around her shoulders, she let her leg hang off the edge as she laid along it. Besides the low rustle of leafs as a breeze pushed past them, there weren't many noises for Y/N to keep track of.

The lone Avenger wondered if Tony was on one of those freckles, and if he were still even alive. Despite the fallout between him and Steve, she still kept close tabs with Tony. He was important to her, as he was one of the first few she could truly trust with her life.

Y/N's face turned to the ground as a beam of light blinded her from below. She shielded her eyes and puffed a breath of air as the unknown person climbed up the awning to the roof. "I'm afraid I'm becoming a broken record to you, Y/N."

Y/N sat up and brushed snow off of the ledge for Rick to sit. "I've been resting the entire day, give me a break."

Rick let out a weary groan as he sat down, switching the flashlight off. After the farm, there had been an unspoken trust growing between the two. "Something on your mind?"

"When is there ever not something on my mind?" she chuckled, gazing up at the stars. 

"Want to talk about it?"

"It's just my everyday morality dilemma, no big deal." Inhaling, Y/N switched her gaze to Rick. The pale moonlight emitted just enough glow to see each other's features which felt heavy and suffocating to the spy. "How's Carl doing?"

"He was a little shaken, but felt better after dinner—Which reminds me, here," Rick handed Y/N a granola bar, which crinkled between their fingers. "This dilemma, it's about your friends in Africa?"

"Yeah. It is." Y/N confided, looking for who's on watch. Must be Rick. "I feel like a shit person for not going back to them, but I swore an oath to make protecting civilians from any sort of danger my top priority. I care about them more than I care about my own life, but I can't just leave you guys."

"Well ... I think you need to set aside the Avengers side of you and think about what you—Y/N Y/L/N—really, truly desires. Stop thinking about what the others need for a second and focus on yourself. If you want to go so bad then what's stopping you?"

"God, if you want me gone so bad then just say so," She jokes.

"Hey, I'm just saying! After everything you've done for us—my family, you deserve to be happy too."

Y/N hummed then grew silent. Even though she wanted to leave, she'd spent too many years doing deeds as a good person to just abandon her mission like that. It repeated itself like a mantra in her head everyday, people before yourself. A habit she grew comfortable with. Even if she didn't have to worry about the group's safety, it'd be hard for her to leave. She grew quite fond of all of the members, possibly even enough to consider them friends.

"Something seems to be troubling you as well," Y/N says, referring to his posture and grimaced expression.

"I can't stop thinking about today. Someone could've gotten seriously hurt—you could've died."

"But I didn't."

"I should have known they were following us, and I shouldn't keep letting you and Bucky go off on your own like that. Today was my fault."

"The only people who are at fault are the people who attacked us, Rick. Besides, Buck and I are trained in this sort of thing, so how could you have possibly known that we had a roach on our backs?"

"Still, there's tons of thing' that I could have done differently," He trailed off. "What would you have done? If you were in my position?"

"I'm no leader, Rick, you of all people know that. If you keep going down this rabbit hole of self-doubt you'll never get out. It's over and in the past, try not to think about it too much anymore."

"Maybe I was wrong ... about what's best for this group. What if I'm the one driving us straight into the ground?"

"That's not true and you know it. You're the only one best fit for leading this group."

"Hershel's older and knows more—,"

"He'd protect his family before the rest of us, and he has more of a passive vibe to him—not good when authority is needed."

"Glenn—,"

"Lets his emotions get in the way of what truly needs to be done. He may have a strong enough back for it, but you aren't afraid of getting your hands dirty." Y/N turned her body to face Rick. "Face it, my man. You're the best we've got. You can name anyone in the group and I can give you a reason why they won't fit. Take it from a person who knows people." 

Seeing how Rick still didn't look convinced, she continued. "Maggie is just like her father, and she hasn't got enough experience for the position. Bucky and Daryl both like to lurk in the shadows, doing what their ordered to do. T-Dog apologizes for even raising his voice a tad bit too high. And obviously the kids are too young for that role."

"So that just leaves you, huh?"

"Me? I'm just the security guard—the pistol in your hand. I'm impulsive and quite apathetic—I think about survival rather than comfort. And besides, you really think we'd still let you sit on that pedestal if we didn't like how you rule?"

"I still think I could have done something better."

"As does everyone else in this god-forsaken world. That's what makes you human."


End file.
